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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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CageCardinal Offline
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Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 13th 2009, 03:32 PM

UPDATE
Lately I’ve been extremely worried. I had a dream last night about this Johnny Depp character (Frederick Abberline if anyone was curious) getting his mouth slashed like the Joker and you could see the cuts and blood visibly and I found it sexually arousing…

Completely different but I was walking to the store in broad day light with my little sister. A short black woman wearing high-heels was j-walking across the street. I took notice of her, it was fine. She was coming quickly though and for some reason as she drew closer to us, the noises were grinding my nerves and making me shudder and feel compelled to walk faster. She was only power-walking and she looked harmless and clearly had no intent to harm, it was quite cold outside as well so that was likely why she was rushing. I was trying to rationalize this in my head but I got very nervous and as she came up behind us, I prayed she wouldn’t accidentally brush me and I tried to keep my distance. I felt a rush of relief after she had gone, and for the remainder of that shopping trip I did not want to touch anyone at all, except for my little sister.

Also, I've had this situation for a while where my impatience gets way out of hand...it's occurred more than once, definitely. Sometimes, over the littlest of things, I get very impatient and it leads to me getting even more upset: it can be someone not responding fast on msn, someone forgetting to call me, someone late for something and someone being distant from me. I start to get upset, it's difficult to breathe, my cheeks might start to burn, I might feel so frustrated and like I'm going to cry, and I start getting paranoid and assume the worst has happened. For example, if they've taken anywhere from five-ten minutes or longer to reply to me on msn messenger I might think they're ignoring me or I said something that made them upset or something bad happened to them and I get really nervous.

I also discovered some of my mom's old anxiety pills from a year ago...they were only .05 MG at the time (they're more now) and so I took one a few weeks back when my urges to cut came back. I'm not sure they helped but I did it unprescribed...
I got desperate. I was feeling physically sick anyway, and my little sister was being very frustrating/annoying and my day had been not so good. I was desperate to hurt myself when I hadn't had the urges since I was 12. I couldn't find anything sharp upstairs and I was too upset to go downstairs and possibly run into someone so I went back to my room where a glass bottle was and I was slamming it against my desk, attempting to break it and produce something sharp enough to jut into my arm, leg, whatever...but not my wrist. Of course I had to cut it out cause people started hearing it. Thankfully I calmed myself down and I was able to suppress it. So I took the pill, got in bed and floated off to sleep. That too! I suddenly have sudden urges to sleep, especially when I feel bored or I don't know what to do with myself. But at the same time I'm still restless and I don't want to miss things.

As you can see...yeah. My friend who has depression insists I see someone/get tested. I'm nervous/scared to do that too. I know very well you guys can't diagnose and I respect and completely understand that, of course you guys can't, you're all struggling with issues of your own and you're all here to support and give advice...but does this sound suspicious to you at all?

Last edited by CageCardinal; March 14th 2009 at 02:57 PM. Reason: Labeled it triggering for you, just to be on the safe side. [:
   
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 13th 2009, 03:40 PM

I experience similar. I understand how disturbing it can be.
For me it's a result of having been bullied. It's complicated, and I am having professional help for that - and my other issues.
   
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 14th 2009, 12:34 AM

I completely understand what youre going through. I, as well, go through sudden instances of just shear anxiety. Believe me, youre not alone in this. Not at all. But I would highly recommend talking to someone professionally. It helps so much. They'll get everything in order for you. You have too much built up. You need to find a better outlet than just sleeping or cutting the urges away. Hope I helped a little. Good luck - pm me anytime :]


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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 14th 2009, 01:05 AM

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Originally Posted by YoureMySublime View Post
I completely understand what youre going through. I, as well, go through sudden instances of just shear anxiety. Believe me, youre not alone in this. Not at all. But I would highly recommend talking to someone professionally. It helps so much. They'll get everything in order for you. You have too much built up. You need to find a better outlet than just sleeping or cutting the urges away. Hope I helped a little. Good luck - pm me anytime :]
Thank you Your understanding made me feel better. But no one has said anything about my dream...have you ever experienced anything like that or know of anyone who has?
   
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 14th 2009, 03:20 AM

I don't see anything harmful about the dream. If you want to interpret it go ahead but I find dreams to be meaningless. If it's occurred a few times, then ignore it. You seem to be very nervous and angry at times, so perhaps it's reflecting that. I wouldn't worry about it.
   
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 14th 2009, 07:27 AM

Dreams can be the darker side of our personality - and can help us work through stuff. It sounds like there's a power thing going on. I have a dark side in me where violence etc arouses me, I guess you'd say - at least, part of me is attracted to it. As I said, for me, that's because I was bullied. I guess you could ask yourself why you might find it arousing - maybe you feel powerless in other areas of your life, and it's to compensate?
   
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 18th 2009, 02:22 AM

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Dreams can be the darker side of our personality - and can help us work through stuff. It sounds like there's a power thing going on. I have a dark side in me where violence etc arouses me, I guess you'd say - at least, part of me is attracted to it. As I said, for me, that's because I was bullied. I guess you could ask yourself why you might find it arousing - maybe you feel powerless in other areas of your life, and it's to compensate?
The more I think about it, the more that seems likely.*sigh* I always feel weak and useless
   
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 18th 2009, 08:49 AM

I know how that can be...

But, remember, feeling weak and useless doesn't mean that that's what you are. Life circumstances or whatever have led to you feeling that way, possibly.



   
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 18th 2009, 09:48 PM

i have the same problem...in a way
im easily provoked for violence, but that could be from years of abuse and built up anger

then the blood...i for some reason love the sight of blood and it can sometimes get arrousing coming from certain people (like one day im not going into full detail due to content, but id dug my nails in my boyfriends back [due to lack of self control] so hard it bled and it seemed to arrouse me more than it should. i thought about the blood dripping down his back and i just got all "excited")

then, ive been told i was paranoid, i dont even like to sit in the front of the classroom because i dont like having my back turned to people. And when i stand in the line at lunch or something, if im there for over five minutes i get very uncomfortable and start getting so impatient i start cussing people out


~~Jessica and Michael~~

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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 19th 2009, 03:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathey View Post
I know how that can be...

But, remember, feeling weak and useless doesn't mean that that's what you are. Life circumstances or whatever have led to you feeling that way, possibly.
That sounds about right. *sigh* It's difficult. I can sometimes drown in this depression, this self-hate and self-pity and desperation and I hate myself for it. You know the movie Sweeney Todd with Johnny Depp? I LOVE that movie, and I love the original musical. My birthday is approaching and I want to buy a replica of his razor so badly but I'm so scared that the next time I have a breakdown, I'm going to cut myself with it and return back to self-harm. I haven't cut myself in roughly two years but the urges lately have been absolutely terrible. I distract myself as best as I can: breathing, sleeping, listening to music, venting to friends but I'm so ashamed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jessica1122 View Post

then the blood...i for some reason love the sight of blood and it can sometimes get arrousing coming from certain people (like one day im not going into full detail due to content, but id dug my nails in my boyfriends back [due to lack of self control] so hard it bled and it seemed to arrouse me more than it should. i thought about the blood dripping down his back and i just got all "excited")

then, ive been told i was paranoid, i dont even like to sit in the front of the classroom because i dont like having my back turned to people. And when i stand in the line at lunch or something, if im there for over five minutes i get very uncomfortable and start getting so impatient i start cussing people out
Exactly...I could get aroused from the same type of situation. Also, the paranoia of the classroom I get. I'm just...paranoid. I hate phone conversations, I'm always tempted to practice out what I want to say before and things like that. Also...I get impatient as well but I never get outwardly angry...I just get really frustrated and depending on the situation have difficulty breathing, start to cry, yell...etc.

Also, lately I've noticed I have this problem with constantly losing track of time...I went to the washroom at a restaurant two nights ago and it felt as though I'd been there for a minute or two but my grandparents had gotten worried and my sister came to get me. They're strict and worry warts anyway but it was really weird.
   
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 19th 2009, 11:51 PM

Glad to know im not the only one! i hate phone conversations too...they make me nervous because its not like on the computer where i can hit backspace or delete whenever something i said was wrong. The losing track of time thing, is also a likeness we have, my teachers sometimes try to write me up for cutting because i'll go to the bathroom or somewhere and ill be so lost in my own little world, i'll be gone for 10-15 minutes and think i was only gone for 5 minutes.


~~Jessica and Michael~~

We started dating 11/22/08
He told me he loved me on his 8th birthday
And i never believed he still would
After all that time....
until the day that changed my life
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 20th 2009, 12:10 AM

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Originally Posted by jessica1122 View Post
Glad to know im not the only one! i hate phone conversations too...they make me nervous because its not like on the computer where i can hit backspace or delete whenever something i said was wrong. The losing track of time thing, is also a likeness we have, my teachers sometimes try to write me up for cutting because i'll go to the bathroom or somewhere and ill be so lost in my own little world, i'll be gone for 10-15 minutes and think i was only gone for 5 minutes.
So true! My god...I really don't know if in reality I'm gone for that long but I think it's happened...is that a form of dissociation? Or is it just something that happens...
   
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Re: Anxiety and Violence/Blood lust - March 21st 2009, 01:45 AM

im not sure but instead of using this as a chat room u should PM me...


~~Jessica and Michael~~

We started dating 11/22/08
He told me he loved me on his 8th birthday
And i never believed he still would
After all that time....
until the day that changed my life
  Send a message via Yahoo to jessica1122  
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