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What I REALLY want to do: house-husband - February 22nd 2016, 11:28 PM

I just realized what I really want to do in life. I basically just want to pay off my loans, get some money saved up, look somewhat prestigious for a potential wife, and be a house-husband. To me, that sounds fantastic. I'd get to work around the house, raise the kids, support my wife, and not answer to an employer. But HOLY SHIT that sounds lame (to most people- double standards). This just sounds like an impossible dream. Who the hell wants to marry someone who wants to be a house-husband? How can they manage to support themselves? I never had a dream job, just a dream school, as well as getting married as my other dream. No dream job, though. Working, and the idea of working, forever until I'm old... ugh. That sounds like hell. Yeah, I get that there is still a ton of work involved with this plan, but at least its rewarding.
Does anyone have a dad who did this? I just want to know how it started, how it went, etc.
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Re: What I REALLY want to do: house-husband - February 23rd 2016, 04:32 AM

Hey! First off, that doesn't sound odd at all, that sounds wonderful. I wish my husband would help out around the house. While my father wasn't a homemaker, my uncle was. My Aunt is a committed doctor and runs an entire hospital, so my uncle stays at home with the children.

I think finding a women who's very driven to start a career and work. Be very honest about your dreams to be a homemaker and to care for the children and the home, and I'm sure she'd be understanding. I'm sorry if this isn't of much help, but I wish you luck on your future endeavors.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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Re: What I REALLY want to do: house-husband - February 23rd 2016, 10:32 AM

My dad did this. He left school at 15, and started working wherever he could. A while after, he became a lab technician and met my mum. They moved in together and both worked in the same place. When they had me, my dad was 48. My dad took early retirement to look after me (and later on my brothers) whilst my mum worked. My dad had a post round job at one point, but that lasted for 6 weeks. Anyway, whilst my mum was in work, my dad would look after us, do the shopping, household work (both the general cleaning as well as redecorating) and make dinner. This still happened when we were at school age, since he would take us to school and pick us back up. As for finances, my dad was in charge of the household accounts. He used to earn more money than my mum and would give her some money like an allowance. My mum hated that and her main drive for work was that she could have her independence and her own pay. So when my dad stayed at home, he would get his pension and my mum would get her wages.

I'm conflicted about this. On the one hand, I really do understand. Sometimes I feel that way and would love to have children and just spend all my time with them, being a stay at home mum. More so if you can home school your children (but that's a separate issue). At the same time though, I've heard it's bad to make your life revolve around your children. You need your own interests and social life and that can be hard if you're constantly with your children. Also, what will happen when the children are all grown up and moved out? It may be hard to think about working when you've had 18 or so years of being a full time house husband.

Interesting idea though!

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Re: What I REALLY want to do: house-husband - February 23rd 2016, 11:21 AM

Honestly, it is your life and your dream but I have a little different perspective if it is okay to share.

I guess you can say I want to be a stay at home mom but in the broad sense, which means I may end up working. My parents were the typical family back in the day, mom stays at home, dad goes to work. That sounded all nice and dandy but in the end mom got sick and dad was left not knowing what to do. He only knew how to work. Now he had 4 kids and no support.

I know my uncle used to work but is now on disability. His wife is a nurse. He raised the kids mostly but the mother was there at times. I just think it is not a sustainable thing for such stark roles. The kids will end of gravitating towards one parent over the other simply because they're around said parent most often and barely knows the other one (kids may gravitate towards one anyway but wouldn't both parents want to be involved in raising kids?). Maybe both you and partner can work part time each. Work opposite hours with some shared time too, or some how have a different configuration. That way you both have flexibility of sorts. I know some families do this and even manage to homeschool as well.

For about 16 years now, my father had been a freelancer consultant which is self employed. He works from home at the computer as well as sometimes going to the city, depending on the work. That's an option too, to not only be a stay at home father but to work from home so you bring income like that. Othwrwise he is a stay at home dad. Maybe that's something you can look into.

The other thing is, if you decide to stay with kids all day, there's nothing wrong with that but as mentioned above self care is important and so you'd want to have a support system so that if you need to go out with some of the kids or by yourself that you have friends, family, neighbors, babysitters etc it isn't impossible to do, homemaking has been a thing, stay at home dad has been done but watch out for setbacks and see how to overcome them.
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Re: What I REALLY want to do: house-husband - February 23rd 2016, 05:17 PM

It's not that uncommon for people to want to stay at home with the kids. It is increasingly common for men to do this. There is nothing wrong with that. That said, in the in-between years (e.g. after graduating and before marrying and then having kids), you might want to be prepared to have a job of some kind. I'll use myself as an example just because I know that, personally, if my boyfriend decided that I had to go to work while he stayed home all day by himself, that wouldn't be ok because we need the extra money at this point. Neither of us have enough experience or whatever to get the kind of jobs that would allow us to be a one-wage household and still like the kind of lifestyle we want (e.g. owning a home, each having a car, having kids, paying for a wedding, travelling etc.). Maybe in a few years, like by the time that we have kids, I'd have a better job and be making making enough for that to be possible, but I find that when couples don't have kids, typically both of them work because the socioeconomic ways of most countries don't really allow for one-wage households. That said, I know tons of people who stayed home with their kids. I have one friend did so because the only jobs she could find weren't high paying and by the time she put her kid in day care (which is expensive) and made car payments, rent payments, etc she wouldn't even be breaking even, so her and her husband save more by having her stay home with her kid, so she decided to hold out until she could get a better paying job.

So yeah, all in all, it's totally ok to plan to stay home and raise the kids and all that, but as long as it's realistic

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