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Lamia Offline
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Can't do it - May 16th 2014, 03:50 AM

Some of you may know that I'm taking all online courses now. I'm trans, for those of you who don't know, and the administration made it clear they were having none of that shit, so even though I've always said "No, online classes, or at least, all online classes, would be bad for me." that's what I had to do.

And it's taken its toll. It's made me much more nervous and anxious and also prone to anger.

But basically, I have a little less than a month left to complete these classes, or else, I flunk out of school and don't graduate. But it is literally fucking KILLING ME. I'm very fed up and frustrated with it. My therapist tells me to go on medication, but A.) I really don't have the money, B.) I've had bad reactions in the past and C.) I find it ridiculous that I'm supposed to medicate, instead of, I don't know, someone trying to help me find a way out of this shitty situation.

I can't do it, and I KNOW I can't do it. Every single day, it's looming over me, to the point that I really just can't wait for it to be done and for me to fail, but at the same time, I'm dreading it too. It doesn't help that when I DO try and do it, it drains any energy I had out of me and makes me want to, quite literally, kill myself.

I just want a month, or maybe a year But month or several weeks seem more realistic, where time basically stops. No more worrying about how probably shitty and poor my future is going to be, no more feeling stupid for getting bad grades. No more specter of homework and assignments looming over me like some vengeful spirit. Just. A fucking break. And then I can come back and try to pick it up.

But right now, I'm really unsure what to do. I'm just fucking shattered, mentally. I can't keep this up, but I also can't just NOT graduate.

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Moyshi Offline
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Re: Can't do it - May 19th 2014, 03:43 AM

Hey there,

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time right now. Life and school can be extremely overwhelming at times, especially when due dates are coming up. I have a couple of suggestions and hopefully they may help you out a bit.

First, have you talked with your professors of these online courses at all? Either send them an email or ask to meet with them in person at the school so you can explain your situation. Some professors are very understanding and can grant you an extended deadline.

Another suggestion I have for you is to focus on time management. Everything can seem overwhelming in the big picture. Try to break things down into little bits and maybe create a schedule to follow. Make a list of each assignment you have to complete and its due date. On a calendar, write on each day what assignment you can work on and what you want to get done. So you're not only breaking it down into a specific assignment you're going to work on, but also up to what part you'd like to complete (ex. On May 18th, you plan to work on ______ assignment and complete up to Part A. On May 19th, you plan to work on the same assignment but complete up to Part C). If you try to stick to the schedule you've created this can help you feel less overwhelmed by everything and the organization may help you get more on track with things.

And of course, make sure you schedule time for yourself. Try to find something healthy you can do to relax. Self care is probably the most important thing so try to take some time for yourself and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Like you said, your classes are almost done. This feeling of being overwhelmed with school won't last forever. Try to find something that will help motivate you to get through your classes and also reward yourself when you stick to a schedule you've created. Instead of telling yourself that you can't do this, focus your energy on finding a realistic way of how you're going to complete what you need to complete by it's due date and also practice self care.

I know all of this is easier said than done. When I was in school and deadlines were nearing, I found breaking everything down into a schedule definitely helped combat my feelings of being completely overwhelmed. And of course, keep using your support systems, as they're there to help you through the hard times.

Hope this was a little helpful. Good luck with everything!

Take care. :]

A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
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