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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Astar Offline
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Not so strong.. - October 14th 2016, 08:57 PM

I've gotten so much better. The 5-10 times daily panic attacks reduced and eventually stopped.hadnt had one for 3 months. I haven't throughly about cutting for ages. Until today. It was normal most of today.. actually no it was a good day. Then I started worrying. First of all it was about the clown thing. I've got to walk home tomorrow and im worried I'll see a clown. Second my mums been feeling ill and some of the symptoms are things that could be serious.. although often aren't but she won't go to the doctor. I went upstairs at about 8. As well as this, this last week my OCD tendencies are getting worse. Well I was asked to do a simple task once I had gone upstairs and that messed me up. It messed up my routine which always sets me off. I felt like I had come no where. It wasn't the worst panic attack ever but I haven't had one and not an even half bad one for so long I'd forgotten. I calmed down pretty quick but it got worse as it sunk in that I hadn't gotten any stronger. I gave into my OCD cos I couldn't fight it. It's been getting worse but it's reallly bad now. I'm in my room now. I'm just numb. I'm not strong and I don't think I'll ever be.. but I don't want to go back to me last year. I'm going to college in January and I can't be having panic attacks etc. Don't want to be treated like a special case.

I can do it and I can get through it. So can you xx
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Re: Not so strong.. - October 15th 2016, 08:36 AM

Firstly, well done on improving so much, thats incredible!
Next, its natural to be afraid. The clowns are scary. Perhaps you could ask a friend or family member to come with you?
The panic attack coming, well you beat it. Pat yourself on the back for that.
You have gotten stronger. I know it feels like you've not gotten stronger but you have. Look at you, the panic attack was not as bad as the older one, so definitely gotten better. The fact that you had the courage to write this shows how strong you are, its not easy to talk about whats bothering you.
You're gonna be awesome at uni. Pat yourself on the back. You're way stronger than you think you are, and it will get better

PM me if you wanna talk.

PM me if you ever wanna talk. Send a message my way.
And remember, you matter. You're awesome. You're beautiful. Stay strong, the world will get better.

May The Force be With You.
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Re: Not so strong.. - October 15th 2016, 02:24 PM

Having panic attacks, OCD and serious anxiety (if you've also got generalized anxiety) can be so hard, trust me, it is the marker of a strong person to get up everyday and keep going even when you're hurting so much inside.
I'm sorry to hear your mom won't see a doctor. Is there any reason she won't? Is she just afraid about what she'll find out? Is she not insured? I hope she'll revisit the decision sooner rather than later.
I'm sure everything will be ok. You can always see a counsellor on campus, many schools have mental health services built in and that can really help with managing the anxiety. Also, if you've got insurance maybe you could get meds if it is affecting your school so you can take off the edge until you're able to find ways to not have 10 panic attacks a day. I did that for most of university, not because I couldn't deal with the anxiety and ADHD but because I didn't have time to pat it down and still keep up in school, so it's something to consider and there's no shame in it if you take that route

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
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Re: Not so strong.. - October 15th 2016, 07:12 PM

You've done so well reducing the panic attacks and not cutting so much! When it comes to recovery, the important thing to remember is that there will be ups and downs. You will have some days which aren't as good as others. It doesn't mean to say that you aren't as strong as you thought...what makes the difference is how you deal with the down days- try to be kind to yourself rather than beat yourself up over it.

In all honesty, I understand your concerns about the clowns. While there may only be a small risk that you might come across one, given all the hype, it sounds like a scary experience...something that you naturally wouldn't want to happen to you. However, it doesn't mean you should avoid going out or anything...if it helps, you can think of ways to keep yourself feeling safe e.g. taking a phone with you, telling someone where you are going/when you'll be back.

With regards to your mum, you have to trust that she knows what's up with her body and when to seek help. This is a lesson I've had to learn with my own mum because I worry about her a lot, but the truth is, she's adult and can make her own decisions, that I can't control. I'm also wondering if you have the temptation to look at the symptoms online? I know I did and that only increases my anxiety. If there is a suspicion that something might be serious, then I agree Always* in trying to find out why she won't go to the doctors and perhaps you can offer to be there for her.

Something that my counsellor told me, which you might find helpful, is when we have bad days, we might feel like we have gone backwards, and that's a disappointing feeling. The truth is, we will never go right back to how we used to be...all those things that you have learnt, and how far you will come....you'll never go all the way back. Even if things get pretty bad, you'll know what works for you to get back to where you were, and you'll have the knowledge that you can get back to the good days.

Congratulations on getting in college in January! I understand that you don't want to be having panic attacks at that point, but I'm wondering if perhaps instead of putting pressure on yourself to not have panic attacks, you can reach a point in your mind, where it's okay to ask for help e.g. the college counsellor. You won't be treated any differently to anyone else, and panic attacks and OCD are very common, believe it or not, so you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Hope you feel a bit better soon

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