Non-PG13 (Strong Language): I believe bullying drove me mentally insane!

[LostTeen011]

Okay well here are the basics about me. I have always been the shy, quiet, overweight or "FAT" girl. With that being said, those were the perfect characteristics for people to constantly make taunt me. The bullying starting back in the beginning of middle school. People would sit right next to me or would just stare in my face and laugh like hyenas at me. They would say things like "MS. PIGGY!, Get your fat ass out the way!, Ugly bitch! She's the most ugliest girl I have ever seen in my whole entire life, Nobody will ever go out with you!, Hey my friend wants to go out with you, Oh hell naw her ugly ass! etc., It really hurt me that people would come and say things to me like that. I never did anything to anybody so why is everybody making fun of me. They made me fell like an ugly freak!
When I got into high school it was the same thing. I still had people make fun of me. Last year in my eleventh grade year I decided to take a tech class at another high school in my county. This is how it worked half a day you would stay at your home school and take your core classes math, science, etc., and the other half a bus would transport students to the other high school to take their tech class like criminal justice, nursing aide, etc., and at the end of the year if you passed your class and the state board you would receive a certification license in whatever tech class you completed. I have to say this was THE WORST MISTAKE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! I choose to take nail technology to become a licensed nail technician to earn extra cash on the side. I never had experience with getting my nails done, but I thought hey, it's a class to teach us how to so I'll learn. WRONG! I did the worst nails in my class besides some other girl. All the other girls would always talk about me and I wonder why I was even there because I wasn't all girly and prissy like them. Nobody would ever dare let me touch their nails except my only friend who couldn't really do nails either. The teacher was also like the girls in my class. She had no hope that I would make it out the class, she never even tried to teach or help me. At the end of the year when we took our state board.....I PASSED! I even scored higher than some of those bitches that would talk shit about me, but that still wasn't enough to raise my confidence about my nail skills. So now I'm not doing nail because I just don't even want to remember that class. Another thing that happened in tech was the bus ride to and back. That bus was full of some of the most foul-mouthed, no home training kids I have ever seen in my life. There were a special few that sat in the back of the bus that always made fun of the quiet people up front like me. They would scream and shout things at me. They started calling me "Precious" after the girl in the self-titled movie Precious. I found this stupid and untrue because not only am I not as big as her, were not even the same skin complexion at all! I would also hear the same boy who called me Precious say things like "I'd pay someone a million dollars to go out with her for a week, she's so fucking ugly, That's the ugliest bitch I've ever seen in my life." The whole bus ride the entire year for me was like a trip to hell x100.
Now here's where the mental problems start to kick in. Somewhere between my transition from middle to high school I noticed myself thinking about these horrible times a lot. They just replayed over and over in my head. As the years went by this problem started getting worse and worse. Now I find myself thinking about all the times I've been teased bullied 24/7! It doesn't skip a day where I don't. A stranger thing I've been doing is having uncontrollable outbursts. Because I think of these times so much it makes me frustrated. I don't want to think of these times at all! I find myself trying to stop thinking about these times by shoutung things at the air like "Leave me the hell alone, You stupid bitch, Shut the fuck up, Fuck, Your just a fucking bitch, or even Hello!" I have these outbursts everyday at home. At school I have been able to control them, but this year I've been mumbling my outbursts to myself and even whispering them. It happens everyday and it won't stop and I just don't know what to do.

[Believe.]

Healing takes time. i remember a teacher of mine telling me that for every insult you take, it takes 10 to reverse the damage (i'm not sure if it's correct) but i understand you've been hurt a lot,. I was picked on for 3 years (probably not as harsh) and one day i made a friend named Jazmine... she was really kind to me, after a year i began to feel a lot better. I guess all you need is someone to talk to and a comethorable enviroment in order to heal. You can talk to me if it'd help on anyone in Teen Help =]

[purplekc95]

I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. I mean its cruel and i can't imagine how mean people can be. And the nails its ok, it just wasn't your thing but you tried it and gave it a shot and thats all that matters. The people on the other hand should have enough since that they are going into young adult hood and should stop playing these childish middle schoolers games. I'm a freshmen at a highschool , beginning that route and some people aren't just that nice.
I am really disgusted to hear the way people treat you. You should stand up to them dont let them hold you back! Show them what you're made of! Have a lil confidence you know? Its hard being bullied, i know what its like cause i ws teased through out elementary and middle school, but i just learned to stick by my friends and just stopped caring what others thought. yea, i still have promblems with those kids but i ignore them and move on. I also say postive things to myslef when i wake up in the morning.

And let me tell you this right now, and i am down right honest with someone when i am telling the truth! I see your default on here and i see a very beautiful young woman. I dont look at size, i see the person inside of you. And You're beautiful, you have a heart, just show you're confidence smile and be independent. Dont let em hoes keep you down!!!!! (: Hey i'm here if you ever need to talk k?
PM me anytime <3

[LostTeen011]

Originally Posted by purplekc95

You should stand up to them dont let them hold you back! Show them what you're made of! Have a lil confidence you know?

Well that's where my personality comes in to play. I'm shy, so saying something back to them really intimidates me somehow, and at the school I go to and really the area I live in if I say anything back no matter what it is at all then I would have to be ready to fight and I'm not a fighter. I've always told myself that ignoring and not giving in to what they say would be the best defense, but that doesn't really help though......

[mr_null]

Don't let the assholes in your classes get you down, truly they are the fucking ugly wastes of space, NOT you... high school is hellish for pretty much everyone (including the popular ones), you aren't alone! Find people you get along with and fuck everyone else... Try finding an outlet for all that negative energy that is building up inside, be it a hobby, going to the gym to blow off some steam, art, etc.... find things that make you feel good and that you enjoy and stick with them!

I was bullied pretty badly early on in life and in middle school and it took me until university to start acting confident and outgoing. It'll take some time to heal but the negative thoughts and emotions WILL pass if you keep working on it! Find people you can share with about the shit you're taking or it'll keep building up and torturing you.

Hope this helps, stay strong!

[purplekc95]

Originally Posted by LostTeen011

Well that's where my personality comes in to play. I'm shy, so saying something back to them really intimidates me somehow, and at the school I go to and really the area I live in if I say anything back no matter what it is at all then I would have to be ready to fight and I'm not a fighter. I've always told myself that ignoring and not giving in to what they say would be the best defense, but that doesn't really help though......

I know i get exactly what you're saying! I'm not much of a fighter either, i hate drama and i like to stay out of it and i'm not the best at comebacks either so i dont really stick up for myslef but my friends stick up for me. Plus i just act like i really dont care. <-- Maybe you shouldn't care either. Put on some headphones, music to block out the noise like if you are riiding the bus. Just put in the music before you hop on the bus and ignore them. Turn up the volume and just chill (: THATS what i doo