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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Just need some advice - December 20th 2013, 11:33 PM

So I posted here a few months ago, about me thinking I might have anxiety. I'm still unsure, but since then things have got worse.

I have always been a 'shy' person, people used to point that out. But there has also been times when I was younger where I would go to the park and being a little kid I thought everyone was my friend and I would talk to random kids. Now I'm scared to talk to people I do know.
I can definitely say that when I was in year 7 (I'm in year 10 now) I would nervous talking to people. I found it hard making friends but I made some effort. I did have my friend from primary school who introduced me to her new friends. I remember always being left out, I would do anything for them to like me and I started thinking that it was a wasn't pretty enough or I would get loads to way at lunch. So for a few years I have always been worrying in small ways of what people thought of me. I didn't help I was being bullied for liking pokemon.
In year 8 I know I changed a bit of who I am for people to like me. On a non-uniform day I wore long stripy socks a demin skirt long stripy gloves and got made fun of. I was trying to find my individual style, but I stopped cause I was scared of judgment. Due to personal reasons I started feeling down a lot, I have looked back on my diary from those times and it upset me. But I was to scared about worrying my mum (who was in a bad way because of depressing and was in hospital) so I kept quiet. In year 8 I so self harmed after a attention seeking friend made me think it would fix everything. I managed to stop, but I still slip into it sometimes. I also stopped being friends with my primary school friend as she lied and said stuff about my mum behind me back.
In year 9 my best friend was put into hospital use to depressing and self harm. My other friend after promising to stay by me (she was the attention seeking one) became friends with my primary school friend. So I ate lunch alone scared to talk to anyone.
I have lost contact with my dad and most other family as well. I have my best friend who is still suffering from her own problems and another new friend who have stuck by me.
But recently I have become scared of people, I can't talk to people I can't go up to someone and say hi. People have pointed out how uncomfortable I look I'm social situations. I can never continue a conversation with someone. I'm always on edge scared people are looking, judging, laughing. I get really panicky, I 'zone out' a lot which I basically I just stare and block out everything. It happens a lot and my friends have noticed. Teachers have noticed I prefer to work alone. I have got so panicky in town once I walked as fast as I could away from people and hid by a tree and calmed down. Tommorow I have to do bag packing at a shop and I'm terrfied... I can't talk to people. I am a really nervous person and I can't tell anyone cause, well I'm to scared. My mum is still struggling with depressing... I can't hurt her
I'm sorry I just have to tell someone, and anyways to me it's just typing in my
Phone. I don't have to worry that I'm talking to someone. I just need advice what to do I guess.


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Re: Just need some advice - December 21st 2013, 07:05 PM

Hello, Ciara! Your experience sounds a bit like mine. When I was young, I was a "social butterfly" and had no problem with talking to anyone I encountered. At some point, various people began to bully me, and that's when I began to withdraw from everyone. We learn from our experiences, so it might help to remember that part of your response to people now is probably due to being hurt by people in the past. If you can begin to challenge your thoughts about people in general (that they'll all hurt you, think you're "dumb," etc.), then that might help you to gradually open up to a few people that seem trustworthy (such as a teacher or school counselor). If you continue to shy away from people, then it will only become harder to break away from the pattern and reach out for support. "Learn" a new way of interacting with people by gradually opening up and realizing that not everyone is like those so-called "friends."

I understand that you don't want to hurt your mom or "burden" her with the issues you're facing; however, your mom would want you to receive support, just as she is receiving support now. Think about some trusted adults in your life, and talk to one of them about everything that's going on. If talking seems too difficult, then write a letter and give it to them. You DON'T have to deal with this on your own!






   
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Re: Just need some advice - December 21st 2013, 08:22 PM

Thanks,
I did have a counsellor for a bit last school year, but I found it very hard to talk to her. She was nice, but I always felt a bit on edge. Mainly because I know she would haw to tell someone if something was wrong. The only family I have is my mum and younger sister, it's just hard talking to my mum. She has giving up everything for me and my sister, she only recently come out of hospital again for her depression and is putting of being in hospital for an infection in her toe so she can be home for Christmas. When I first self games and she found out I saw how sad she was, I know she blamed her self. I just can't see her like that again, especially as things are hard for her. Also we have had social services assessing out family or something a few times now, just because someone in my family wanted to be mean to my mum saying she isn't a good mum. And if maybe the school finds out about how nervous I get they might call social services again, I don't want them to take me away from my mum.
I will try what you said about changing the way I think about people. Hopefully I will be able to become more confident around people if I try. Also if I do, I know I'll make my mum proud.
Thanks


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Re: Just need some advice - December 21st 2013, 08:38 PM

Your counselor would only have to break confidentiality in certain situations... basically, if you (or another minor/elder adult/dependent adult) were being abused/neglected, if you were hurting yourself, or if you were threatening to hurt someone else. While I can understand why you wouldn't want social services to get involved again, I hope you can also understand that they're not trying to take you away from your mom or trying to "punish" anyone. They want you and your younger sister to be raised in a good environment, and if your mom isn't able to take care of you for whatever reason, then they can help out. Yes, that may ultimately mean placing you in another home for a period of time... but they would try to exhaust other options first. They could offer your mom referrals, so she can receive additional support while trying to raise you and your sister. That might be financial, medical, emotional, etc. in nature. Taking children away from their parents is only done as an absolute last resort, and social services usually aims to reunite families as quickly as possible.






   
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Re: Just need some advice - December 22nd 2013, 03:36 PM

My mum has tried so hard to make sure that me and my sister doesn't end up in care. She has sometimes avoided hospital as there is no one to look after us.
I really want to tell her how I feel, but when I think about I get panicky and over think things and that if I tell someone it will make things worse, I'll make my mum worry. Then I think to myself that if I don't tell someone I'll go insane and that I already am and then I think that telling someone is bad an its just a constant cycle.
My friends have started to notice how panicky I've gotten, just now we went to the shops and I starte getting really nervous for no reason then when I was crossing a road I thought I saw a car then I looked properly and no one was there then I got really panicky and my breathing got heavier and I kept on trying to look aroun but not make it noticeable cause my friends would be confused. Then I was ahead and when we where outside my friends house I sat on a fence thing calming down and I "zoned out" and my friend asked if anything was wrong and she worrys about me and I just kept saying I'm fine. I just really wanted to say to her about how I feel, but I couldn't every time I try I can't get the words out I get scared and can't speak.


GoodbyeLullaby

I wanna be alive well don't you? There's no use in feeling low.
7th March 2013 Met my Heroes Tonight Alive <3
   
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