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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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alwaysslouching Offline
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Age: 24
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Join Date: February 8th 2014

house 'arrest' (long read about my life) - February 8th 2014, 06:51 PM

Hello, I do not know where else to post, so I am posting here.

I have had anxiety and depression since about 16, when I dropped out of high school. For two years I did nothing but sit in my room, and occasionally go skateboard. At 18 I finally decided to get my driving permit and G.E.D. I felt great after finally achieving the two. But it didn't last very long.

I worked at a local retail store for about 6 months, and finally decided to go to community college. I stayed in college for about 1 month, and withdrew from my classes. I felt I needed to work on my well-being and health. So, after 3 years of depression (19 y.o now) I finally decided to tell my family about it. It felt relieving in the slightest bit but didn't do much. I started seeing a therapist but it hasn't been the greatest of help, I still am severally depressed. I'm back at community college for the spring semester and I am only taking 1 class, yet I still find it very difficult to get out of bed and get to class.

I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 15 years old, I dated her for almost 2 years. We were young, but it was something special. I feel so lonely. I have plenty of friends that I have told about my illness, but I do not even want to see them anymore due to this taking over me. When I do go out with family or friends I rarely ever speak, my social anxiety is as severe as my depression. I want to get out of the house, but I simply cannot. I'm so scared to be in social situations. When I go to college I leave my headphones in, I get to class and sit down, don't say a word, get up after class, and leave immediately.

I also believe I am an extremely ugly person. I spend most of my time at home in the mirror looking at my reflection and picking out my faults. It is also part of the reason I do not leave the house, I do not want people looking at me.

I often think of how much easier it would be if I would die, but, I have never thought of taking my own life. I understand it would only make matters worth. But the thought of death is consistent.
I just want to get better, but I honestly believe it will never happen.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
   
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Brodskie Offline
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Re: house 'arrest' (long read about my life) - February 8th 2014, 08:36 PM

Hey there, Jordan.

First of all, I noticed you just joined today so welcome to TH! Now, on to the reason you've posted here in the first place!

The most important thing to realize first and foremost is even though you may feel lonely, and alone. You are definitely not alone. There are people out there willing to help you! Family, friends, and even us on here! It does sound like you have some supportive friends by the way, so letting them in isn't a bad idea! I'm happy to hear you've already taken steps in doing that.

I want to say good for you for getting your GED and your driver's permit. I know how hard it can be to motivate yourself to accomplish even the most simple tasks under certain circumstances, and achieving those things are great accomplishments. You should be very proud of that. As well, the interest in going to community college to further your education is a great step. I might suggest making it your goal to attend all the classes you have in a week (even if it's just the one). Continuing on the path to accomplishing your goals can really help improve your self esteem and any feelings of hopelessness.

Since you're new here, I'm also going to suggest checking out our Articles and Videos sections, both of which have some great resources on coping with depression, anxiety and thoughts of death.

I'd also like to extend my own hand out to you, if you ever need someone to talk to, even if it's just to rant or let something out, I'm here for you. You don't have to go through this alone. On that note, take care of yourself and I really hope that things start to look up soon.

Brody.


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