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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Megan1 Offline
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My brain needs to shut up! - June 12th 2010, 04:47 AM

My mind has been doing this thing lately....Whenever somebody says something to me or when I say something to somebody, it can be as simple as "Hi how are you?", my mind will analyze every word of the conversation and like.....make me feel bad about it. It's hard to explain, so here are a few examples:

- I instant messaged the guy who I like yesterday and simply said "hi". He replied with "hi", which obviously is the logical thing to say. But my mind tells me "He didn't say anything more because he doesn't like you and doesn't want to talk to you."....When really, he was just saying hi because I did, it's that simple.

- Whenever I vent to a friend about something (which I rarely even do), I later think about it and say "I shouldn't have told them what's wrong with me, now they think I am a freak and nothing will ever be the same." When really, it was just one little thing that was wrong and friends should be able to share those things.

- When a few of my friends hang out together without me, I feel like they hate me and think that I'm ugly or weird....When really, the truth is that they just happen to be doing something that has noting to do with me that day.

Basically, I guess I lack confidence in relationships and have extreme anxiety about messing up. My mind is constantly working, it never relaxes. It is always either over-analyzing something that I did or said, or telling me how to improve (telling me that I am looking at someone too much, paying too much attention to someone, not paying enough attention to someone, etc.)....This is going through my mind CONSTANTLY, I never get a break. How do I make this stop?
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Re: My brain needs to shut up! - June 14th 2010, 01:58 AM

I know this is gonna sound counter-intuitive, but if you don't let the thoughts bother you after a while you'll stop thinking them. As in you shouldn't feel guilty that you're having these thoughts, they're just stupid thoughts that you know are not true, so why give them any attention? The only reason they'll continue is if you let them bother you. Next time you get these thoughts (which I'm guessing are constant) just let it pass by, don't feel guilty about it or anything, don't give it any attention, just move on. If you really must analyse it or whatever, don't for long and don't give it any credence ie don't let it bother you, and then just let it float by like any other thought. Eventually you'll have these intrusive thoughts less and less the less they bother you, and eventually they'll stop.
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Re: My brain needs to shut up! - June 14th 2010, 11:14 AM

I get this too. Pretty irrationally. Especially if i'm gonig through a depression period I get stuff like, if I text someone and they don't text back straight away, I get paranoid that i'm completely annoying them and they don't want to talk to me, EVER...which is silly, because they usually text me abck a couple of minutes later.
Just try to keep reminding yourself that it's in your head. I know it's so easy to worry about, but just keep telling yourself not to be irrational about it. From what you said it seems like you already know the resons behind the situations you mentioned ~ just focus on those and remind yourself that there's no reason anyone wouldn't want to talk to you, and it's just your imagination!!

Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Níl a shíltear mar a bhítear.
Things are not always what they seem.
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Re: My brain needs to shut up! - June 14th 2010, 12:16 PM

yes I am completely the same, I never talk to anybody or have any friends because I'm too shy, I'm too afraid to speak, or that I will annoy people, or I think that they wish they were doing something else...

This sounds like a lack of selfconfidence to me. Why don't you try to talk to a friend about this, they may be able to help you and put you back on track. I talk to my boyfriend about this. Don't ignore your feelings... share them with someone. You prolly need to get some things out. Just be honest with people, and they will be honest with you.
We shouldn't be so concerned about what people think, but i know it's hard and I am somewhat in the same situation, but the more you talk about it, the better you feel because you realize that you are not alone, and that people can help you care a little less. Also one thing that will help is to not be afraid of messing up. Just don't be afraid and everything will turn out alright.

Like a diet of the mind, I just choose not to indulge certain appetites; like my appetite for patterns; perhaps my appetite to imagine and to dream. - A Beautiful Mind

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Re: My brain needs to shut up! - June 15th 2010, 03:10 AM

I totally understand the feeling that everyone is watching, I have struggled with pessimism and lack of confidence for years.

I find that the best way to overcome it is to remember that its not all about you. Kinda hurts, but the truth is, not everyone is thinking about you. 90% of the time they are probably worried about themselves, just like you are. You sound like the ultimate perfectionist to me, but you have to realize that no one can be perfect, none. Just remember that it's all in your head.

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Re: My brain needs to shut up! - June 15th 2010, 03:53 PM

Wow, that all helps a lot. Thanks! Sophinator, I like what you said about it not being all about me- Because I am worrying about myself, but there are so many other people in the room, people most likely aren't just looking at me and noticing every time I say or do something stupid.
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Re: My brain needs to shut up! - June 18th 2010, 09:16 PM

I sujest tharapy, or just confiding in your friends. I'm going though that alittle bit right now, and I'm just writing in a diary daily, bloging, drawing, singing, and taking time for me to give my brain a break. Our situations are slightly different but I believe with time and maby tharapy, you will find peace.
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Re: My brain needs to shut up! - June 23rd 2010, 08:59 AM

I go through the same thing all the time, it feels like my thoughts are driving me crazy. I think you just have to try to tell yourself that those negative thoughts are just lies and don't mean anything. The truth is you're the only one thinking so badly of yourself and people are usually too focused on themselves to be judging you that harshly. Another thing that helps me is to remember that people say stupid things all the time so dont be so worried if you think you did
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