Help?

[PlayingPretend]

I'm currently very nervous, scratch that, I'm anxious to the point of being physically sick. My stomach is churning, it's incredibly painful, I feel nauseous and dizzy and I can't breathe. It's not an anxiety or panic attack, as I'm not experiencing the same symptoms, but that doesn't make it any easier.

And it's over something stupid, too. Basically, I invited a male friend to come with me to San Francisco. He's my best friend and we'd talked of a day trip to SF, but this one would be overnight. I told him it's all up the air, considering I'd have to clear it with my granddad (we'd be staying at his) and boyfriend, of course, but I mainly wanted to hear a "no" or an "I'd like to" if he's free. I don't need a definite answer, but guh. He signed offline Facebook and isn't responding to my texts, so now I've no way of knowing whether I made him uncomfortable or not, and it's making me feel as though he thinks less of me, that I've somehow scared him off or that I was too forward with him. Logically, I can tell myself these thoughts are irrational, but that doesn't help me feel any better emotionally, and I'm not sure how to cope. Even venting to friends isn't working.

I think it could also have something to do with that I abruptly stopped taking my anti-depressants, which doubled as anti-anxiety pills, without talking to my psychiatrist because I felt I didn't need them anymore. I'd skipped a couple days and didn't experience any side effects, but it's now been a week and I've started taking the pills again as I have started to experience very negative side effects of not being on it. But I forgot how extraordinarily anxious zoloft makes me until I settle into the routine of it. So I feel fucking fucked that I did something so stupid.

So not only am I sitting here fretting about my friend's response to my invitation, but also my boyfriend's reponse to the Facebook message I sent him, and I feel like I dreadfully need to cut to bring some amount of relief.

[jelli1224]

Hey, Its okay. Calm down. Take a feel deep breaths. If there is one thing i have figured out is guys dont think like we do. This means, he does not think he's ignoring you at all. Chances are he just had to get off facebook. Nothing more than that. Wait and try to calm down. I am sure he will respond, with a yes or no and you should be able to tell if he feels uncomfortable or not. But my advice is to take some deep breathes and try to calm down. Lying down, or reading a good book work wonders. Tea also might be worth a try. Please feel free to let me know how things go.

angel22