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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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Flixxs Offline
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Terrified of people I barely know. - August 28th 2010, 10:07 PM

I've recently began to realize that I've got a horrible fear of people I don't know very well, and it's ruining my life. I WANT to talk so badly, but at the same time I'm terrified about what they'll think of me or that I'll say something wrong. Usually the fear is so great that I DO end up saying something wrong because I couldn't think clearly. Even if I rehearse what I'm about to say, I end up messing it up.

I hung out with my cousin for about a week this summer and I was even scared to speak to him too! I've spoken with him before, but I don't know him too well, so I couldn't really talk to him. I think this fear only recently began to take hold, because I used to have no problems talking with him.

Short story: It doesn't matter if it's classmates or even family, I'm just terrified of people I don't know.
   
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Re: Terrified of people I barely know. - August 29th 2010, 04:48 AM

I am the same way! i hate talking to people, ive always figured it was more of a "oh i dont really know you or your interests so i have nothing to talk about" thing.... but it is difficult to go and meet new people when your so afraid to talk to them, i know its really hard for me. :/ I guess i dont really have much advice to add to this... seeing as i put up with the same thing.... but if you ever need to talk, feel free to talk to me(:



In this world of hate there has to be a light Be that light and spread some love Maybe this day the youth can make a difference, No more hate.
-Christofer Drew


days since i last SHed.
   
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Re: Terrified of people I barely know. - August 29th 2010, 05:45 AM

Okay thank you, I'll contact you if I need to.

I really hope someone else out there has some advice though.
   
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Re: Terrified of people I barely know. - August 29th 2010, 06:03 AM

I think you might just have to start putting yourself out there abit more, fight your fears and just put yourself out there in situations where your going to have to talk to ppl, it will suck at first, but slowly after awhile it wont bother you as much.
   
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Re: Terrified of people I barely know. - August 29th 2010, 08:37 AM

Social anxiety
- anxiety emotional discomfort, fear, or worry about social situations, interactions with others, and being evaluated or scrutinized by other people. It can occur at different times of life, and for different reasons.

My logic behind this is that I blame it on media and parents. When you were younger, did your teachers/media/parent pound "DO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS" in your head?

I had this up until the end of last year when I decided to make change and did some exercises.

If you need help trying to get through it, pm me!
   
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Re: Terrified of people I barely know. - August 29th 2010, 01:43 PM

I had that when I was younger. It made me especially uncomfortable at parties. I'm fairly over it these days. While I still generally don't like going to large parties, once I'm there I can overcome it and talk to people.

What really did it for me was learning to reduce my stress level and how to squelch anxiety before it had a chance to take a strong hold. I also agree with James. Acclimation can also help. It's sort of like facing your fears. The more you do it, the more it becomes normal for you.

Here's a quick technique I use that may help you when you're meeting new people (or if you are just anxious in general):

First, don't rehearse. I've actually found that rehearsing what you are going to say just builds up whatever emotion you are thinking about. If I'm talking about something really sad and I rehearse it a bunch in my head to get it right I'll be more likely to cry than if I just say it. Think of it and immediately then say it. You'd be surprised how strong your built-in filter is. It will tend to filter out the bad stuff when you have a clear head.

Second, recognize when you are having anxious thoughts about them. When you realize that the thought you are having is anxious; kill it. It does not belong in your head. Counteract them with counter examples and proof. "What if I say something wrong?" -- "I won't say anything wrong. I only say something wrong when I'm anxious."
"What if they don't like me?" -- "Not everyone will. If they don't like me (although they probably will) then they can sod off."

If you can kill the thoughts early and often you can stop it from making you panic. I hope this works for you.
   
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Re: Terrified of people I barely know. - August 30th 2010, 12:00 AM

Thanks you guys! =D

RedJames: I'll try to do that more.

Alrex: I think you might be right. I never thought much about it, but my dad is constantly pounding that into my head. I think it's because he grew up in a neighborhood full of crime, but where we live right now has almost no crime so... Yeah.

Silver Halide: Thank you. I'll keep this in mind and try not to rehearse things so much. xP
   
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