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TheEdenProject Offline
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i don't know what to do? - October 28th 2017, 06:06 PM

so i've been working in an apprenticeship as electrical engineer since about 2 months now and now i begin to feel unhappy. i searched for an apprenticeship for over a year and i was so depressed to not have a job, but the only reason i took this opportunity was because i was so hyped to finally have something i work with, to work on, to learn from. i guess my mania got a bit to me, but now i am just very unhappy and while right now i feel the most lost and unmotivated and tired than i've ever felt, i feel like the apprenticeship might not be what i wanted but that it was only just a decision made by my mania.

i've always wanted to be my own boss. to make my own decisions and not be someone to be pushed around.. because i know a lot more about things than i look like. i want to go my own way.

i just don't know what to do about my apprenticeship. i am kind of like.. just want to run away and live my own life, even if i have to be homeless for a bit (i know it's not funny... especially not since it's becoming cold right now), i don't want to do this anymore. i just don't know what to do, my apprenticeship right now seems too overwhelming and like maybe not like something i want to do later.

i kind of feel like i need a time-out from everything. i feel like a 16-year-old cliche american teenager to be honest.

all i wanna say is that.. job-wise, right now, i want to do something that i enjoy and think about and that i look forward to. right now everytime i have to set one step into that company, i work at right now, i feel horrible... i feel lucky for those still in school because i would love to be there right now instead of having to feel so agonized (ofcourse those in college have it harder as well, but i'm just saying, staying in school for a few hours, learning, going home, doing homework and then going off to do whatever you wanna do sounds nice; i've missed that part of my life because i was too anxious to go out and do things).

everyone is pressuring me into getting a job and that only then i can succeed in life. instead of doing my own thing and earn my money how i want, i have to have a job and i don't want that, i never wanted that, but i just don't know what to do. it's not like i don't like working, i have a lot of fun working and being useful but not the usual way. i like to work the way i do. i like to work how i like to work and not under someone's hand. i want to get away from my mum and life with someone else who understands what i'm trying to do and say. i don't want to live with my mum anymore who's got the intention that you HAVE to have a job in order to be successful and happy in life.

i just don't want to do anything right now...

sorry for the long post and the many posts i make... i'm just really desperate for advice and support right now and i guess i am just one step from getting hospitalized due to the psychological issues and drug abuse withdrawal. i feel like how i feel like now and how my mental health is right now, i am definitely not able to work right now.

"We drift away
Diffusing light
Confusing times
Growing up
Or cascading down?
Cascading down
I'm hurting now"

- EDEN // crash

feel free to PM or VM me if you need someone to talk to, i always have a listening ear and i never judge anyone.

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Re: i don't know what to do? - October 29th 2017, 11:21 PM


There are a lot of ways that a person can be successful. There are plenty of people who do not measure their success by what type of job they have or how much they make. However, in order to 'suurvive' and live decently there is a need to have an income. I know, you said that you don't care if you end up homeless and I find that concerning and given other things you have talked about, I am wondering if, this particular feeling might be fueled by the fact that you are struggling so much. I know, in my absolute worse, there were times when I was like "Meh, if I end up homeless it doesn't matter'.

Being homeless is a very hard life. The shelters usually aren't that safe and there are a number of people who prefer to stay out on the streets instead of staying in the shelters because of that. Also, the good shelters, tend to get full quickly. Being on the streets are dangerous.

If you are in an abusive situation at your current home, then getting out is important. However, I don't know that that is an issue for you? I understand the desire to move out of your house but, I encourage you to do so in a way where you would actually have a safe place to stay. If that means staying with friend's than so be it.

If you are not enjoying where you are, currently, then I do encourage you to find somewhere else to work. But, if you do not have the ability to quit without losing your home then I would suggest that you look for a different place to get in at while trying to stay with your current place.

I also want to say that, it might be possible for you to be your own boss, one day but it is likely that you will have to start out working for others. My boyfriend is going into IT and he has two goals 1) to try and work up to some kind of management in IT or 2) To try and start his own IT consulting business so that he can make his own hours and not have to really answer to others. However, in order to accomplish either of these things he has to start out working under someone.

Something else you could do is try and figure out what you are passionate about. It took my boyfriend a while to pick a goal because he is passionate about a lot of different things but, for him, IT has proved to be the one thing that keeps his interest. If you can find things that you are passionate about you can make a list of potential jobs or internships you are interested and then try and decide what you would need to do to get into that field.

Best regards.

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