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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Not_here Offline
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Unhappy All the what if's running through my mind - May 10th 2016, 03:38 PM

What if I don't pass all my classes this semester?
What if I spend hours upon hours getting this pile of schoolwork done only to find out that something went wrong.
What if I don't graduate?
What if I have to repeat a semester
What if I graduate but don't amount to anything and can't hold a job?
What if the staff at the volunteer placement writes a bad evaluation for my class and my professor reads it and keeps it on file like that, just perfect for grad school.
What if I am stuck living here for the rest of my life.
What if I have to repeat the semester and then next semester I fail again?
What if I just keep spiraling with my depression and SH and everything else and the last few ounces of my mental health just goes down the drain.
What if I do graduate but I get really really miserable, like even more than now.
What if I get some kind of emptyness without school that makes me more depressed?
What if I am really just a disgusting loser and school is like the only place I thrive in- and even there Idon't truly thrive per se. More like survive the bare minimum. It's stressful but it's like what I'm "good" at. And I'm not even really all that good at school. Argh.
What if I'm not ready for the workplace. What if the employers hate me and cant stand me. What if I mess up?
and many more what if's

What if I dont end up writing these papers that i have to complete really really soon!
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Re: All the what if's running through my mind - May 11th 2016, 01:39 PM

Thatís a lot of Ďwhat ifísí

I noticed a lot, if not all, of those what ifís are actually related to failure. Firstly, thinking in Ďwhat ifísí may just be fuelling your anxiety surrounding the situation of passing/failing school. Obviously itís understandable that during this busy time with exams, you are going to be wondering about what happens next, what if you donít make the grade etc., so I understand why you are feeling this way. But at the same time, itís ok if things donít go to plan either.

If, for whatever reason, you donít pass your classes, even after all the hard work you have put in, or donít graduate, as you said, you can repeat the semester. Though it would be very disheartening to have put so much effort in, only to find that your fears are confirmed, it still gives you a good second chance. And if you fail that semester, Iím sure you will be able to work something out with your professors.

As for graduating and getting a job, Iíve heard that it can be tough for graduates to get a job, and if that is the case for you, then you can be assured itís not personal. And Iím sure the volunteer placement wonít give you a bad evaluationÖif things have being going ok there, then they canít really say anything bad. Graduating and not getting a job, can make you feel miserable. I felt that way not long after I graduated. I would wake up at night feeling so anxious that everyone else was moving on with their lives- moving out, doing post grad, getting a job, and I didnít feel like I was in a place to do that. I was scared of getting left behind, and I felt bad for not doing those things. Even if that ends up being the case for you, there are always other options like volunteering or doing work that might be a little different to what you originally wanted to do. That will help to keep you going while you figure out the next steps. And also, thereís no rush to do these things. I know there is a lot of pressure to graduate and either get a job or continue to study immediately after, but if that doesnít go to plan, thereís no shame in it either. Itís also understandable that at the same time you may feel emptiness without school. It is different when you spend most of your life at school, only to leave and think Ďnow what?í Keeping in touch with friends, or finding other classes in your community, even if they are hobby related, can also help to fill that void. Your last Ďwhat ifísí I can really resonate with, by the way. I felt like I was only good at school, like I can churn out essays until my heartís content, but what about real life and work? Itís natural to feel stressed and scared about getting a job and working- itís different to what you are used to. But it doesnít mean you are a loser or that it wonít work out for you.

You wonít be stuck living there for the rest of your life. It may feel like that at the moment, when things are full of uncertainty, but itís highly unlikely that it will be the case for you. Depression and SH can definitely make things feel worse, and itís understandable you would be worried about spiralling out of control. Are there things you could do to try to prevent that? Even if itís just noticing when you start to feel yourself losing control, and being able to talk to someone, that can help. And if it affects your school work, you may be able to ask for extensions and such.

Lastly, these are all Ďwhat ifísí- a cycle of negative thinking patterns. The reality could be quite different. Iím always around if you want to talk

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Feel free to PM me! Even if I canít help, Iím always going to listen <3

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Re: All the what if's running through my mind - May 11th 2016, 01:50 PM

First up, deep breath. everything is going to be fine. Next, start prioritising. whats most urgent.
I'm sure you can manage.
Next, like Dutch wolf said, the what if's seem negative. Lets make them positive.
Think like:
What if I get an A in all my classes?
What if I graduate with distinction?
You'll be great!
PM me if you need to talk.
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