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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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Astar Offline
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Unhappy I feel so guilty but I can't stop being scared - March 18th 2015, 08:14 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

These stupid panic attacks are ruining my life!! I'm pushing everyone away and I hate myself for it. I'm so scared to even go into school cos there's to many people and I can barely make it through lessons without getting attack symptoms. After an attack I feel even worse than during it cos I feel so guilty that I've ruined my friends good times. I can't keep up with anything this is also stressing me out and making the attacks and permanet anxiety even worse and I'm always shouting at people. My friends don't deserve to put with it, there lovely people but they don't understand. I feel like I'm scared of everyone and act like I hate everyone and I can't change! I'm terrified!! I hate being with loads of people but I don't want to upset anyonee I just want to act normal. I feel upset almost all the time and often cut just cos I deserve it.I'm horrible to other people not on purpose but I think I offend people and idk why. I can't tell anyone cos it sounds stupid, my mates know I'm scared but they don't understand why I'm always upset. Its cos of them!! I care about them so much, but I've let them them down cos I've made them worried when we all have enough to worry about (exams) I really hate this! I can't help it but I'm horrible after the attacks I often shout at my friends or just ignore them or delibratly annoy them just to make out like I'm 'normal' again and I don't think I can change! The more I think about it that more I want to hurt myself cos in the long run it will better cos they won't have a person who acts mental to have to be nice to!! My attacks are getting worse and I'm always upset. I'm so scared to lose my friends but they don't deserve me. I think the main thing is I've let them down. I've made them sad, they haven't been able to do things they wanted to, they haven't been able to show there own feeling or talk about their problems s they had to confort me! I can't help being like this and I'd give anything not to!!! I hate myself for being selfish and taking the attention not on purpose but it still unfair! But I want to get better, and change and be a real friends and person and not just a complete mess!!!!! Maybe its better if I'm not around at least I can't hurt people then!... Help!!

I can do it and I can get through it. So can you xx
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Re: I feel so guilty but I can't stop being scared - March 20th 2015, 11:38 PM

Wow. What you are describing sounds a lot like PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. Have you been to professional? A counselor; therapist; psychiatrist? I would recommend finding someone to talk to about all of this. I used to feel a lot of the same things you are feeling but I am much better now. I've had therapists who changed my life. You are not alone in what you feel, but you deserve to be alive and happy.

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feel, guilty, scared, stop

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