Everything is going downhill

[blondiegirl]

Feel free to move if this is in the wrong place but its quite a general thing but i know my anxieties are at the root of everything.
Since the beginning of the year i feel like ive let everything slide. I broke up with my boyfriend, mostly beause i was feeling so anxious about being too serious with someone and i feel that 18 nearly 19 is too young for me personally to be so serious when i just wanna let my hair down and have fun and not be tied down to more reponsibilities that i have already. My ex boyfriend is a lovely guy but the whole situation has been made worse by the fact that he is not dealing with the break up very well and as much as he wants to be friends too he cant get over the fact that we arent together anymore and dont have what we used to have. I wish i could help him and make things better but everytime i try he tries to kiss me and a few nights ago i was unable to stop myself kissing him back for a split second but i was very drunk at the time and wasnt thinking clearly because i know te relationship is not what i want. But when things like that happen he blames me for "leading him on" although he knows we arent together and shouldnt have tried to make a move on me anyway. Now he is saying he needs space away from me which is fine because i want that too but i dont want him to decide he hates me and that we wont be friends because we are in the same block and uni where we live and in the same group of friends here.

The other main thing bothering me is that the new semester at university started yesterday and i bunked a lot of my lectures and seminars last year and trie to tell myself to be better this time but so far i havent even been in once. I know its really bad because i worked so hard last year to get into university and other people missed out so that i could have my place andi feel selfish that im not making the best of it but because of everything going on in my personal life as well as it being the first year anniversarie of my nans death in a few days which im also struggling with as we were very close. Plus im havin financial problems too which doesnt help.

I think i know what i have to do but i just feel so weak about everything i feel like im completely drained of energy physically and mentally, im not sleeping enough which doesnt help but most of my waking hours im spending under the duvets watching TV because i feel like theres not much worth getting up for and i am letting my anxieties about starting uni again take over and control me. I feel like staying in bed and hiding from everything and everyone because its easier than facing up to problems beause my usual way of dealing with things is to hide from them or run away which is why the ex boyfriend situation is terrible and i havent been to any lectues/seminars yet. I just feel like i cant.
Sorry i know this is one long moaning about 'poor me' but i just wanted to get everything out. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks.

[lanaslifetips]

I think you have been very brave in making this courageous step rather than just continue with the relationship because it was comfortable and easy. He will get over you in time, it is just early days and things are still a bit raw for him. Don't let guilt get in your way, it can be so easy to think 'ah poor him' and I don't like to see him in pain. But this is your life.

You have done the hard bit, now you are free to live your life and as you say have fun. University is so important so use the time to get the grades you aspire to.

By all means have a cry but soon you will get out of the bed, you will see how happy your life is and start living it. By all means, be supportive to him if you can, but stay strong and don't kiss him, or chat too much as that is unfair on him if he is still in love with you.

'Time is a great healer, it heals pain, it allows you to grow'