Defending Myself

[♥ Choir. ♥]

One of my friends bullies me, she doesn't know that she does it, but whenever I point it out and ask her to stop, she just gets mad and hits me. Kristy will punch me when she is really really mad, which only happens like once or twice a month. When she gets mad she either hits me or threatens to. Most of the time she is a really good friend, and when she gets mad it is all my fault because I was doing something I shouldn't of. I want to make her stop hitting me at all, but I'm not very strong, and she is very strong. She weighs more then me, with a lot more muscle then I. The only thing I have on her physical wise is height, and even then I'm only an inch or two taller then her. When we're in school, she's normally the reason that I get triggered. She pokes fun at the thought of suicide, and she thinks that people who hurt themselves are idiots, worst of all she voices her opinions on these topics quite often. I tend to always know the answers in the classes that we have together, and that's another thing that she loves to make fun of. When I get the answers wrong she has a ball.
How can I defend myself against her? I only have three classes with her, history, art, and health. We sit next to each other in health, she sits across from me in art, and we just got our seats changed in history so we no longer sit next to each other. I'm afraid of hurting her, I'm afraid of hurting anyone really. And I don't want to get her into trouble by telling an adult, she wouldn't do that to me if things were reversed. She is a good friend a lot, and when she does something mean it is entirely my fault.
What can I do?

[Ryan1]

By the sounds of it she isn’t a very good friend. Most people don’t hit each other when they get upset. She’s a bully and you know it, don’t socialize with people like her. You must take a real stand. You can’t sit on the sidelines hoping she’ll stop.

She knows you’ll eat her crap, so it keeps coming. If you put her in her place once she’ll stop forever. If it doesn’t stop I’d suggest ending your friendship with her because clearly she isn’t after your wellbeing. She knows dam well she’s hurting your feelings and that’s why she’s so good at attacking you because she knows your weakness.

Call her on it; put your friendship on the line anything after that should be dealt with by the school principle or even the police. I hate bullies they come in all different shapes and sizes. You’ll learn once you start working that you have to take shit from your boss anyone else can hit the road.

Don’t be a victim stand up, pick your battles.

[♥ Choir. ♥]

She is a good friend! I promise that she is. She is really nice and lots of fun if you can get past her exterior. We've been hanging out since second grade, and we're in eighth now. I don't take shit from people, I don't! Kristy is a great friend, and everything that she does, it's my fault. It really is.

She doesn't know that the self-harm and suicide things she does hurts me. I don't let it show. I'd never let it show in front of anyone in my real life. I don't show who I am in front of them.

I have called her out on it. She just got really mad and hit me.

I just want to make her stop, I want to know how to defend myself. I don't fight, and she knows that.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

If you don't tell her that her talk on self-harm and suicide bugs you, then she's going to continue. You have to voice it but not in a meek way, in a very strong and aggressive way. Does she punch others when angry? If so, you can have some support from them and you can tell it's an anger issue where she releases anger externally. Since she does poke fun at you and other things sometimes during class, I find it likely she does do it to others.

In the mean time, stand up to her and don't let her be the boss of you, which it seems what she's doing.

Once you do become well-equipped with self-defense, I'm not sure if it'll weaken or strengthen your relationship because you'll fight against her, win and now you've established the dominant role, which puts her out of place and feelings of insecurity. Alternatively, she may try harder to hurt you when she's angry and that can cause a brawl or her getting more damage if you're good at the self-defense.

I do help with teaching some self-defense to some people at the dojo (although the teacher knows more), there are 4 main ways: 1) Quick strike back before she hits you (needs skill to dodge or block then hit fast), 2) Take down by throw, foot sweep, etc... 3) Weapons such as mace and 4) Joint lock, chokes and pressure point techniques while standing. The last one is meant to cause the least amount of harm but takes a good deal of practice. Myself, I've had people try pressure points on my arms, neck, chest, wherever and I hardly feel much pain but for others, it hurts a lot more to the point where they cease attacking.

I've been in a few fights (never started them) and the joint, chokes and pressure point techniques as well as strikes and take-downs do work very well. I can reason with them to stop, otherwise life gets more painful. Many of the techniques can cause bones to be broken, tearing of ligaments and tendons, dislocations, etc... but the point is to bring the pain near that but not cause damage. If need be, such as if she counters and may start to pound you in, then you decide between causing her damage or you taking damage.

I gave this description so you can see, if you wish to learn self-defense, it's not a simple task so while learning, you will have to endure her behaviour. Muscle mass and weight do not matter because the muscles themselves aren't directly attacked most of the time and the joints cant strengthen up much. Her increased weight can be in your favour because it can make it easier to do some of the moves using her force against herself. In the class, there are people more than 2x my weight and at least 3x my strength, and I can have them on the ground very fast through joint locks somewhere on their arm.

[Ryan1]

Originally Posted by midnight_daydreamer

I have called her out on it. She just got really mad and hit me.

Start hitting her back, if she was half a friend she'd know where to draw the line. If it turns into a fight just make sure you win. Sounds bad but honestly that is the best way to get through to her. She's making you feel as though your stupid and your messing things up. Thats wrong she's just having a bad day and knows how to corner you. Some people need to shit on other to vent. I swear if she hits you again pop her right in the face as hard as you can, then tell her off. You need to demand respect from people no matter how you get it. Trust me she will think twice about hitting you ever again.

As for your arrangement about she's bigger then me, just remember to swing first and aim for her nose. Her eye's will water and she'll start to cry. God I love when bullys cry.

I went through the same thing, guess what I had to do to end the abuse. Did it work you may ask? Like a charm, for the next 2 weeks he didn't say a word now we are bar buddy's. Funny how people work. If you don't take peoples crap you'll gain their respect.

This sounds bold, but if you've already tried talking to her and she just doesn't understand you have to put your foot down. Otherwise nothing will ever change.

[Illuminate]

In a way I can relate to this. For three years my best friend treated me like crap. She was hot & cold. Constantly taking things out on me and I was scared to say anything just incase she would fall out with me or something. And I was pretty oblivious to it aswell.
Then last year I realised 'why should I stand all of this?'
I had a lot of other friends who would still be there and I was fed up with her one minute being fine with me and the next being abusive. So one day, when i'd 'done something wrong' she was having a go at me and instead of sitting there and just taking it like i always did, I stood up for myself.
I told her where she could stick her comments and walked off.
The next day she apologised. She still acts like a dick sometimes.. And i'm not afraid to stand up for myself. It gave me a huge confidence boost too.
So don't be afraid... Try and surround yourself with other friends and tell her how you feel..
You dont deserve to be treated that way.
Whtever you do, don't apologise afterwards or follow her around like a sheep. That will give her the upperhand again.

Stay strong dear <3

[Angeal]

She doesn't sound like a real friend to me. She may be a good person,but that doesn't make her a good friend. First you can try to talk to her, and tell her how you feel, and how what she does hurts you. If that doesn't work and you don't want to tell an adult, then just start ignoring her. Don't talk to her at all. Walk the opposite direction as her, if it's at all possible. In the classess that you sit next to her, ask to be moved, and if the teacher says no, just ignore her then to. Also you can do the same to her, I mean you don't have to hit her, but if she raises her hand and gets the question wrong, then you have a ball. Show her how much it hurt. It may seem mean, but it's the best you can do. And if she's hurting you, you shouldn't be afraid of hurting her. Hope this helped, you can PM me anytime you want to talk.

[mIssIng:nO]

if all else fails

hit her back once, if it hurts her, explain that it hurts you to :P

[Guile]

Hit her right back, it's self-defense and completely legal.

[Tupac Shakur]

She ain't a friend.

[abreacti0n]

You should try to explain to her why you don't like what she does, i know its difficult i've passed through it.

If it doesn't work go talk to a teacher, tell me what happens!!

[Sea Monkey]

I wouldn't encourage hitting her back as that could also be classed as bullying, and you could get into trouble from it. I would personally tell her politely to stop at first, then if this does not stop, tell somebody about it, or even discontinue to have a friendship with her.

I most certainly wouldn't encourage violence or 'hitting back' in any way, as it would be you going down to her level. You just need to tell her to stop. 'Hitting back' is not the solution to any problem.

[Guile]

Originally Posted by Fauzia

I wouldn't encourage hitting her back as that could also be classed as bullying, and you could get into trouble from it. I would personally tell her politely to stop at first, then if this does not stop, tell somebody about it, or even discontinue to have a friendship with her.

I most certainly wouldn't encourage violence or 'hitting back' in any way, as it would be you going down to her level. You just need to tell her to stop. 'Hitting back' is not the solution to any problem.

"Justification does not make a criminal use of force lawful; if the use of force is justified, it cannot be criminal at all. ... The defense of justification affirmatively permits the use of force under certain circumstances. ... The defense does not operate to 'excuse' a criminal act, nor does it negate a particular element of a crime." - (NY Penal Law art. 35)

Tell someone who is hitting you to politely stop? Really? That's what you do before it's escalated to physical violence. How would that go over, you tell them and they say, "Oh, gosh, man, I am so sorry, I didn't realize that punching you repeatedly in the face made you sad, wow, I am a jerk". Is that what you're expecting?

[♥ Choir. ♥]

Originally Posted by Guile

Tell someone who is hitting you to politely stop? Really? That's what you do before it's escalated to physical violence. How would that go over, you tell them and they say, "Oh, gosh, man, I am so sorry, I didn't realize that punching you repeatedly in the face made you sad, wow, I am a jerk". Is that what you're expecting?

No, that isn't what she's expecting. I know that I'm being difficult, that's why I stopped talking in this tread even when I really wanted to. I knew that I'd just be difficult and make everyone mad. I've tried to tell her to stop though, and it doesn't work. But Guile, I'm a complete pacifist. I couldn't hurt a fly if I wanted to. The only way I can hurt someone on purpose is if they're harming a friend or family member of mine. When it comes to things like that, the only thing I'm thinking is, "Don't you dare hurt who I care about!".

It happened a few days ago, and I think maybe for the last time. Kristy, Olivia(her best friend who moved away, one of my good friends), and I were hanging out together at the mall. I annoyed Kristy or something, I don't know what I did, but Olivia saw her hit me. Olivia yelled at her and hit her. We didn't say anything else about it, but if Olivia knew that it's gotten as bad as it has she'd move back to our school just to make sure that Kristy doesn't hurt me or any of our other friends. I can't tell Olivia because it'll ruin their friendship(which don't tell me will be okay because something like this has happened to me in the past and I know how much it hurts and I'd never wish to bestow it on anyone else), but if it gets way to out of hand then I know that I can tell her.

[Sea Monkey]

Tell someone who is hitting you to politely stop? Really? That's what you do before it's escalated to physical violence. How would that go over, you tell them and they say, "Oh, gosh, man, I am so sorry, I didn't realize that punching you repeatedly in the face made you sad, wow, I am a jerk". Is that what you're expecting?

There are appropriate ways to deal with bullying, and violence is not the way for it to be solved.

Eclipse, I would suggest telling a teacher that you particularly get along with; or go to your principal. I can see it is making you upset and you do not have to deal with this. They won't stop unless you tell somebody.

[Guile]

Originally Posted by Unwritten Words

No, that isn't what she's expecting. I know that I'm being difficult, that's why I stopped talking in this tread even when I really wanted to. I knew that I'd just be difficult and make everyone mad. I've tried to tell her to stop though, and it doesn't work. But Guile, I'm a complete pacifist. I couldn't hurt a fly if I wanted to. The only way I can hurt someone on purpose is if they're harming a friend or family member of mine. When it comes to things like that, the only thing I'm thinking is, "Don't you dare hurt who I care about!".

It happened a few days ago, and I think maybe for the last time. Kristy, Olivia(her best friend who moved away, one of my good friends), and I were hanging out together at the mall. I annoyed Kristy or something, I don't know what I did, but Olivia saw her hit me. Olivia yelled at her and hit her. We didn't say anything else about it, but if Olivia knew that it's gotten as bad as it has she'd move back to our school just to make sure that Kristy doesn't hurt me or any of our other friends. I can't tell Olivia because it'll ruin their friendship(which don't tell me will be okay because something like this has happened to me in the past and I know how much it hurts and I'd never wish to bestow it on anyone else), but if it gets way to out of hand then I know that I can tell her.

Ohh no no no, I wasn't talking to you, I was being slightly sarcastic with someone else. Just make sure that you know, you have a legal right to self-defense if she assaults or batters you.

[AmazonQueen]

You no what no matter how good of a friend she is on bench if she treats you like that in public and gets other people doing it too its not even "fun" as im sure she says then its a group effort to make an individual as beautiful or smart as your self and anyone else feel inferior.
It is not right privately or publicly. She is not a TRUE friend and you know it. You need to leave this friendship a.s.a.p and if you REALLY don't want to leave the friendship give her ONE chance. and you need to tell her "Look this is how I am being treated and it's not right. It needs to STOP. no if and or buts. and if you can't be the loving support friend I need under all circumstances this friend ship is over." and follow through if she hits you, walk away don't even say anything cut all contact and tell her she needs to get help. often kids who bully are bullied themselves or have a reason they act the way they do. if she comes after you and hits you more than once then and only then I would say hit her back and show her your not her punching bag. and as a kick boxer training for mma its not about weight, strength or size. it's about technique if your scared you'll make it worse message me. but keep in mind two wrongs don't make a right. but your DO have a right to self defense.

something needs to be done.

[AmazonQueen]

Originally Posted by Fauzia

I wouldn't encourage hitting her back as that could also be classed as bullying, and you could get into trouble from it. I would personally tell her politely to stop at first, then if this does not stop, tell somebody about it, or even discontinue to have a friendship with her.

I most certainly wouldn't encourage violence or 'hitting back' in any way, as it would be you going down to her level. You just need to tell her to stop. 'Hitting back' is not the solution to any problem.

It is actually classed as self defence. I would know I've been the bully and the bullied. In younger grades I was in the principals office every day. She needs to use her words first. But in the instance she's getting beat on she cannot ball up and take it because that's not going to stop anything. it will just get her butt pummeled more. hitting her back maybe start a fight but she WILL wake up and realize 'hey if i hit her she WILL hit me back.'

as i said already two wrongs do not make a right but we all have a right to self defense if it gets to a point where she is hitting you repetitively "in essence actually beating the shit out of you" then karate chop her throat right in the front (hitting her esophagus) and it doesn't have to be hard it is a weak point and doesn't take much to do the dead. it will make her winded and guaranteed to make her stop that is when you make a run for it and ask for help. (I've learned this is a self defense class)

[MacDaddy]

Originally Posted by Ryan1

Start hitting her back, if she was half a friend she'd know where to draw the line. If it turns into a fight just make sure you win. Sounds bad but honestly that is the best way to get through to her. She's making you feel as though your stupid and your messing things up. Thats wrong she's just having a bad day and knows how to corner you. Some people need to shit on other to vent. I swear if she hits you again pop her right in the face as hard as you can, then tell her off. You need to demand respect from people no matter how you get it. Trust me she will think twice about hitting you ever again.

As for your arrangement about she's bigger then me, just remember to swing first and aim for her nose. Her eye's will water and she'll start to cry. God I love when bullys cry.

I went through the same thing, guess what I had to do to end the abuse. Did it work you may ask? Like a charm, for the next 2 weeks he didn't say a word now we are bar buddy's. Funny how people work. If you don't take peoples crap you'll gain their respect.

This sounds bold, but if you've already tried talking to her and she just doesn't understand you have to put your foot down. Otherwise nothing will ever change.

I agree 100% with this. Although with females it takes a hell of a lot longer to become friends after. To many people now a days won't stand up for themselves. We've been told that if we ignore the problem it will go away, and that's all a lie. When a bully sees that he/she can bully someone without them fighting back, they will bully you all the more. They get there kicks out of it by feeling stronger and tougher. It builds up there ego and makes them feel better about themselves. I had a "bestfriend" that bullied me from grade 1 to grade 8. We fought a bunch. But it wasn't til one day that I decided enough was enough. We got in an argument, and I lost it on him. Long story short, I'm in grade 11 now, and I haven't had a problem with him since grade 8. Best of luck with your situation.

[MacDaddy]

Originally Posted by Fauzia

I wouldn't encourage hitting her back as that could also be classed as bullying, and you could get into trouble from it. I would personally tell her politely to stop at first, then if this does not stop, tell somebody about it, or even discontinue to have a friendship with her.

I most certainly wouldn't encourage violence or 'hitting back' in any way, as it would be you going down to her level. You just need to tell her to stop. 'Hitting back' is not the solution to any problem.

No offense, but this wont do a thing. You most likely will not get in trouble, except for school trouble. You can't get in trouble from the law. Not sure about that states, but in Canada, you may match force for force. So if she has hit you, you may hit her back and get yourself to a safe area. If you just ask them to stop it just feeds the bullies out of control fire. They feed off of peoples insecurities. It makes them feel so good off the fact that people are scared of them. You need to stand up and make it clear that you aren't scared of them, otherwise this will just continue until they find a new target.

[AmazonQueen]

Originally Posted by MacDaddy

No offense, but this wont do a thing. You most likely will not get in trouble, except for school trouble. You can't get in trouble from the law. Not sure about that states, but in Canada, you may match force for force. So if she has hit you, you may hit her back and get yourself to a safe area. If you just ask them to stop it just feeds the bullies out of control fire. They feed off of peoples insecurities. It makes them feel so good off the fact that people are scared of them. You need to stand up and make it clear that you aren't scared of them, otherwise this will just continue until they find a new target.

actually i would have to agree with this. if words don't work show her your not her door mat. if you aim for the nose throw all your body weight into it kind of wind your body up (produces a wicked hook) so basically use your hips it doesn't matter how strong she is your nose is not something you can make stronger

[minniemouseprincess]

She is def. not a good friend at all and not a true friend. What she is doing to you is abuse and it needs to be stopped. I know you don't want to see her hurt or anything like that but you NEED to take a stand. She needs to get punished for this. Thats all there is to it. Please tell a teacher or someone you trust. Don't fight her. If you let this go, it will not get better. I can assure you that. She is not a friend, she is a bully. I think the true friend here is Olivia. She deserves your friendship so much more than Kristy ever will. What she is doing to you was never your fault. It is not you, it is her. Please don't let her hurt you a second more. You don't deserve to live a day of your life with this person hurting you or even threating to. You can find much better friends.

[Guile]

Originally Posted by JamieRage

actually i would have to agree with this. if words don't work show her your not her door mat. if you aim for the nose throw all your body weight into it kind of wind your body up (produces a wicked hook) so basically use your hips it doesn't matter how strong she is your nose is not something you can make stronger

Might I reccomend that you don't open with a right haymaker to the face, it's the most common opening, and is easily blocked by anyone with experience. I would start with a kick to the knee, this will cause her to drop her upper body somewhat (Natural reaction), at that point clap your hands over her ears very fast, like make a cup with your hand and at once on both sides of her head clap them to her ears very fast and she will be debilitated.

On an important side note, never EVER clap your hands over someone's ears unless you are absolutely sure they will seriously hurt you, it ruptures their ear drums and can leave then forever deaf, but is also a good way to take down a larger opponent.

[Illuminate]

For a start, may I state that TH doesn't promote any form of violence.
It seems that most of you are advising eclipse to hurt her friend. Violence should always be the last alternative in any situation.

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You can find a link here to the full Code of Conduct.

If you wish to learn how to defend yourself, I suggest you take some sort of class, such as Karate, instead of taking tips from the users on here, as they could be highly dangerous and could cause serious harm to you or the person you are performing them on.