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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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January 4th 2016, 04:05 AM

Hello. I'm putting this here because I have no idea where else to put it and it does cause me some anxiety and stress so it sorta fits. My main problem is I can't socialize at all. It goes back to elementary school where I was heavily bullied and avoided people like the plague and got caught up in my own fantasy world. I also got very absorbed into video games to help distract me. Now I have no idea on how to talk to people. I don't know what to say or how to lead or hold a conversation. This has caused a lot of problems for me as I cannot connect or properly talk to anyone. Socializing has been a big problem for me for almost my entire life. I don't have any friends and I cannot talk to or meet anyone on these dating sites.

This whole experience has left me very frustrated.

Is being with someone too much to fucking ask?

Last edited by Philomath; January 7th 2016 at 09:08 PM. Reason: Merging posts.
   
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Re: Can't socialize - January 5th 2016, 09:58 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you feel you can't socialise. I have similar issues having isolated myself for years and then trying to be social, it can be hard work. I too, lived in a fantasy world of my own creation and missed out on a lot stuff, so I understand it's hard trying to connect with others.

It might be helpful for you to randomly try to start a conversation with strangers e.g. asking for directions, asking for the time. This will give you the basics that a conversation is like a transfer process- give and take. Both people have to add something to the conversation to keep it going.

When talking to others, whether that's friends or work colleagues, if you don't know how to sustain or lead a conversation, think about what you can ask them....people love to talk about themselves! Even if you don't say much, by asking questions, the other person will be caught up in answering them. You could also think of questions to ask that go both ways e.g. trying to find something that you have in common with someone else.

I've found that by practicing similar skills, even online, I feel a bit more confident in talking to people. It might even help you to hang around in our Chat Room and just watch the conversation flow or even better engage in the conversation too. I know it's not the same offline, but it can help you to develop conversational skills which you can definitely practice offline.

As for dating sites, I wouldn't take them too seriously. I ventured out onto one this year, and from the people that I talked to, guys are the ones to initiate conversations, but with very low success rates. Girls rarely seem to initiate conversations because they usually have guys starting them. And even then, a lot of conversations don't go beyond a few days. But I guess that's dependent on the individual website.

As for the anxiety aspect, try to remain calm. The more you practice, the more natural it will become for you. Nobody is going to know that you were bullied and feel like you don't know how to socialise, unless you tell them. Sometimes I've told new people that I talk to that I'm 'socially awkward' and they've said the same, so there is less pressure. Sometimes, the other person just doesn't understand. But it's ok, it's about practicing and trying out what works best for you in conversations and what people you really get on with.

Hope this helped a bit!


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