Non-PG13 (Strong Language): so tired of this crap

[tomuchatonce]

I have been going through so much stress lately. let me explain. I can usually take peoples shit really well because I've gotten used to it, but it's getting out of hand. Everyone in my grade calls me a druggie, and a pothead because of one guy that is a fucking backstabber. Second, everything i say or do gets criticized. for example, last thursday i was on the bus going home, sitting by myself because all the people on my bus either annoy me, hate me, or just piss me off.then this one kid i dont even know comes over and says "Sitting alone... That just shows how many friends you have." And I do have friends mind you. I have a group of friends, about 15-20 people (every one of them from a grade below or above me because everyone in my grade hates me) we are considered the outcasts of the school, because people dont understand us. were not like ugly or anything, just a normal group, but were different. about 10 people cut in our group (im not one of them,I have never understood how that solved any thing) and then there are people like me where everyone looks at them for who they WERE not for who they are NOW. Third, im in advanced math class, and I am failing that right now and the stress from that isnt helping any. every time i turn around, my mom, or my teachers yelling at me to get my grades up. im trying my hardest, I really am but I cant get it down.last, im dating a girl who is two grades higher than me, and her parents dont like the fact that there is an age difference. We never get to see eachother any more, and we are very close to breaking up. Its been really stressful because shes mad at me one minute, because "I dont love her" which i do, and then the next shes being all clingy. Its really stressful because if/when we break up im afraid she will do something stupid (kill herself) and i feel really guilty, because last night we were supposed to go to a party, and her parents wouldnt let her go, so I went by myself, had a good time, and then we started playing truth or dare. One of my friends dared a really hot chick to kiss the guy of her choice. there were like 15 guys there and she chose me. she came over and she kissed me, and I kissed her back. I want to tell my girlfriend about this but i dont want her to be hurt.

I cant think of any ways to solve these problems because all my friends either have similar problems or they dont understand what im going through enough to give a shit Not to mention their not very trustworthy. I have only two trustworthy friends, and one of them moved to a different state this summer (he was one of my best friends). So I guess I have one. Ive tried cutting, it doesnt help, just gives me two things to worry about.the pain in my mind, and the pain in my wrist.
edit:I never cry,and ive been crying my eyes out since about7pm. its 11:30 now

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

Originally Posted by tomuchatonce

Everyone in my grade calls me a druggie, and a pothead because of one guy that is a fucking backstabber.

What exactly happened?

Originally Posted by tomuchatonce

Second, everything i say or do gets criticized. for example, last thursday i was on the bus going home, sitting by myself because all the people on my bus either annoy me, hate me, or just piss me off.then this one kid i dont even know comes over and says "Sitting alone... That just shows how many friends you have." And I do have friends mind you. I have a group of friends, about 15-20 people (every one of them from a grade below or above me because everyone in my grade hates me) we are considered the outcasts of the school, because people dont understand us. were not like ugly or anything, just a normal group, but were different. about 10 people cut in our group (im not one of them,I have never understood how that solved any thing) and then there are people like me where everyone looks at them for who they WERE not for who they are NOW.

You said you didn't know the kid so chances are, the kid doesn't know much about you and was simply seeking approval from others on the bus. After all, it takes prior knowledge to know that sitting alone on the bus doesn't mean you have no friends (which was his false statement).

However, you're no different than any other student in getting criticized and judged. If you think otherwise, you're deluding yourself. The only difference is in the content of the judgements and their outcomes.

It's good you don't cut yourself, it solves nothing and would worsen your situation because it would give students a reason to pick on you even more.

Originally Posted by tomuchatonce

Third, im in advanced math class, and I am failing that right now and the stress from that isnt helping any. every time i turn around, my mom, or my teachers yelling at me to get my grades up.

As obvious of a question as this is, have you tried to seek assistance from your teachers, friends in higher grades, parents or used online resources? Also, remember that your parents may see their son who their perceive as depressed and apathetic toward his academic career, so their initial thought is you're not trying, hence the yelling. It can also be stresses at your mother's workplace but whatever the reason, try asking her for assistance.

Originally Posted by tomuchatonce

last, im dating a girl who is two grades higher than me, and her parents dont like the fact that there is an age difference. We never get to see eachother any more, and we are very close to breaking up. Its been really stressful because shes mad at me one minute, because "I dont love her" which i do, and then the next shes being all clingy.

Her changing mood probably is a reflection of the stress she's going through, not a result of you.

Originally Posted by tomuchatonce

Its really stressful because if/when we break up im afraid she will do something stupid (kill herself)

I've had many girlfriends, although only a handful have been longer-lasting, probably a reflection of the relationships I want. Anyway, breakups can be hard and some of my ex-girlfriends did try to kill themselves in different ways (one of them tried to electrocute her and I, another snuck through a window to jump off the school, a third tried to kill herself by over-dosing, etc...). Call me heartless but if she does something stupid, it's on her shoulders, not on yours and it's unnecessary emotional nonsense to haul around with you. I only tried to stop the one who tried to electrocute herself because she tried to take me down with her. The others I felt no reason to help. Try to maintain the relationship since you two like each other but if you're going to break up, you have enough on your plate so let her do whatever to herself.

Originally Posted by tomuchatonce

and i feel really guilty, because last night we were supposed to go to a party, and her parents wouldnt let her go, so I went by myself, had a good time, and then we started playing truth or dare. One of my friends dared a really hot chick to kiss the guy of her choice. there were like 15 guys there and she chose me. she came over and she kissed me, and I kissed her back. I want to tell my girlfriend about this but i dont want her to be hurt.

Depending how popular she is with the people at the party she'll find out on her own. In that case, you might as well man up and tell her what happened. Truthfully, I wouldn't feel guilty about it because the relationship is going south anyway, the hot girl who kissed you may like you, so you may want to explore that route.

On the other hand, if she's not that popular, she won't find out as quickly (or not at all) so what she doesn't know won't hurt her. If she asks why you didn't tell her, be honest and say you were too riddled with guilt you didn't know how to tell her without breaking down.

[Samrz]

I kinda know almost exactly how you feel. I have no friends in my grade of my school. Two of my friends are in the same grade in another school and my other two friends are in the grade above me (which is 9th grade, so they're not in my school). The only difference in that situation is you have like 16 more friends than me. I'm basically an outcast. I don't really get picked on now as much as I used to. I was the first person with glasses and I was always bigger than everyone else so everyone picked on me for that. Not fun. I recently was called "ugly" and a "nerd" (exact words...) by this one girl for a few months until she finally got the message that she needs to cut the crap and she hasn't bothered me since. I know how you feel with the grades too. I got a little stressed, like you, and my grades declined. Not to failing grades, but I was a straight-A student and I went down to C's so that's kinda bad for me. But I'm trying to get them back up and I'm succeeding.(: And about the cutting, keep not doing it. Try convincing your friends about not doing it, too. Explain how it doesn't really help anything at all. Just keep trying to stay strong. I was friendless for about a year. Just recently I found people who are just like me and are so trustworthy. Try joining clubs or sports or groups outside of school that interest you and maybe you can find people that are like you. That's how I met 3/4 of my best friends. And about the girlfriend thing, I'm sure if you guys just slowly drift apart, she will barely notice. Try gradually pulling away if you are too scared for a direct breakup. I know that sounds wimpy, but, being a girl, I know how a girl's mind works: if she's not constantly around or reminded about something, she'll just forget. Just Remember: Shit happens, but things will go positive soon. Good Luck and Stay Strong<3