TeenHelp - Worried about my boyfriend going to college?

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Worried about my boyfriend going to college?

It's probably too early to be worried about this, but my boyfriend is going to college 4 1/2 hours away in the fall, and I'll only be a junior. We've been together for only 3 1/2 months but I love him to death and I know he loves me. He says he'll try to come back every weekend he can, and he'll always come back for breaks. But as of now he's at the college interviewing for a state office position in this organization he's in. He'll find out if he gets a position either Monday or Tuesday night. If he gets it, he'll be so busy he'll almost never be able to come back and see me because he has to travel a lot and he'll be doing stuff almost every weekend. So I've had this knot in my stomach all weekend. He doesn't really want it either.. but I don't want to tell him I don't want him to get it because it sounds selfish. It'll be good for him...but not for us. And I just have this fear with him being so far away and not being able to see me will make him just eventually forget about me.. I'm afraid he'll find someone else better and leave me. I mean I can't imagine him ever hurting me like that but I'm just scared. And if he gets a state position I know I need to act happy for him but I know I'll just break down.. I'm just scared of the future even though it's quite a ways away..and I'm tired of this terrible knot of my stomach that won't go away because I'll know in a few days if he gets a position or not. I don't know what to do...

Re: Worried about my boyfriend going to college?

Young love is always tough because everyone moves away at some point.
My thinking is, even if he gets this position, I'm sure he will be able to find at least 10 minutes every day to have time to call or Skype you. At least a few times a week. So while he may be a few hours away, it is still very possible for you two to be able to talk a little throughout the week. This is very important because it will help you to stay close even when you cannot physically be with each other. If you don't communicate much at all, then it's likely you'll grow apart while he's away.
You have to both want this to work for it to work out. Long distance relationships are tough, but not impossible.
Once he's settled in at college, you could try and put together a schedule of when you will have time to talk throughout the week. Plan ahead of when you'll call or Skype each other so that you won't end up going too many days without talking.
Lastly, stay focused on how great it will be when he's back home and you can see him. If you both keep that in mind, I'm sure you can make it until the breaks. :)

Re: Worried about my boyfriend going to college?

To be honest it would be hard for him to spend 8-9 hours on the road almost every weekend or every other weekend as a university student at the best of times and then lose all that time studying that he's spending with you instead especially if he takes a bus they always take at least 50% longer. And that's before factoring in a demanding program and/or work or co-ops or what ever else. So yes, your actual physical contact will be limited. You will not likely see each other except during school breaks and maybe on weekends where his work is under control enough that he can bring some of it with him. That's the reality for most university students. When I was in first year I couldn't go home because I was to far away but a lot of my friends or floormates were from an hour or 2 away and they'd go home all the time on weekends. Half the time i think they only went to study somewhere more comfortable since the residence was hidious inside but none the less, unless people are going home for special occasions most of us don't bother because most students have work to do and do it at school. Not to mention that he'll eventually have friends who he'll want to spend time with on the weekends instead of, again, spending 8-9 hours on the road all the time... I'm not trying to be harsh, that's just the blunt reality of it...
So that being said, you don't necessarily have to freak out. Yes, it's scary knowing you love him so much and that he's leaving. Yes, it's scary to think about how hard it'll be to see him. Yes, you guys could grow away from each other. There are all these things that COULD happen because he's going away to school. But i have had other friends where one partner was still in high school and the other went to college and it worked out, so if you guys were meant to be it'll work. You just have to start establishing realistic means to keep communicated, like maybe you guys decide to skype every thursday at 8:00 PM or that you'll talk on the phone every day before you guys go to school etc. You guys could always commit to minimum 2 conversations a week: a skype date and a phone call, set them up at a time that'll work for both, commit to rescheduling if for some reason you won't be able to make the usual time. There are things like that would make long distance a lot easier and les scary.