Passivity :P

[Dark Horse]

Hey
So, I have this one friend (basically my only friend) who I've know for about nine years. We get a long really well. Only she often bosses me around and tries to manipulate me (well that's how it feels anyway). The problem is that I can't stand up for myself, and she knows that. Which make it even worse, because then she thinks that she can make me do whatever she wants. Sometimes I do stand up to her, but then I feel really guilty and scared that she is angry with me. I've told my mom, and she got angry with me for never standing up for myself.
Any advice on how to stop being so feeble and start being assertive (not only with my friend, but with everything too). Thanks

[Reverie.]

Hey there!

I can totally understand where you are coming from with this, as it's something I too have experienced. Often standing up to people, especially those you would hate to upset, is a hard task to do, but what you have to remember is that you shouldn't be taken advantage of. If you feel as though she is making you do things by manipulating you into it, or bossing you around, you should be able to stand up and say you don't want to, as your opinion on things is just as important as hers and you have a right to disagree to something.

I'd advise you to perhaps talk to your friend about this. She may not realise that this is upsetting you, or that she's being the way she is for that matter. If it's the way she is, she just may have not realised yet, which is fine, but you have a right to let her know so that she knows to cut back on it a bit. No-one should feel like they are being pressurised into things they don't really want in any way at all, especially not by a really good friend. Since you both get on very well, she should understand. Try not to worry too much about that, because if it's a calm conversation then it shouldn't upset her.

When it comes to standing up for yourself in general it is a hard thing to do. But you're worthy of an opinion, so remember that. Good luck!
I hope this helped,
Hollie.