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Name: Carly Jessica
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Failed my first semester at university - January 5th 2015, 04:18 AM

I failed my very first semester at university. All my classes have a gigantic ďFĒ in the final grade column. This whole failing my first semester at university has way harder on me than I thought or want to admit. It's just that the start of the school year it was about proving everyone wrong. Because for almost my whole life all I heard was "you can't do" it or "itís too hard". It felt like no one believed in me and showing them I could do university by myself with no extra help. Was my way of saying "I told you so"? For my whole life it felt like whenever people found about my problems they treated me different like I was a write off. And when it didn't go that way it just totally blind sided me. It came out of nowhere. I felt like the first semester was my last chance to prove people wrong that I could not only handle university life but ace it too. It feels like everyone thinks itís totally my fault. Not willing to look at other factors that played a role in this. I know I have a lot of fault in this. Simply because I was figuring out that university required a lot more studying then I was doing. Plus I have awful anxiety and learning disability and lately depression which have made past school extremely difficult and changeling. I learned from this and this semester I am going to get as much extra help as I can get. I trying to ignore others but it am hard when they won't listen to what you have to say. I got a very upsetting email from my ENGLISH professor on Tuesday that proves my point.The last semester was pure hell, No friends, Getting bullied, Teachers setting me up for failure, No teacher is going to take my side. My mom is not even taking my side.Told over and over I can't do it or I wasn't good enough. It just can't happen again I can't handle it if it happens again not only will I feel like a failure and a waste of space and energy and oxygen I have now wasted over $2000 and itís tearing me apart. My mom told me I wasted money we didnít have to start with and thatís really hard to here.
This is why this next semester is so much more IMPORTANT. This is my ABSOULTLY my final chance to prove everyone wrong. And finally stop feeling like such a failure and so worthless and like I will never be good enough. This was all suppose to happen last year and look what happened it was I had way to much going on at the start and it ruined the rest of the year. The pressure is soul crushing. Itís just totally killed any confidence I had. With having so much alone time over a long period really got me thinking about how my life is gong so far. The days just seem to fly by and with me already out of time to figure things out and people breathing down my neck and getting mad and frustrated on top of my own feelings. just made it worse. Plus put me in a really bad place mentally and emotionally. I am struggling so much I really donít want to go back on Monday because I am so scared it will be the same. but if I donít then I have to drop out of school and get a job and jobs havenít gone much better. If I drop out I will be the failure of the family. My parents are beyond pissed off. I am feeling like a embarrassment. At night its the worst because of being alone in my dark very quiet room which equals to way to much time inside my own head. And too much of that almost never has a good ending.
Donít really know how to get passed this. I could really use some tips and advice seeing how no one understand. I just can't let that happen again or for the rest of my life I will be treated differently. I JUST DONíT KNOW HOW I WILL BOUNCE BACK. i just reached my breaking point with the whole school thing and want things to change
   
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Re: Failed my first semester at university - January 5th 2015, 05:38 AM

As someone who is waiting to hear about her appeal and is praying to get back into graduate school after being dismissed, I feel your pain. Here's my 2 cents:

1. Take responsibility for your parts of things: This one's been hard for me too, but it has to be your first step, if there is a learning disability then that can factor in, but there were services available to accommodate that; and yes, some teachers may legitimately have it out for you, but did you do your best in their class regardless? Even if they don't like you, if you do what's asked of you, then they have to grade you on your merit. If you're struggling with anxiety or depression see what services are available for that, most universities have free or reduced cost counseling services. Also remember that there were other students in your classes who managed to pass

2. Decide if you're ready to go back: Considering how this semester went, is going back what you want? I know it feels like you don't have a choice, but college isn't for everyone and if it's not for you, that's okay. I know you're in a place where this is hard to see right now, but try to look at realistic alternatives and outcomes if you don't return and formulate a back up plan in case you go back and it doesn't work out.

3. If you're going to go back, what's going to be different? The good thing about taking responsibility is that you have control over what happens to you. If you need and/or qualify for extra help, take it, if you need counseling, see what's available, if this was a time management problem, how will you correct that? And make sure it's realistic because once you're there, you're going to have to follow through.


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