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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Nycite Offline
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Name: Nikki
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Anxiety so bad I can't function - June 23rd 2010, 09:32 AM

For a few years now, I've suffered from anxiety. For a really long time, I always thought I was just incredibly shy. After years passed, it got worse and worse. I would crawl under my bed and do everything I could just to avoid leaving the house. School was horrible, and my parents basically had to drag me out of bed everyday, put me in the truck, and then drive me there. During middle school, I had a mentally abusive teacher that I had to spend two straight hours with every day, three hours on Wednesdays. He treated me and my best friend the same way.

Eventually it got so bad that both her and I had to leave the school once our parents realized what was going on. A few months later, my mom got a job in Nevada and my brother, dad, and I were dragged out of our home in D.C. to go with her. At the time, I never had a problem with it because I was that desperate to get as far away from that teacher as possible. Then I realized it didn't change anything. I couldn't go to school because of how anxious I was all the time.

I would hide in my bed and refuse to leave for weeks on end. Once it actually lasted three weeks before my mom managed to guilt me into going to school again. After two years, I graduated middle school and went to an online high school. At first, it was easy and not so bad... Then everything went downhill. I started became so afraid and anxious of messing up that I shut down.

I couldn't do anything... I failed my first year of highschool. Now I'm going to summer school online, but it's just worse then before. I can't do anything right because my anxiety keeps holding me back. I've tried talking to my parents about it, but they and my therapist were all convinced that I was using my anxiety as an excuse to get out of things I didn't like. I heard it so many times from so many people, that I started to believe it myself.

That just made everything even worse! My parents are getting a divorce, my brother's dropped out of high school, my dad moved out of the house and I went with him, and now my mom and brother might be moving all over again. And to top it all off, my anxiety is so bad that I can't even do schoolwork! I feel so weak because I don't feel like I can do anything right.

For over a year, I was able to walk around the mall by my self and talk to people. I even went to my family reunion and actually hung out and conversed with people, when I'd usually just hide away in my grandmom's house and wish everything would go away.

Now I'm thinking about asking my dad if I can drop out of high school too and just get my GED in a couple of years after studying text books. I can't deal with my anxiety, I've tried. I've taken medicine, I've gone through six years of therapy, I've been on tons of different medications for all sorts of things that I never had to begin with, and to top it all off, my own family is convinced that all of this is just some ploy to get out of school.

Can someone please help me? I don't know what else to do.
   
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JackOffJill Offline
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Re: Anxiety so bad I can't function - June 23rd 2010, 11:37 AM

First I want to say that anxiety is not an excuse....and I know from experience that you arent using your anxiety to get out of things. I know that anxiety can be so bad that it prevents you from being able to do anything. Please know that this is not your fault and that you are trying. I know that you may not feel like you are, but each time you get out of bed is something to be proud of yourself for.

I experienced similar things. In high school thats when my anxiety got out of control. I always had been anxiety (general and social) but it was under control. However my junior year of high school I snapped. I didnt go to school for 3 months because I was unable to leave my house. Literally getting out of bed was a struggle because of my anxiety. My mom would try to drag me out of the house but I would become paralyzed. Finally in school I was classified as special ed and was put into a small part-time classroom where I was able to go into the school building through a private entrance and didnt have to face people really. From there I was able to slowly get back into things. But it took me a trip to the hospital to get to that point where I could leave the house. Im not saying thats what it is going to take for you, but something kinda drastic needs to occur. Have you ever thought about a therapeutic boarding school? I dont know how good they are or anything, but it would allow you to finish high school while being in an environment that would help you with your anxiety. Its something to consider.

I wish I could be more helpful. Please just know though that you are not alone- I can relate to what you are going through. And please know that things can change for the better. You can figure out ways to deal with your anxiety. I understand that you are on meds and have been to therapy but maybe there is something else out there that can help you because you can be helped. Please if anything though, just remember that you are not making your anxiety up. It is real. Its very real. You have to remember that because unfortunately most people dont understand anxiety unless they experience it themselves and they end up saying things like "Just do it" "Just do your work" "Stop making excuses." Try to remember that they are ignorant about anxiety and try to stay strong. If you need anything please please PM me.


"Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself and become a new person." -Gerard Way
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