Un-rashional fears causing anxiety and more

[TallGuy]

For some time now I have had this problem where I see something ordinary and turn it into something horrible that I might do.
Sorry its difficult to explain but here are some examples:
I am at the beach and see a very young girl half naked. Nothing out of the ordinary, but for some reason my brain immediately thinks up something horrible. One of which is that I then think because I saw a young girl half naked that I am a pedophile or that I will rape my children when I am a grown up. After that I become nervous and suspect people of knowing what I am thinking.

Another is even worse because it involves my mother.
When I am trying to sleep and my mind is wandering and thinking of random stuff all of the sudden my mother turns up in my dream..and usually in a sexual context. Its horrible and I cant explain why this happens, but when it does I quickly think of sth else..
Unfortunately this does not work because other horrible thoughts pop up

Falling asleep sometimes takes hours for me and during the day I'm nervous because similar ideas arrive in my head and I desperately try to get rid of them.

And then there is of course my "fear" ( Its not really) of being gay. (I don't mind homosexuals, on the contrary, I defend them whenever I can in school,etc) When this happens I think "Was I checking out that guy?No!Or maybe I was?" It is so confusing and frustrating and I cant think clearly.

On top of that I doesn't help making friends or gfs..I don't talk to anyone about my feelings or problems because I don't want to turn back into the crying sensitive kid I was in primary school. I've built my my new self as someone who doesn't care about anything/-one and I have no friend who I can trust. I would alienate everyone around if Id tell them but at thae same time NOT telling them does the same
This also means that I don't like physical contact and hate feelings..I mean really hate to the extent where it hurts (and disgusts me) when someone shows strong emotions

I'm sorry for the long post but I had to get this of my chest

[JKmadu619]

First of all it's "Irrational" (Not as a Grammar Nazi, as a helpful pointer.)

but I understand your issues.

For one, if I get angry at someone I imeditately become afraid that I will brutally murder them. I have no history of violence of any kind, but for some reason I'm always afraid of killing people I'm mad at. (Like your thoughts of being a peophile)

You mentioned seeing your mother in a sexual context, acording to Sigman Freud this is not unusual. I'm not sure if I believe him/credit everything he says. However this might not be strange if you believe his outlooks.

Your hatred of emotions if another thing I feel. I felt grief the other day and felt unhappy at showing such a human emotion. It made me feel weak.

I don't have an answer to your problem, but I identified with it and I want you to know you are not alone. I'm curious to what sort of answers are given.

- Justin

[annalibelle]

Wow, you're brave to talk about all this. I get the same thing a lot, which is even weirder because I'm a girl. I've even experienced the young girl oh my gosh what if I'm a pedophile anxiety thing. I'm even with you on the no emotions b/c I used to be a crybaby thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts

What you might have is Intrusive thoughts, random thoughts that aren't intentional and interfere with your life. Talk to someone with OCD, about it as intrusive thoughts are symptoms of pure O, OCD. Not that I'm saying you have OCD. The gay anxiety is a common thought for intrusive thoughts though. If it's any help, I pm'd a user here called Jen.
Ditto with above. You are definitely NOT alone on this. I can relate a lot.

[daisyduck]

I can relate a lot. Intrusive thoughts can be really annoying. It happens to me a lot and it can be really upsetting.

Anyway, you aren't alone at all.

PM me if you want to talk

[PSY]

Intrusive thoughts can be a result of having OCD, or obsessive compulsive disorder. Don't take our word for it, though... talk to a psychological professional who specializes in OCD and/or anxiety disorders. It sounds like you could benefit from regular therapy sessions, since these thoughts are interfering with your everyday life.

[Kyle M]

I have some of the same things happen to me. I used to let the intrusive thoughts control me or scare me out of doing things. They still hold me back from talking to certain people. I over analyze everything and beat myself up afterwards. I don't know if this is something you experience. But I also understand too well who you feel about gay- anxiety- I've been through alot, even painful situations b/c I deal with the same thoughts, I'm attracted to guys, but I don't approach them easily. So I get confused about it. Plus my parents don't like that side of me.
But I want you to know your not alone. I'll be here if you need me

[Thirteen]

Have you ever considered therapy? Something is probably causing these thought patterns, and having a professional who deals with these kinds of things to talk to could prove beneficial.