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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
IAm42 Offline
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Just ... WHY? (strong language) - September 24th 2010, 01:21 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Why won't people leave me alone?

Can't they see the ugly girl sitting alone in the lunchroom doesn't need MORE SHIT FROM PEOPLE? I have NO friends. Not a single person in my school says anything to me, unless it's malicious and hurtful. I've been sexually harassed. I've had things thrown at me, been hit, been laughed at, been spit on, been shoved into lockers ...

And I've never done anything to them. Fucking NOTHING. ISN'T IT BAD ENOUGH THAT I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS? WHY ADD YOUR BULLSHIT ON TOP OF IT?

I

don't

get

it.

I try so hard to just blend in. Why am I some kind of a fucking bully magnet? I don't wear the clothes I want to wear, I don't do the classes I want to do, and I don't go to places I want to go. I don't do anything that people could consider weird. Like I want more attention drawn to me.

I can't sleep at night anymore. I never feel rested.

I've locked myself in my bathroom and had screaming fights with my parents to avoid school. I've had more screaming fights with my parents where they literally attempted to drag me out the door. More screaming fights where they call the school, threaten to call the cops, call my teachers, call therapists .... I get physically sick thinking about going to school.

I think about suicide daily. I can't go into a place every day where all that ever happens is I get bullied, five days a week for hours.

But the kids aren't the only ones who are bad.

I've had teachers who have been out-right bullies to me. Probably because I fail every class. But I don't see how I'm supposed to study when I'd rather just drown myself in a bathtub or something of a similar effect. I can't look at geometry homework without thinking 'who cares. Just .. who cares. I'll be dead before I can even use this anyway.'

Not like I haven't tried.

I regret failing that attempt every day.

Only thing that holds me back is the memory of my dad crying.



I used to be outgoing. I used to be brave.

When I saw people being bullied, I remember ALWAYS standing up for them.

Always. That means, even now. I screamed at someone at the bus stop for bullying my next door neighbor and making her go home crying. My next door neighboor didn't even like me.

But I can't stand seeing people get hurt.

Yet I can't stand up for myself. I never stand up for myself. Ever. I just take it. Sometimes I put my head down and cry.

My dog died 2 months ago. The day I found out, I had to go to school. The person beside me threw something at my head. It hit me. I just put my head down and started crying so hard. Though I was quiet. I don't know if anyone knew i was crying. i hope not.

I know it's my fault I don't have friends. But I can't talk to people. I shake and I hear that voice in the back of my head going 'they think you're stupid, they hate you, they're judging you'. And worse. Why would anyone want to talk to someone as ugly as I am?

And God the projects. I could have a breakdown right here talking about them. Standing in front of the class and looking at the people who have tormented me most of my life. Stammering and blushing and sweating, feeling like I just want to drop down dead. As they sit there and laugh and point at me.

I always skipped school for projects. One time I did a project and then I ripped it up so I wouldn't have to go in front of the class. But then I dread the look the teacher will give me when I say no, I don't have the project.

I'm going to snap. I've had dreams of slamming their faces into desks and further. I feel like I'm one step away from killing myself or God knows, maybe putting someone in a hospital. I don't think I would have it in me to murder. But, god, who knows anymore ..

I don't know what to do anymore. This is just a rambling mess of nonsensical dribble. If you want any elaboration .. ask.

I'm not going to pass high school. For God's sake, I'm a Junior and I'm still doing Freshman English and Algebra. I feel like my entire life is down the toilet.

I don't see a point in this anymore.
   
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Re: Just ... WHY? (strong language) - September 24th 2010, 01:50 PM

Its okey, It makes sense.
As for the grades, and being stupid. You can achieve anything if you put your mind to it, including making money.

As for the bullies.
You've be tortured all your life.
theres nothing worth living for
you have no friends...

You've gone through things no one should.

So that leaves me to ask the ultimate question!
What do you have... to lose?

These people have ruined your life, and right now you've been forced into a position where you've even had to take your uniqueness away in order to cope.
Who cares anymore!
It can hardly get worse no matter what they do.
So fight back! (metaphorically) Do whatever it takes to be different! even if they say your wierd. Try to be as wierd as possible, see if you can creep them OuT!

First suggestion is
do whatever it takes to be wierd, wear what you want to wear for a change!
Secondly, set your self a challenge. See if you can smile for an entire day force your self to fake smile if you have too. Lose your dignity, it won't help you anymore, (trust me, i got rid of mine ages ago) infact, See if you can scare them with wierdness.

These excersises won't stop bullies, it might, but it probably won't
What i've suggested is to first get your confidence up

Once you've succeeded in this, you can try some more advanced tactics which take some more confidence to achieve. Such as the questioning tactic. (look at the thread "New discovery" in the bully and peer pressure forum.)

Make life fun again! Its in your hands.
Toy with these idiots, your a nice person, they don't even deserve to be in your presence.

So? are you interested?
-BPS


<img src=http://i918.photobucket.com/albums/ad28/Outavheir/Nevergiveup.png border=0 alt= />
   
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Re: Just ... WHY? (strong language) - September 24th 2010, 03:15 PM

I might do that.

I'm actually thinking about doing that. I'm getting sick of my hair and I kinda wanna cut if off. I'm getting sick of wearing boring clothes of stuff that I don't like, so I was thinking about just wearing whatever the hell I want. I've always been kinda .. a mix of both genders in my likes and all that.

I really do like that idea. If I could turn my want of physical rebellion against them into a more subdued I-don't-care-what-you-think way of doing things. I donno. The weekend is hitting. Maybe I could convince my parents to let me completely change what I wear/look like.
   
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Re: Just ... WHY? (strong language) - September 27th 2010, 02:27 PM

Hey. I'm sorry your having such a hard time, I really am :/
I don't know why people pick certain people out from a crowd and bully them but they do, it just shows how immature they are, they feel the need to crush people in order to make themseves feel cool, tough and good about themselves.
Don't call yourself ugly, no one is ugly I'm sure you have a lovely personality and your very beautiful. The ONLY people that are ugly are the people that are bullying and making you feel so bad, they have ugly personalities and its wrong in everyway.
Is there not an adult you can go too to talk about? a teacher thats nice and you can help with? If there isn't just take a step back, look at these bullies and just think about how immature they are, your clearly mature and your trying your best, your alot better than them in everyway.
Just PM if you want to talk, I'm happy to listen and chat with you, or if you just need a friend I'm here.
Keep your head up, there honestly not worth a minute of your time.


Everybody wants to change the world, but no one...no one wants to die.

06.10.2010 - the day my dreams came true. <3
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Re: Just ... WHY? (strong language) - September 30th 2010, 04:11 AM

I don't have that great a personality. I'm always stressing my mom out and putting my own family in danger because I refuse to go to school. I'm really scared about my parents getting in legal trouble for MY actions. I would feel horrible about that ..

Yet I can't seem to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I feel like I'd rather do anything else than go to school. Absolutely anything.

I have some nice teachers, but I couldn't talk to them without making a fool out of myself. I can't even look other people in the eye when they speak to me .. let alone tell them about the bullies and ect.

I can't reach out to people. I have (self-diagnosed) severe social anxiety. Though I've never had a professional directly tell me this, it's rather obvious in the way that I handle social situations with strangers among other things.
   
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Re: Just ... WHY? (strong language) - September 30th 2010, 10:01 PM

If school is really bothering you, you could always try to sit down and talk to your parents about cyber school. Reassure them that it'd be better for you.

If that's not an option, just don't let them get to you. I know how you feel, in a sense. My friends are the ones who do that to people. And I always stand up for the person they are doing it too. You just need to learn to block them out. If not, it's okay. They are just immature, and clearly are insecure. Don't let it bug you! You're beautiful, I'm sure. <333333333333


Second chances; They don't matter.
People never change.
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Re: Just ... WHY? (strong language) - October 1st 2010, 12:01 AM

Don't be afraid to ask your parents for other options like home school or cyber school like Amyislegit said. If you think you'd like that, sit down and write out all the advantages and reasons why you would like to do it and present a sort of report to your parents. I've heard that a lot of homeschooled kids are doing really well these days so you could research that and use it as a fact or statistic. (They are doing well at university too!)

Also, remember that if you value peace and are motivated by it not everyone else is. Some people are motivated by power and will do whatever it takes to get it, or to get the illusion of it. If you react the way they want you to they think they have power and the situation will only escalate. Do the opposite of whatever they are expecting, and that doesn't mean you ignore them either. Ignoring people often gives them silent consent to keep doing whatever they are doing because they will perceive you as weak, but you clearly aren't. If you can only stand up for others, that's a good start. Simply imagine that someone else is being bullied whenever you are bullied. To do this, practice before hand. Think of exactly how you feel when you stand up for someone else. Really get inside of that feeling. Feel it, remember it, and draw on it whenever you are attacked. Then do exactly the same thing you would do for someone else when they pick on you. Imagine yourself as someone else if you have to.

Also, I am willing to bet you are not ugly. Makeovers really do make you feel better. If you can't get one, that's okay. Do small things to make yourself feel better about the way you look. Eventually you will feel a lot better about your appearance if you start small and keep building.

If you struggle with depression this website is really helpful:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
It basically tells you that you either reduce what is causing you pain or find more strategies to help you cope with that pain. I did both, it really works.
   
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