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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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mrabused Offline
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How do I move on? - August 14th 2017, 07:27 AM

Hi,

I'm having pretty bad anxiety, it's seizing me from doing the things I like; making new friends, talking to girls etc. How do I deal with this? I blush stupidly and blindly at the most random times for no damn reason; I just cannot talk straight forward without either stuttering, or my mouth getting slithery and it sounds like I'm spitting ( I don't have lisp ), I can speak decently well at home and with my relations, but never in public or at school. Maybe all of this is just anxiety? If yes, how do I over come it? I'm aware its something that most people deal with, but this, however, is stupidly ridiculous. I'm embarrassed to go for sport's because I'm afraid how awfully people would react to me. It's a very difficult task to strive with anxiety and aim for the better, you just can't do anything, your stuck in that one place, and your helplessly running out of time. What can I do about this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!


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Amy654 Offline
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Re: How do I move on? - August 14th 2017, 10:54 AM

Hey,
I sometimes get that when I speak in public. I go bright red and start falling over my words. A couple of times I will just be answering a teachers question and I will feel like crying. I decided to start doing drama and it worked. By putting myself out of my comfort zone I was able to gain so much more confidence. I know that it won't work for everyone but maybe you could do something like that to get out of your comfort zone? Also if you start feeling embarrassed or nervous it will probably make the situation worse. Take a deep breath and just pretend that whoever your speaking to is someone you have known forever. It's not like you got anything to lose. You will only regret the things you don't do. In 20 years time will you really care if someone saw you make a mistake in sport? No! So take chances and see we're you end up! Sorry if my advice is crap, I'm only 13 soooo...
   
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Re: How do I move on? - August 15th 2017, 07:42 AM

There is a way to slowly unwire anxiety.

First I want to ask a few questions to screen out one other possibility. Do you see "information" in other people's eyes? Does the phrase "nonverbal communication" seem like an oxymoron? Does the phrase "unwritten rules" seem like an oxymoron? Do you look more at a person's eyes or mouth when talking with them?

OK if it's not that, then we can move on to the secret of curing anxiety. (Well, at least reducing it a lot over time.) [And if the previous paragraph is true, this is still part of the solution, there are just other parts you'd need to study and learn.)

The secret is to do some short Mindfulness Meditation exercises. One minute is good enough to start. Just return your focus to the present moment for one minute. When your mind wanders, let the thought go and return your focus on the present moment. Practice doing that whenever you get a chance.

Eventually you can lengthen the time to 2 minutes, 5, 10, 25. There are also Guided Meditations you can try. Numerous free guided meditations all over the place. ("Headspace" is one app. There are short videos at the beginning of lessons 3, 5, 7, & 9 explaining the concept.)

Also other options are mindfulness motion exercises, such as Yoga, Qi-Gong, & Tai-Chi.

Change doesn't happen overnight. It takes a number of weeks, but the result should be well worth it.

A lot of brain stuff going on when one does this. I've just read that brain scans show definite improvement, plus empirical evidence says this mind exercise actually does work, which is why it's been around for thousands of years. (Western science just now learning what Eastern medicine has known for centuries.)

It's hard to explain the connection between doing this and meeting girls. There is a connection. The women will unconsciously notice and be attracted to you.

Other things you can study are body language and the art of flirting. Women when they like you will do small little body language things to try and get your attention. Many men don't notice and it frustrates the women. (I don't know why they don't just use words and semaphore flags. Something about "plausible deniability". They want to send you a message that they like you, but do it in a way that if you don't like them back, they aren't facing rejection. They can deny that they ever liked you and escape that rejection. At least that's what I've read.)

Again hard to explain why doing these mind exercises should lesson anxiety. It can also be done in a group setting, which is nice. I do it in a group and that way I get the socializing being with other people, while at the same time I don't have to talk with them, but the being with them helps relax my inner brain that thinks, "Oh, I'm with my tribe. Everything must be OK." And it relaxes a bit.

Best wishes! And remember, women like men too. It's not just one way. Women are looking for a man just like men are looking for a woman. They're just naturally attracted to men. Keep that in mind. Oh, that can also be another mind training exercise. Spend a minute feeling as if women find you attractive. It can slowly trick the brain into actually believing it, which again reduces anxiety, and puts you in a better position to flirt and socialize with them.
   
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Re: How do I move on? - August 15th 2017, 11:51 AM

First of all, thank you both for the advice's, I really appreciate it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by del677 View Post
Do you see "information" in other people's eyes?
By information... Yes, well.... I can't explain

Quote:
Originally Posted by del677 View Post

Does the phrase "nonverbal communication" seem like an oxymoron?
No... not really.

Quote:
Originally Posted by del677 View Post

Do you look more at a person's eyes or mouth when talking with them?
Eye's. I try my best looking straight while talking but anxiety doesn't help with that haha

Quote:
Originally Posted by del677 View Post

The secret is to do some short Mindfulness Meditation exercises. One minute is good enough to start. Just return your focus to the present moment for one minute. When your mind wanders, let the thought go and return your focus on the present moment. Practice doing that whenever you get a chance.

Eventually you can lengthen the time to 2 minutes, 5, 10, 25. There are also Guided Meditations you can try. Numerous free guided meditations all over the place. ("Headspace" is one app. There are short videos at the beginning of lessons 3, 5, 7, & 9 explaining the concept.)

Also other options are mindfulness motion exercises, such as Yoga, Qi-Gong, & Tai-Chi.

Change doesn't happen overnight. It takes a number of weeks, but the result should be well worth it.

A lot of brain stuff going on when one does this. I've just read that brain scans show definite improvement, plus empirical evidence says this mind exercise actually does work, which is why it's been around for thousands of years. (Western science just now learning what Eastern medicine has known for centuries.)

It's hard to explain the connection between doing this and meeting girls. There is a connection. The women will unconsciously notice and be attracted to you.

Other things you can study are body language and the art of flirting. Women when they like you will do small little body language things to try and get your attention. Many men don't notice and it frustrates the women. (I don't know why they don't just use words and semaphore flags. Something about "plausible deniability". They want to send you a message that they like you, but do it in a way that if you don't like them back, they aren't facing rejection. They can deny that they ever liked you and escape that rejection. At least that's what I've read.)

Again hard to explain why doing these mind exercises should lesson anxiety. It can also be done in a group setting, which is nice. I do it in a group and that way I get the socializing being with other people, while at the same time I don't have to talk with them, but the being with them helps relax my inner brain that thinks, "Oh, I'm with my tribe. Everything must be OK." And it relaxes a bit.

Best wishes! And remember, women like men too. It's not just one way. Women are looking for a man just like men are looking for a woman. They're just naturally attracted to men. Keep that in mind. Oh, that can also be another mind training exercise. Spend a minute feeling as if women find you attractive. It can slowly trick the brain into actually believing it, which again reduces anxiety, and puts you in a better position to flirt and socialize with them.
I will be sure to look into meditation! thanks!


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