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Anxiety and Stress This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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RoyalFurry Offline
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Name: Chris
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Exclamation I need help with my ex girlfriend im so confused and im having extreme anxiety! - November 8th 2015, 07:12 PM

i could use some help my gf is 16 and im 19 and we been fighting alot on and off about 3 times a month during our 2nd months dating weve been talking for 9 months total and im in love with her and shes in love with me we got in a huge fight on last sunday about me and her and i asked what did she want and she said she didnt know i wanted a answer riggt there i said okay take all the time in the world but dont be surprised if im gone when u decide she cried for a hour! so we actually made up that night in person and we had sex and she said she loved me right after it and i didnt reply amshe wanted me to come over the next day so we can talk about us and fix a few things and i said okay i was leaving work in monday she calls me saying that we cant see each other my mom isnt allowing us to see each other and i got soo upset she said i was being possessive and i made her anxious and i that i had people watching her which is sorta true . The reason i had 2 people spy a lil bit i found out from my bestfriend that her bestfriend had a video from September of her letting another kid kissing her neck i talked her bestfriend the video was deleted and she admited to it and i confronted to my girlfriend on sunday . She lied which made the argument a lil rowdy but we calmed down and talked normal. But getting to the poikt she told me her mom didnt want us being together and that we need space and that we arent good for each other any more and i asked if she was breaking up with me on the phone right now she said she didnt want to but her mom is making us break up but she sounded like she was gunna cry and said she had to go.tuesday i showed up to her house and no one was home she tried saying she wasnt home but she finally came to the door and we talked and she said i was her first love and i was the first person she cared about and she said maybe in the futre we could be together again. I asked if we could be together snd go back to what we used to be amd she said she had to talk to her mom and see if thats okay.she texted mr 4 hours later that night saying goodnight i replied the same and i havent talked to her For about 3 days . I called her lastnight crying about my friends being stabbed and she said idk what to say were not together anymore i think you need to get help. She said she needs space i said okay. What do i do i want to go to her house and talk to her mom? Is that a bad idea? Should i give up and say to her im coming by to get my clothes ? I love her so much. But heres a lil update i just got back from her house and she wants to be friends and i wrote her a 3 page letter saying goodbye when i got there she answered the door i asked to talk and she said yes and she said shes not ready for a relationship amd that shes done with this like i want to try and get her back . I understood and said okay fine lets hangout soon and she said ill see, and she and me talked for 30 mins just about everything and we were smiling and laughing and she went to get me to give her a kiss on the cheek i sorta gave her one and then i said could i get one last kiss and she gave me one last kiss and i left . She texted me and i asked her should i leave you alone for some time she said no its fine. Rn im have extreme bad anxiety because i wanther back and my friend got put in the hospital for being stabbed and he might die and i was supposed to be with him 2 days ago when everything went down and i told him nahh i want to stay home because im stressing out about my girlfriend. What doooooo iii dooo about all this i want my girlfriend and if my friend dies im gunna loose it 😫😫😫😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

Last edited by RoyalFurry; November 8th 2015 at 07:41 PM.
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Re: I need help with my ex girlfriend im so confused and im having extreme anxiety! - November 11th 2015, 07:30 PM

Hey Chris,

It's really difficult when relationships don't work out the way you want them to. However, you do need to think about the way you're acting. Your girlfriend is 16 and you are 19. No matter how mature she thinks she is or how mature you think she is, she is still a child and you are an adult. Heartbreak hurts but both her and her mother have told you that this relationship is over. You going over to her house multiple times, calling her, spying on her, none of that will bring her back. It might even push her further away.

It sounds like it's time to move on. I know that's easier than it sounds, but try to put her out of your mind. Give her some space, allow yourself time to move on. If something happens between the two of you in the future, great. If not, you will find someone else. Try not to worry about that right now.

Spend the time with your friend at the hospital. Hopefully, your friend will recover, but if he doesn't you will regret not spending time with him.

Take care

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Re: I need help with my ex girlfriend im so confused and im having extreme anxiety! - November 12th 2015, 04:07 PM

Why on earth would you talk to her mom or any other such thing?

I have read most of your posts by now where your ex has made it clear that she
- doesn't want a relationship right now
- wants space
- and saying "I don't know what to say, we're not together any more, I think you need help" when you tell her about your friend getting stabbed

She's obviously concerned about you, and you're clearly putting her into an awkward position where she simulataneously wants you to leave her alone and also feels bad when you text her and as if your bothering her - people say "it's fine" all the time, but that's usually just cause they don't want to hurt someones feelings.

I am sorry that this situation is hurting you and that you are upset. Break ups are horrible, but I honestly think you're making it worse for yourself by refusing to move on and by refusing to respect her wishes when she repeatedly asks for space and when she repeatedly tells you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. I honestly think she is being extremely gracious by not totally losing her shit on you because it seems like your refusing to respect what she wants.

I know you think she loves you, but having deep feelings for someone doesn't mean they don't also know that they relationship they had with that person is deeply unhealthy and needs to end. I know people who've had the shit beaten out of them by their partners many times and they still love him but they also know how dangerous and unhealthy that is so they leave and they refuse to go back. I know that's an extreme example, but I'm simply trying to demonstrate how loving someone or caring for someone doesn't mean you should be with that person.

From what I've heard, you sound like your being a controlling, possessive and manipulative, even if you do not mean to be. You guys can be friends, but it needs to be friends, you can't manipulate that friendship as a path to getting her back cause that's not right either. It sounds like everything going on is very damaging to your own mental health. Maybe your girlfriend is right, maybe you do need to be talking to someone. There are counsellors and psychologists who can help you with navigating your feelings to your girlfriend and with the anxiet y that it is causing

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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