Triggering (Bullying): I can't stand it anymore

[alexandrish]

well.. since I went to college.. all happen to me is that I am being an outcast

one time... when I didn't come to class... and there's this group project... every group that I know is full(or pretend to... so I can't be there)... in the end I work alone....
well... it doesn't matter at first.. but when I asked where to submit it....(I ask several people at once) then this girl answered my mail (here goes the conversation in IM)
me: hei
her:yeah
me: do you know where to submit the final project?
her:you already ask someone.. why ask me again? oh please...
me:I can't submit it in the website.. but I can't give it in physical form(this work can be submit either by uploading or bring the poster to the teacher)
her: so what?what is the problem? the printer won't work? you just piss me.. just submit it in physical form

guys the only reason I didn't submit it in physical form because.. well college students... who is far away from home.. have limited amount of money.. I just pay my rent... and I haven't got money from parents while making a poster alone is a very expensive job.... well what I can't understand... she can act normal.... but why do that to me? I just askes her
I can't upload it too... even in the end I borrowed someone's account... this conversation devastated me... and make me realized.... why people hate me?

okay maybe I love my 'alone' time.... but that's because I hate gossiping people or near smoking boys..... I am not a saint.... but in my past.. I ruin someone's life by gossiping about her.. she cried in front of me.. then she moved away...... but I never told anyone in here.. even with my old schoolmate.. we rarely talk about people bad habit.. except if someone outside our group started it....

I can't stand it anymore.. I enter this college because this is the best college with geology engineering.... away from anyone... but this pressure killing me...... I just feel that I have no one (and TH chat won't open too)
my parents just know that I am fine.. but inside I am not.. I can't stand the pressure of being alone. and different(I told you I am basically taller than average boys.. so a giant as your friend is not good for your image.....)

what should I do? I am not the most brave girl.. but I just want to lose this lonely feeling in good way

[BDF]

I stick around by myself in most classes, lectures and tutorials. But when it comes to group work I don't usually have problems, or if I sometimes have to ask someone else for help with something small. Occasionally someone acts like a dick... but it's their problem, to be honest I don't give a shit. What difference does it make to me? None... I really doubt they're going to be my future employer or somethin' lol... especially with that attitude.

What really makes a difference here is perhaps how shy you act. I'm not saying you are, but perhaps you give the impression of being this person that's really easily pushed around. If you give an impression like that, people will push you around, even if they don't entirely mean to. It's just a natural "pecking order" kind of thing... (google it :P). You like your "alone" time, but you also have to train yourself to be more confident in who you are, and by definition being confident applies to being so in the company of other people.

[alexandrish]

Originally Posted by BDF

I stick around by myself in most classes, lectures and tutorials. But when it comes to group work I don't usually have problems, or if I sometimes have to ask someone else for help with something small. Occasionally someone acts like a dick... but it's their problem, to be honest I don't give a shit. What difference does it make to me? None... I really doubt they're going to be my future employer or somethin' lol... especially with that attitude.

What really makes a difference here is perhaps how shy you act. I'm not saying you are, but perhaps you give the impression of being this person that's really easily pushed around. If you give an impression like that, people will push you around, even if they don't entirely mean to. It's just a natural "pecking order" kind of thing... (google it :P). You like your "alone" time, but you also have to train yourself to be more confident in who you are, and by definition being confident applies to being so in the company of other people.

it's is not that I am shy... it's just... well you must know about this... a person who stand out from everyone.. either be famous or have lots of enemy... without that person do anything... and that's me...
I can have someone hate me(I mean really hate) and I never even talk to that person...... I was bullied but not the usual type....... people kept trying to bring me down.. like to be useless person....
I never care...because in the past... it never work.... but just now.. I am in school with less girl(because yeah.. the one that always hate me are girls.... ) but the only friend that I can share and talk are my junior high's and she is the only one....
and the next reason is.. I am scared of what I capable of........ I don't want to revert back.. into the ice queen....

[BDF]

What I've learnt is that it's generally a bad idea to rely on others for anything, especially if you don't know them very well. Expect to be let down/rejected... they don't particularly care to help, just see you as a liability. They're just selfish.