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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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Adzy Offline
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I'm new, and need some help. - April 11th 2012, 10:23 PM

Hello everybody, my name is Adam and I am 18.

I'm new here, and found this place after my girlfriend told me on the phone that I "never leave the house", haha.

Well anyway, I guess I'm here about that really. My current situation is that I finished college last year and have been either employed or looking for employment since. Right now I am currently unemployed and therefore have no money/plans. My friends are all back from university for half term but I have only seen them three times, and on Monday they'll be gone again.

I basically live in my bedroom. With nothing to do as I wait for an answer regarding jobs, I spend most of my day in my room, on the laptop etc. I always spend nights in my room watching TV instead of being downstairs with my family, they have made jokes about it before. I have always been nervous around being with relatives too, and would always go bright red at least once or twice.

I have also never been the type of person to go out on friday/saturday nights because my friends at the time were the same. Now whenever I think about going out, I get insanely paranoid that something bad will happen to me and end up rejecting the idea, even after being excited about it for days. Going back to my girlfriend, she also said that her friends don't bother inviting me to their parties/events anymore because I always turned them down. This wasn't because I hated them or anything, it's because I'm just so nervous about meeting new people.

I am a weirdo in that in some social situations I am completely fine. I'm outgoing, funny (I'm known as the funny one in my group of friends after all) and am easy to talk to. But lately I've been still outgoing, but I just sweat unbelievable amounts. Like MASSIVE pit stain amounts. I don't know why this has come about because while I'm always a little nervous before seeing friends, I'm not close-to-breaking-down nervous about it.

I really don't want to remain a social recluse and turn into someone who never goes out because when I'm feeling confident, I am outgoing and make jokes and whatnot. I just don't know how to urge myself into going out and the whole "going red" thing was probably what started it all off.

I'm sorry for the long post but the comment my lady said to me just hit me and I don't really wanna end up losing her over this . I don't want to succumb to anxiety, but it's just really difficult to break through it. Help?

P.S: This is a wonderful website.
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Re: I'm new, and need some help. - April 12th 2012, 10:59 AM

Hey Adam! First of all, welcome to TeenHelp. My name's Alex.

I am not sure exactly how anxious you get before social events or anything, but it seems like it would definitely do you some good to just gradually step out of your comfort zone in baby steps. You mention being confident, funny, and outgoing in certain situations. What is the difference between those situations and ones where you are a nervous wreck, or ones that you avoid completely? My guess would be just the unpredictability of those situations. I think getting yourself more comfortable in those situations will just be a matter of time and patience. Perhaps start off just socializing more with people that you are most familiar with and go from there like being around your family or girlfriend more. Take a walk outside and maybe say "hello" to people that you pass or something and build from there. Taking baby steps out of your comfort zone will be the key to this (at least from my point of view ).

Oh, as far as the sweating thing goes, I do it too if I am in a very nerve-wracking situation, and my hands sweat as well. That seems relatively normal, but if it is really bad, I think they actually make a special deodorant that helps you not to sweat profusely. As I recall, you might need to consult a doctor for it.

I hope things go well for you. Just remember that you can do it if you really want it.

"Ignore the ramblings of the ignorant, and step on or over their crumpled bodies as you make your way to the top of the mountain. Eat upon their flesh for fuel, and, through your determination and will, banish them to obscurity and a life of complacency and self righteousness that is the hell in which they live"

-Richard Safreed

"Civilize the mind, but make savage the body."
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Adzy Offline
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Re: I'm new, and need some help. - April 12th 2012, 11:42 AM

Hey Alex,

Thanks a lot for your answer. The sweating thing is pretty much constant, I sweat from my hands practically every time I get in the car with friends/family/girlfriend and her family and I feel bad for the lady because she has to put up with my clammy hands

I don't know what it is but I think I'm just comfortable around friends (obviously) but last time I saw them we were all crammed in one car and it was rather tight for space. I was sweating like mad but I think part of that was from the tight space. Whereas the other day I met another friend in the town center and I was fine, no sweating, no nervousness etc.

Hmm, I think I might try the baby steps thing. I already said to myself that I would stay downstairs with the family tonight instead of staying in my room. As little and as sad as that might sound, it would probably give me a little bit more confidence.
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