Don't know what to do

[girl_pants]

I went to a youth group and was part of the leadership team. After i had been there a while most of the other people in the leadership team were bullying me. They would call me stuff. Send me nasty messages on facebook and phone. I tried reported them and no one would do anything so i ended up leaving. I attend another council group which is all about youth peoples voices being heard and sort of like UKYP only town wide and this group have started attened. they're already calling me shit and spreading shit about me to try and isolate me. should i leave and if not what should i do because i can't let it just happen anymore

[Discombobulated]

I think you shouldn't definitely report them, what they're doing is not right.
Don't listen to what they're saying, they're immature and wrong - you don't deserve to be treated like that.
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk
Take care

[Believe.]

There's a reason for everything, and they're probably picking on you because of their own issues. It's not fair or right at all. I wouldn't leave the group because of them, if anything you should just stand strong and have a little confidence when you see them, try not to look scared and they'll leave you alone, same thing happened to me with a "friend" throughout middle school. =/

[Heartlines.]

Lucy,

What they are doing to you is absolutely horrible. It's hard to understand why they are doing those things to you. I assure you that nothing you did was wrong. You don't deserve to be treated like that. I really think you should keep reporting these people. Don't let them get away with this. Sometimes you have to report things multiple times, and keep following up on it so the case doesn't collect dust. It's a process, for sure. It's also a difficult one.

What I advise you to do is block them from Face Book, their phone numbers, anywhere electronically that you can. I think you need to leave the youth group that you are in and try to find a completely different church. If you parents ask why, tell them. You need to be where you are safe. Church is supposed to be a place where everyone is accepted and welcome, that's why I am baffled by the behavior.

Just keep reporting, and doing your best to remove yourself from the situation.
If you ever need anything, feel free to PM me.

[Satine]

Just a few thoughts that may help.

I was told for many years while I was bullied at school that the bullies were jealous of me. It seemed to make me feel better at the time. It felt like I had a sense of worth, if these people just couldn't stand not being me! I held on to that feeling, let it grow...

But eventually it became such a security blanket that I couldn't do without it, and soon, everybody I met was, in my eyes, jealous of me for something. It took me a good few years to un-learn it, and I still have to stay on-guard to keep it away.

May I share a philosophy that worked better?

I am an only child (well, effectively, anyway). My parents, both middle-class, lived together at the time. I was their only daughter. I was a daydreamer and was pretty much allowed to be this at home. All together, I was a very soft individual. In my own sphere of home it worked just fine for me.

I can't say what the home lives of my bullies was like. But I'm willing to wager they were harsher. Siblings with home they had to compete for their fair share of... well, anything at home. Split parents, perhaps temporary step-parents who changed every few months or years. I'm not putting these things forward as things that 'weren't as good' as my life. The point I want to make is that I suspect my bullies had to learn to live to be a bit more toughly than I had. And it worked well for them, in their home spheres.

When I from my soft culture met with someone from that harsher culture met, I lost in the inevitable conflict. It would always have been that way. I don't think there is any need to call either myself or the 'bully' wrong, we just had different ways of dealing with the world and the net result tended to be me getting my backside kicked.

So once I'd got thinking of that, I realised that the best result was to learn to be more flexible. If toughness was the world in which my bullies lived, perhaps it was better to learn the lingo, so to speak. They weren't going to learn mine, convenient though it would have been for me. What would the point have been? It's not a put-down to them that they didn't - they just wouldn't have benefitted from doing so.

Now, to this day I'm a daydreamer. I'm eccentric, quiet, a bit of a loner. Or - I am when I get the chance. When I'm around others, I put in the effort to be more what they would expect. I'm not all that good at it even now, but a little bit of echoing behaviour goes a long way.

I learned to be more flexible, and my bullies learned that Satine wasn't really profitable as a victim any more, and went elsewhere. Where they went after that, and whether anybody became their next victim (if anybody at all), was their problem. But I'd dealt with me and that was all I could do.

Hope that helps, although it is appallingly self-referential.

[Sea Monkey]

Hey Lucy,

Don't leave just because you feel as though you have to. You do not have to put up with these people attempting to make your life a misery. If they make you feel as though you should leave, report them to the UKYP co-ordinators in your group. They have to do something regarding bullying as they are based within the government.


Don't let these people put you down.