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-   -   Afraid to move away? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f205-anxiety/t156905-afraid-move-away/)

TH Anonymous August 31st 2018 02:08 PM

Afraid to move away?
 
[SIZE="a"]Iím eighteen years old. I live at home with my parents and my brother. I have a part-time job and Iím currently in college. Also Iím diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and clinical depression. I wouldnít say I really have separation anxiety...like Iím okay driving around on my own and I like to go places alone sometimes, I do want to save up and buy a house but I donít know when Iíll be able to. Not this year anyway. But I get homesick easily. Itís okay when Iím in town and I can easily go visit my family but when Iím alone in another town, I literally have to call my mother every night to talk.

So right now, Iím working towards becoming a social worker and I want to work in youth mental health for a while...maybe until Iím in my mid-20s but eventually, I want to teach English as a second language abroad. Iíve been learning French and I would like to work as a language assistant once Iím fully fluent. Right now I want to go to New Caledonia, rural Quebec, France and maybe Belgium but where I go might end up changing. The thing is, the trips arenít even usually that long...usually theyíre anywhere from 3 months to a year like thatís not long to be away from home but I still get anxious about it. It would be fun though.

Iíd like to travel to other places too, Iíd even like to move towns in my home country but the idea gives me anxiety. Is this normal? I feel like everyone I know was so desperate to move away after high school and Iím still not ready :([/size]

Doglover2 September 1st 2018 08:18 AM

Re: Afraid to move away?
 
I believe it's pretty common to be anxious about moving away. After all, spending a long time with your parents and suddenly moving away is scary. I'm quite anxious as well. However, I fear that is all I can say.I myself haven't moved out, since I have a year left, but its likely this is a normal thing to feel as well. Your anxiety disorders may contribute, but you're not alone.

.:Bibliophile:. September 2nd 2018 03:29 AM

Re: Afraid to move away?
 
Hey there,


I think it is common for people to get anxious about being away from home. However, it's very possible that because you have anxiety it magnifies the anxiety you feel. I know that my psychiatrist and I talked about how people do have things that make them slightly anxious but having an anxiety disorder can magnify the normal anxiety.

Given that you have anxiety, I am wondering if you have tools to cope with that? If you do, it's possible that you can use those tools to cope with the anxiety you might end up feeling when you move away. Also, if you don't plan on moving out soon, you might be able to work on finding more tools to cope with your anxiety. The more tools you have the 'easier' the transition might be.

I don't have a lot of advice on how to make the transition easier. I know, for me, that when I am super anxious about something there are only a few things that help; such as time and exposure. The more I am exposed to an anxiety provoking event the more my anxiety decreases. I know each person handles/copes with anxiety differently though.

What do you think might help? Do you think that trying to take more trips away from home will help or something like that? It's possible that you could try and brainstorm these ideas with someone. If you have a counselor they might be a good place to try and work on this so that when you decide to move out the transition won't be as shocking.

I hope this helped and feel free to message me.

Eternal September 2nd 2018 08:24 PM

Re: Afraid to move away?
 
Everyone moves through life at their own pace. The farthest away from home I've ever moved was an hour and a half away for school, and that was enough for me. I love where I'm from, and I feel more secure having family nearby. If you don't want to move away from home, that's okay! It's okay if you never do. Sure, it's an adventure to move somewhere new and start over, but it's not a necessity to living. You'd still be the same person and have the same problems, you'd just be in a different place. When I was 18, I had really bad anxiety too and was not ready to be completely independent. Now that I'm getting closer to my mid 20's, I'm a lot more confident and probably could successfully move out of state or even out of the country if I wanted. I think it's best to just respect where you're at, and don't stress about what you're not ready for. You don't have to do what everyone else seems to be doing, just focus on what you want right now. You seem to have a general plan of what you want in life, and that's all that matters!

Latte September 2nd 2018 10:45 PM

Re: Afraid to move away?
 
It's super common actually, I have loads of friends who can't handle being far away from their families.

This used to kind of piss me off a little bit because my attitude was sort of like "omg grow up, we can't all live near mommy and daddy, you're just limiting yourself", however, I came to realize that this was an unfair evaluation; there is literally nothing wrong with wanting to live near your family.

Not to mention that I literally didn't miss my family (it takes a full day, sometimes 2, in order to travel to where my parents live). I love my parents and we keep in touch, but it doesn't devastate me in the same way it did for one of my best friends when she tried to leave home; but I still keep in touch with family.

I think one way to manage that is by putting down roots; like I have friends here, I have a fiance, I go participate in my "micro-communities" (this could be sports, the gym, church, whatever gets you going) and I feel like this helps.

However, if you're fear of leaving your family is just that, a fear, then that's something you should address. If this is going to limit you in advancing your career, then that's going to hurt you in the long run. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with liking having your family around, but if the reason for it is fear, you should question those feelings so that your living near your family is positive instead.


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