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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Parents are driving me up the wall. - May 20th 2012, 12:55 PM

This time last year I had dropped out of school and I was just sitting around feel shit and cutting myself. I was literally as far down as I think it's possible to go, I had nothing. Over the summer I turned it around and I'm now enrolled in college and studying for my A Levels. I've got new friends and most things seem to be going my way.

I'm studying four subjects and I'm on course for A, A/B, C, D. I've already sat two out of four exams and the remaining two are the ones I'm not expected to do so well in. Things is, my parents won't shut the fuck up about revision - every single time I don't do it, they expect me to do more. For example, they went out this weekend and told me to tidy my room/the kitchen whilst they were gone and maybe do a little revision. I tidied both places up and as I'm feeling incredibly rough (flu), I took it easy and just rested, not doing any work. They come back and surprise surprise, don't thank me for doing the housework at all and just start barking down my face about how I'm going to 'get Es and Gs', how I might as well 'drop out and find a job' and whatever else. It's really disheartening and I'm beginning to feel the strain. It's never enough - whenever I do revise, it isn't enough and I have to do more.

I plan on dropping those two subjects anyway and picking up another two in their place. Next year I'm going to revise extremely hard and get into University with four As/Bs. I'm confident I can do it but they seem to have no faith in me at all. Help?
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Re: Parents are driving me up the wall. - May 20th 2012, 01:41 PM

Hey there,

I know what you mean about parents and revision. Mine hardly ever shut up about it either! It's frustrating because it feels like they don't trust us to work autonomously, and after a while it can get really stressful.

Maybe you need to tell your parents to lay off a little, in the politest possible way? If you come across too aggressive (which I'm sure you won't) they are less likely to take you seriously, but telling them calmly might help them understand the pressure is getting to you. And every parent should know that too much pressure is crippling, that everyone needs a break from time to time. What they're saying to you is very hurtful, and they need to realise that.

At the end of the day, you're not doing this for them. You're doing it for you. And that's something they have to understand too. You're not their trophy. You're a person, you're independent, and it's discouraging to be pressured and put down because of their expectations. I know it's not easy to just ignore what your parents say, but if you spoke to them or maybe wrote them a letter telling them how you feel, they might realise how counterproductive this cycle is.

Do they know what you went through when you dropped out of school? Do they realise how hard you've worked to turn things around, to keep your head above water and have a positive outlook? I don't think they'd want you to be unhappy. They were teenagers once, and if they're gently reminded that stress isn't easy to deal with, they might just change their attitude.

Take care. I'm here if you need to talk.

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Re: Parents are driving me up the wall. - May 20th 2012, 06:49 PM

My parents were like that before and throughout high-school, especially in my senior year. It was frustrating as I did study but they expected more. Before high-school, my grades sunk very low it looked as though I wouldn't pass the year but I was able to pull them up, although I haven't engaged in the self-harm so I cant relate to you on that. Right now I graduated university and as odd as it sounds, I thank my parents for barking down my throat to study and revise. It motivated me not only to study more but to ask them for help in how to study and revise better.

I find it laughable you expected to be thanked for the housework. In my mind, they were chores, or things you were expected and meant to do. I had housecleaning chores before I was in high-school and wasn't thanked, which made sense. You would've been thanked had you not been told to do any housecleaning but went ahead anyway. From your parents' reactions, studying was more important than the chores, which isn't a hindsight view given they were stressing about getting you to study and not about getting you to clean.

Your parents have faith in you, if they had no faith then they wouldn't bother wasting their breath. There's no way your parents can help you study other than barking if they don't actively help, which is partially your fault and partially theirs for not doing so. Try asking them for help on how to study, such as how they studied back in the day, how they overcame difficulties in studying, and giving suggestions of how they can help motivate you. I'm sure they would be open to answering your questions and perhaps their answers would be insightful. Asking them to stop their "cycle" is the same as telling them, "dear mom and dad, shut the fuck up". They may stop barking at you but they're not going to feel good inside, which they'll project onto you. Stress isn't easy to deal with but you'd get a better response asking them to help rather than asking them to quiet down.

I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
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