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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MeggieMoo1995 Offline
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Is this bullying? - March 25th 2009, 11:25 PM

Hey guys,
So I've been having some problems at school for a while now and I was wondering if this would be bullying?
At the beginning of the school year, I was good friends with two girls in my class. One girl, let's call her Jane, has always been my friend and the other girl, who we'll call Anna (These aren't their real names, I promise!) was in my class last year too, but I don't really know her that well and we didn't talk much last year.
Apparently though, Jane and Anna are good friends too, so I decided I'd try to make an effort to be nice to her too. Then in October, something happened. I don't know what I did to make Anna angry at me, but she was. So she started teasing me and calling me rude names. She said I was stupid and said that there wasn't anyone anywhere who liked me at all. I know it's not true, but hear me out. She said I was horrible at the one thing I wanted to be good at, but I guess my point here is that she knew all the right buttons to push to make me angry, and she pushed them ALL.
This went on for a few weeks. Finally, I got sick of it and I must have said something to Anna, because she ended up punching my arm. And I just punched her right back. Very stupid of me.
All of the name-calling and teasing went on until maybe December. Then she just kind of switched to dirty looks and threatening to do this to me such as cut my hair or beat me up. Luckily, it was almost Christmas break, but things weren't getting any better. When I'd wake up in the mornings, I would be scared to go to school because of what I would have to face.
By the time those things changed, I was already sad and maybe a little depressed. Would you guys understand if I said when someone tells you something often enough, no matter how dumb that thing is, after a while, you start to believe it? Because that's wha happened. I believed everything she told me, and I was starting to pull away from my family and friends because I thought they didn't like me anymore or want to talk to me.
After Christmas break I went back to school hoping things would get better. For another few weeks, Anna kept right on giving me dirty looks, bu he threats stopped, which was somewhat of an improvement. Even still, I was angry with her and with myself, and I started to think of suicide.
Nothing really happened all through February, and for two weeks I was gone to Mexico for a trip as an exchange student. After getting home, I convinced myself I wouldn't let Anna bug me, no matter what she did.
Well that lased for a couple of days. In classes, Anna whispered things to Jane when I was sitting right there, looked at me and laughed. She still does that. And sometimes Anna stil gives me mean looks. Jane told me a while back that Anna was starting to get annoying and that she didn't really think of her as a friend anymore but she didn't want to tell her to bug off because it would be mean. So Anna still hangs out with us and whispers things about me to Jane or another friend of ours.
My point is that I'm scared she's going to start doing or saying something again. I'm only scared because that point in my life was one of my worst. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the comments and the looks, and I even seriously contemplated suicide a few times. I don't want that to happen again.

My question is, is this bullying? And if it is, what can I do to keep this from happening again? I'm kind of only starting to feel better about myself and get my self-esteem back and I don't want to go through all that again because it really did hurt. And sometimes it still does.
Sory for the legnth of the post, but it makes a little more sense if you know the whole story. Or does it? I'm not sure. Anyways, see ya around.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is this bullying? - March 26th 2009, 12:44 AM

Hey Megan. I can relate to what you have been through with these girls, and your post made perfect sense to me. I'm sorry that people have been treating you this way, and it's not fair of them to do this to you at all, and I know how awful bullying can feel. Anyone who makes you feel this low is in fact bullying you, and you shouldn't have to be forced to put up with this everyday that you go to school. Have you tried to talk to someone about this? Is there anyone that you would feel comfortable turning towards at school who can put a stop to this? Maybe a teacher? I know that 'telling on people' is often seen as a 'stupid, little kiddish thing to do' but when the issue is affecting you to the point of suicide, it's something that needs to be talked about and taken care of. I would hate for you to end your life over worthless jerks who have been treating you like crap, that's not fair at all. I know it's an awfully hard thing to do, to ignore people. It really is. So I'm not even going to suggest that, because this problem has already become to much to ignore. I think it would make things a lot easier if you spoke up about this. And try to remember, even though it's hard, that people like this don't deserve to have as much control over your life as you are giving them. Bullies are tough to deal with, but they won't be there to harass you forever. And trust me, they'll get their fair share of bullying/etc, in the future. Right now, though, try not to concentrate on them as much as you concentrate on yourself, and how to get through your day without even giving them a mere glance.

If you ever need to chat, feel free to PM me.
Hang in there. x





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is this bullying? - March 26th 2009, 01:32 AM

Hey Megan.

It sounds to me like Anna is jealous; you said you were good friends with Jane, and Anna was close with Jane as well. Around your age, girls can get pretty jealous sometimes when friends begin to expand their circle and decide to hang around new people. When jealousy begins to appear, comments and actions such as those of Anna's often appear as well.

It sounds like Anna's comments to you were meant to belittle you or tear you down in an attempt to make you feel you aren't good enough to hang around Jane. Her comments may have also been directed at Jane - what I mean by this is that she may have also been trying to convince Jane [whether directly or indirectly] that you aren't worth her time. I'm not saying in any way, that her comments are true because they aren't. But I do believe Anna was trying to break apart your friendship with Jane most likely because of jealousy and, this is how she chose to do this.

If she threatened you, Megan, I strongly suggest you report the threats. I would definitely say this is bullying and like Amanda said, this is something you shouldn't have to put up with on a daily basis. School is a place kids spend nearly half their time, it's an environment they're in so often and have a right to feel safe at. You shouldn't have to be afraid to go to school.

To keep her from acting this way towards you again, reporting her behavior is one option I really think you should consider. Whether or not she starts up again, it's not ok to let her get away with what she did in the past. And as you said, what if it starts up again, what if she keeps doing this? Most schools have a zero-tolerance towards bullying; if you report this to a teacher or a school guidance counselor or even your parents, I'm sure they would take some type of action to make sure you feel safe and Anna will learn, what she's doing isn't ok.

In the meantime, though, try not to let Anna's comments get to you. I know that's often easier said than done. But just try, you know? She honestly isn't worth it if she makes you feel this way. Her opinion doesn't matter because you're worth more than this.

Let me know if you ever want to talk about anything, ok? Take good care of yourself. Hang in there.



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Re: Is this bullying? - March 26th 2009, 03:07 AM

In my opinion bullying is anything that someone else would do to make you feel like crap or demean you with intentions of doing so.
If she's telling your friends things, or you're worried she is, ask your friend what she said and that it made you feel uncomfortable to see her whisper something, then turn and laugh at you.

And, sorry if i sound rude or something, but could you choose a bigger font? Don't mean to be demanding, it just kinda hurts to read all that small, blue text


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
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"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
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Re: Is this bullying? - March 26th 2009, 10:22 AM

Thanks for answering guys, and sorry about the font. I'm still kind of figuring out what ones are good to use and stuff. I think I'll just stick with the one that comes up right away .
Anyways, I told one of the adults that is close to me about what's going on a couple of days ago, but she can't really do anything about it since she's not a teacher. I think I'll try my homeroom since she's the nicest teacher I have at the moment... Thanks guys.
   
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Re: Is this bullying? - March 26th 2009, 12:33 PM

Hey Megan,

First off, welcome to TH! I'm Anna :]

Now, about this bullying business. THIS IS BULLYING. THIS IS MOST CERTAINLY BULLYING. Loud and clear?

I think you should talk to Jane about how her connection with Anna is making you feel, and be totally honest and open about it. She's your friend, and she wouldn't want to see you hurting, right?

Also, I think you should confront Anna. Anna seems like a first rate jerkface, but maybe, underneath that tough exterior, she's jealous of how close you are with Jane, or maybe your talents or personality. I'm not saying that she's not a jerkface, I'm just saying that there may be a reason why. If she doesn't respond to your attempts at talking to her, then just plain ignore her. I know that's hard, believe me, but the only way it'll stop is if she no longer has the pleasure that she gets out of bullying you. It's kind of like sugar-free candy - it's just not worth it anymore

I really hope this helps, and I hope that this all gets sorted out, but we're ALWAYS here if you need us, okay?

Take care of yourself <3

peace and love
Anna


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Re: Is this bullying? - March 26th 2009, 10:48 PM

I just got back from school a while ago, and things aren't going so hot. I woke up this morning with that sick feeling again, and sure enough, school sucked. "Anna" is acting nice to my face, but then when she thinks I'm not looking, she passes notes to my friends about me and whispers things to Jane, still!!
The worst thing is though, the thoughts of suicide are starting to creep back in. I know it's not the way to go, but I really don't know how much longer I can resist.
I'm kind of tempted to ask my mom if I can switch schools, but then she'd ask why and I would have to tell her. Everything. Great...
I am so sick of this!!
Ugh, sorry for the rant, but I can't think of anything else to do about this right now. We have a long weekend, and I don't really feel like confronting "Anna" over MSN or e-mail or the phone. So maybe I should wait until Monday... or Tuesday... or a long time away from now. I'm a wimp, I know, and if I want it to stop, I'm going to have to do something about it. I don't know why I'm doing this exactly, asking a group of strangers on the computer for help, but I guess it's making me feel a little bit better.
Oh and thanks for your answers everyone...
   
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