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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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CageCardinal Offline
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I'm not getting better after all? (Violence, Isolation) - June 22nd 2010, 12:50 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

WARNING: There will be language.

I was just reflecting this morning on how I seemed to be getting better. I'm getting over old fears...(like my rollercoaster one, I can watch scary movies, stay home alone @ night without freaking out, etc...)

But today I got kind of violent on my sister. I have exams now so I'm already under stress and she just was laughing at me because I was so stressed out that I couldn't even speak properly and I messed up my pronunciation of a few words and she wouldn't stop laughing and I just flipped out and started kicking her and I climbed ontop of her and I was whacking her and she was still laughing and I wanted to hurt her and make her stop doing this bullshit when I'm so tired and I've been working so hard.

I have some fucked up friends. One of them is a teenaged alcoholic who only recently got into pot but she does it fucking every day practically and she hardly ever gets sleep and drinks all this coffee so you can imagine shes really fucking hyper all the time and it's absolutely exhausting. How does she fucking live? She also has this boyfriend who she neglects and she's constantly staring at other guys. She doesn't talk, she SCREAMS every single word she says and I know it must be for attention...then she complains when she gets attention. I swear she's nuts - she always has this crazy look in her eye and she is just way too much a lot of the time. She also does the stupidest shit for no reason, such as stealing from the science lab and dumping rats in the girl's toilets. She complains to me every day about how lonely she is, how depressed she is, how her parents are too busy to love her (they're constantly on business trips and they ignore her apparently) and she completely relies on me. I've told her so many times to fucking leave me alone because i can't handle her shit anymore - coming and whining to me. Like I know how to make it better!

So I'm always worrying about this crazy bitch and now my sister is being annoying and I've got to study for this exam which is tomorow. So she comes and leaves all these angry notes under my door (thanks very much) and tells me I deserved it even after the fact (what the fuck?) and then my mom's friend comes over and I just want to beat the shit out of everyone. I came down to greet her and the first thing I thought of was how it'd feel to choke her and I was actually sort of envisioning it in my head. I don't do this very often and I haven't gotten all violent with people, especially my own family, in a while. Seriously when I was little I bit my sister and made her bleed and all this shit. But I'm anxious, I'm AFRAID OF CROSSING THE STREET (what the hell is that?), I'm nervous when I'm walking around my city and all I ever want to do is be alone and get the fuck away from my family and friends. I have two birthday parties I have to go to this week and I don't even want to go. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.


MOJO RISIN'~!








Last edited by CageCardinal; June 22nd 2010 at 12:58 AM.
   
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Re: I'm not getting better after all? (Violence, Isolation) - June 23rd 2010, 02:49 AM

Okay well...I don't actually need this thread anymore. :P It was more of a vent because I felt better about it after talking to some friends. I'd delete it but it won't let me.


MOJO RISIN'~!







   
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