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-   -   Triggering (SH): Non-PG13 (Strong Language): What's happening?!? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f205-anxiety/t121303-non-pg13-strong-language-whats-happening/)

Agony July 10th 2013 04:49 AM

Non-PG13 (Strong Language): What's happening?!?
 
I'm going to try as type what I am experiencing right now.
I'm shaking, crying, fill like I can't breather and just want to stay in this corner in my closet arms wrapped around my knees hugging them to my chest. My world feels like it's crashing down. My chest feels tight and my heart hurts. I'm going to die next year from the dress, I just know it.
I'm trying to calm downy breathing and it's helping a little bit and typing this is distracting me.
I'm thinking about my next year of high school. I won't make it. I will e taking 3 AP classes, Algebra 2, Spanish 3, 2 sports and Journalism which is like another English class. I will be driving and might have a part-time job. I fuckig can't do this. My mind can't wrap around this. No control. There is no control involved. I NEED control. I have to have it.
Earlier today (9pm) I went running to the hill and stopped once I reached the top. I looked over my neighborhood and it reminded me of evey might see I have had involving this setting. I stood there for at least 5 minutes staring, thinking I was in a dream. I then sprinted on and off towards my house, thinkig I kept seeing things and thought people were following me like they did in te dreams.
On top of this my insomnia is worse and I just want to sleep peacefully for one night.
What the hell is happening to me? I need control and it's slipping away. I want to cut but there is only one place to cut without anyone noticing. I need something!!!

*Rainbow*Rider* July 10th 2013 11:36 AM

re: Non-PG13 (Strong Language): What's happening?!?
 
Sometimes we start to slip and everything starts hurting way more than usual. It's hard to keep a barrier up all the time, but that's okay. It's okay to feel this way sometimes as long as we know how to get ourselves out of it.

When everything feels like it's piling in on you like the thoughts you mentioned about your studies, slow down and pick it apart into manageable chunks. You can write that paragraph, you can fill in that sheet, you can read that chapter. By ticking things off slowly it becomes more manageable and way less scary.

Also, ask yourself, if there is something you can't do in the end then what really is the harm? I know some things are important but sometimes you've just got to think "I'm still here, I'm healthy and I'm fine". Sometimes we can't do everything we want to do and that's fine.

"If you're not failing sometimes it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative"

When your symptoms physically begin to show like the breathlessness then get yourself into a safe space (which you did) and breathe slowly. In through the mouth, out through the nose. You should take between 13-16 breaths a minute when resting.

About the sleep. Sometimes it sucks if you can't sleep. You probably already use these techniques but I find lavender oil, soothing music and having time to rest before actually sleeping helps. Also hot milk or chamomile tea.

I hope you get proper sleep of course but if you can't sleep then laying in the dark and allowing your thoughts to empty is really great for you. Just allow your mind to wonder (but not on important things, more imaginary things, like dreaming when awake). Part of sleeping is dreaming and without the ability to dream we often don't get a way to 'work off' our worries, meaning they get us more in our day to day life.

Lastly, please don't cut. You deserve so much more. I know sometimes you just feel desperate and backed into a corner but my love you're not. Sorry it took so long for someone to answer this but I hope you're okay, and (I don't know what time zone you're in) but perhaps you got some sleep?

Take care.

Agony July 10th 2013 04:17 PM

re: Non-PG13 (Strong Language): What's happening?!?
 
I fell asleep around 2, finally.
Luckily last night I didn't cut despite the urges. I calmed myself down by watching a movie to get my mind off things.
I don't know what to do, if I go out at night alone and I look around I think about dreams and feel like I'm living them. Once I get in this state it's hard to get out. Some part of me knows I'm awake during this time but the part of me that thinks I'm in the dream dominates in this moment. I don't know how to control it, during the day it's easier but at night it just looks too familiar.
Also, since I hardly sleep and am always tired its harder for me to stay in control because it is more likely possible for me to be sleeping.

I don't know what will prevent my brain from getting confused and panic. I don't think there is much I can do.

Thanks for responding by the way, I appreciate it.


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