Non-PG13 (Strong Language): I just need to vent. I hate feeling HATED for no reason....

[RyanX1231]

Ok, I'm 16 and a guy. This is kinda long so sorry

So anyways, my best friend Megan. For some reason almost ALL OF HER FRIENDS HATE ME for no reason. I never did anything to them, I tried to be nice to them and they just hate me. It started last year... I sat at their lunch table with an aquantiance and that's where I met Megan. But the others just didn't like me for some reason. Now it's just worse. Megan's friend Kaitlyn hates me because apparently I'm "annoying", "Too nice", My voice is VERY "monotone" and etc. She even told me today that "There's something about you that just pisses me off" I absolutely HATE her. She doesn't know a thing about me. She just judged me before she got to know me and she thinks she KNOWS everything. She always has to call me down on EVERYTHING I do that displeases her. The littlest things.

Megan's friend Carrie hates me because I'm supposedly "Too nice", I remind her of an adult, I'm "boring" and I'm "stupid". She even said once that I was a mistake.
A couple weeks ago I finally told Carrie off. I asked her a question over why someone broke up. And she's like "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY" blah blah blah and she walked off and I'm like "Get back here you little slut" I meant bitch but it slipped out. And that made Megan's friends mad at me also.

Megan's other friend Laura. Hates me because well Idk. The first day I met her, Laura looked at me and said "I don't like you". I tried to get along with her until a few weeks ago. I posted a quiz result on Facebook and it said I was a nerd. She commented saying "You're not cool enough to be a nerd" I tried to jokingly respond back to her but then she got pissy and I got mean back and she said "That's why I ignored your friend request in the first place" I then said "You started it" then she finally said "I started nothing but now Im ending it GOODBYE!!!" Then she deleted me lol. That pissed me off cause SHE STARTED IT, SHE COMMENTED ON MY THING!!!! I hate her too, she is such a bitch. She didn't even BOTHER to get to know me. Like she just decided she hated me.


What hurts the most is that these girls never bothered to get to know me. They just judged me right away and didn't bother to get to know me. Do you have ANY idea what that feels like? The fact that they (Especially Kaitlyn) point out everything that's wrong with me and judge me, and criticize me to the point where I actually believe I'm a terrible person and I actually am a disgrace and need to die. Cause like Kaitlyn will just call me down and yell at me when I say something that is wrong or not what she likes. She'll just correct me and I feel bad but angry that she's yelling at me again. She's like "You need to be corrected because everything you say is stupid"

You see I never fit in. I was a outcast pretty much in Middle School. And when I got to high school I made some really good friends, Megan included. Megan is kind of a nerd and so are her friends. They're also crazy, random and hyper. So I didn't think Megan's friends would judge me but they did alright. I tried to be like them but then they say I "try too hard". The thing is if I don't fit in even with the nerds, There's no where else to fit in.

Megan told me to not to take it personally. that they're just judgmental and drama queens. But I can't let it go. All I did was try to be nice to them but it didn't work. I am lucky to have Megan as a friend and she's not judgmental. Honestly if it wasn't for the fact I'm friends with Megan, I would tell all those girls to go Hell and never talk to them again. But Since Im friends with Megan I kinda have to put up with them

It's just whenever these girls start treat me the way I do. It makes me feel so worthless. Like I'm not good enough for anyone. Unwanted. Like am I a terrible person?

I'm gonna wrap this up but have any of you people ever had this kind of experience? I just need to vent and need to talk to some people. Thanks for reading, Sorry it's long :/

[Dr.Bobby]

I get this one, Ryan. You're the interloper. The one who takes more of her attention, away from them! They don't 'Hate' you, they feel threatened or challenged by your hold over her, they feel insecure, you're taking her precious attention and time away from them. This is all exacerbated by your being a guy, too. You have something 'Special' they don't, and they feel it.

Their reaction is very common, unfortunately the fix isn't. It requires Megan making it very clear to them, individually and as a group, that their relationship with her is still safe and secure, and that you don't represent a threat to that. And, you need to be very aware of this dynamic and really go out of your way to be nice to them and include them and not at all look to be possessive of her when they're with you, you have to make sure it looks like you're sharing her.

With time, reassurance provides that sense of security so that you can all be together without the back drop of feared abandonment. That takes a while and a bit of real work on your (and Megan's) part. But, you just can't ignore it or complain about it, you guys have to recognize what's causing it and address it.

[RyanX1231]

Yeah, That makes sense. But When I sat at their lunch table last year. Those girls were still bitches to me even BEFORE I became friends with Megan. Megan was pretty much the only one who was nice to me at that table. And now we're best friends so yeah.

[Dr.Bobby]

Originally Posted by RyanX1231

Yeah, That makes sense. But When I sat at their lunch table last year. Those girls were still bitches to me even BEFORE I became friends with Megan. Megan was pretty much the only one who was nice to me at that table. And now we're best friends so yeah.

Ryan! Last year, you were still the only guy at the table, it's challenging! Now, especially so, b/c of your friendship with 'their' Megan.

Thanks for the clarification, it reassures me that my assessment and advice are accurate.

[RyanX1231]

Well Thank you! Makes alot of sense now that I think about it.

[Caiti2]

hey ryan
ive been in the exact same situation that u are before and i have an idea of what ur going through
as dr bobby said ur a threat so dont take it personsally i found when i came into a new group of guys cuz i was bestfriends with one of them they reacted the same way well kinda i what i did was just is just wait it out try to befriend them although this may not work for a bit if u try to make an effort they might include u
when they say all that stuff to put u down they cant be feelin gud about themselves otherwise they wouldnt feel the need to say it they probaly just open to havin a new person in there group hey sometimes it turns out for the better ive been bestfriends with all of the guys in the group who hated me for 5 years now i no how it feels but i promise it will get better
maybe try movin from group to group if theres anywhere else u can go so that u can have a bit of a break from all there negativity or maybe try to tell them how they are makin u feel even though that might make things worse and give them the satisfaction it could make things better to
anyways hope a helped u abit
feel free to pm anytime
luv caitlin

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

People generally feel comfortable when the person they're talking to does similar behaviours, however, people also know how a person usually is like. Being all hyper and bouncing off the walls isn't going to work because it's obvious as balls on a dog you're faking in order to get into a social group that doesn't care for you. If the girls didn't know how you normally behave and you faked this, you would have a better chance at getting in their social group.

If I went back in time to be 16 years old, I would manipulate and play mind-games with the opposing girls. When I was younger, I did this very often and still do it today, however, this approach isn't viewed as the ideal one by many people and there's no guide to learn from, it's experienced-based. Instead, you can use the girls' squawking in a positive way without manipulating the girls directly. When they start up with you, try to view it is a challenge that if you overcome it (i.e. not get angry and try to reduce their squawking), you'll strengthen your relationship with Megan because if you start calling them sluts, whores, bitches and so forth, your vocabulary choice isn't going to impress her. You're more likely to weaken that relationship because even though you're not calling her a slut, whore or a bitch, her friends will keep squawking to her about it, fueling the battle of them versus you instead of a harmony.
As mentioned, they probably view you as trying to steal Megan away from them and they're too greedy to share. Over time it may get better but try your best to remain calm.

When someone insults me in any way, I don't explode in anger and start a blood-fest. I also don't cower away going, "woe is little me, please stop you're hurting my feelings". Instead, as counter-intuitive as it may sound, I provoke them to give further insults and laugh at them. For example, if you're going to insult Caiti2, you're not going to expect her to laugh at your insults and provoke you to give some more because the current ones are pathetic, all while she remains calm. When I do it, I try to walk forward, not backward and if they give some aggressive face, I'll wink or smile at them and usually stare straight through their eyes.

For females, don't do the winks, starting through their eyes or give smiles. It'll come off as creepy and that unusual behaviour may be cause of concern for Megan. Instead, for females laugh it off and some verbal provocation. If someone just yells insults at you with little variability in their words, this will eventually frustrate them so they'll either stop or try a different angle. It's not always viewed as the best strategy but it works if you control your behaviour and body language properly.