Its so hard to deal with!D:

[ThisIsMe]

Okay so i am in high school and ive been on the school swim team since 8th grade. Varsity is the team for 10th, 11th, and 12th graders, i am in 9th grade and on varsity.
I feel pathetic swimming with them everyday, when we race i lose and i know their talking about me because i hear them do it to the other few 9th graders :/... about how slow we are.
I totally messed up and didnt practice all summer, im out of shape, slow, my stroke is messed up, and i havent practiced diving (which i SUCK at.) I can make the times, with great difficulty, but im afraid. I have our first swim meet on the 23 of September and i get SO nervous and scared and shaky and worried and think all the worst possibilities and i cant get them out of my head. I freak out and im always under a lot of stress and ill be racing the older kids, and i have panic attacks and they frighten me, and i dont know how to deal with it all its killing me! this first meet isnt even a big one! its a local, "easy" time trail. But all the way into likeee.... May, we have at least two, if not three out of town meets, like state finals and VERY scary meets... in front of a lot of people...

It also doesnt help that my coach knows my grandfather... an ex-coach and my grandfather stresses on my technique and i feel worried im not good enough from the pressure and the criticism. :// its to the point of crying on all the long road trip out of town, last year we had One out of town meet.. it scared the living shit out of me... and it didnt help i had been cutting from all the stress, so everyone saw the cuts on my thighs that meet... i know i was dumb.. but i was in the moment
If you read this, thanks. Im sorry.... i like to rant.

[Katrina]

Hey Kayla!

How are ya? You know, I used to swim as well! I found it fairly enjoyable when I first started. I put all of my energy into practice, and eventually started practicing two to three times a day, equaling four or more hours of practice. I got to the point where I was qualifying for State and South-Easterns and all of that good stuff, but eventually I just got burned out of it. So, that's my history with swimming.

One thing I've found about being in the water is that even if you haven't been practicing, it's not too difficult to get back your technique and find your natural "flow" in the water, if that makes sense. The fact that you're a freshmen on the varsity team shows that you're a VERY talented swimmer. That's an honor, so I hope that you're very proud of yourself!

A few things I'd like to recommend:

1. Get to know some of the older students on the team! I know that I certainly wouldn't have wanted any of my high school swimteam mates feeling out of place, so I wouldn't imagine your teammates would feel any differently. Do you guys do any sort of "secret pal" type things where you make gifts for one another on the days of meets? It's a great way to meet people and an excellent team bonding experience.

2. Try to go ahead and get back into it NOW. I know September 23rd seems like it's right around the corner, and it's true that it's not lightyears away, but you do have time.. definitely enough time to get back into decent enough shape to where you feel good about what kind of times you're clocking. Is there anyway you can go practice at the actual pool where the meet will be held? I used to be terrified of public speaking, so I started to go into the classroom or auditorium that'd I'd be giving the speech in and practicing there the night before - it really helped!

I hope things will work out for you, Kayla. Sorry you're dealing with all of this stress and anxiety. Take good care of yourself!

[ThisIsMe]

There s only one meet we'll be having that i can do that, visit and practice before. its the pool that i swim in everyday, out home pool. But every other one is very far out of town. I live in the heart of texas and the big cities with the pools are very far away. thanks for your concern. i just get overly nervous all the time like i know i should be a little nervous... but not This nervous.

[Katrina]

Hey,

Ah, I definitely see what you're saying, and I'm certainly not trying to undermine how you're feeling. You're completely right - it's normal to be a little nervous, but being too nervous is not fun at all and can suck lots of energy out of us regarding whatever it is you're nervous about. One other suggestion - have you thought about talking to your coach and seeing what advice or tips he or she may be able to offer you? Often, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves in team sports because of the coach, so if we know that they're supportive and going to maintain a positive attitude about the event, it can help. And I'm sure the coach, if they've coached any number of years, has dealt with some situation like this before. I think it's worth a try!

Good luck. (: