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Fanatic Offline
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I feel like a failure... - March 16th 2018, 02:07 PM

I guess it was horrible idea for me to do this but counted up all of my points for the remaining semester and it looks like I'll barely pass but I still have a chance of having retake two classes. Why is it stressful? Well because I might have come back next semester when I'm supposed to be done with college in a month...I'm still going to walk at graduation but I won't be done until December which seems so far away and I wish it was during the summer so i could be done by August..but I can't do that I also have to worry about financial aid on whether I can even still do it or those classes will come out of pocket for me...I'm so depressed because of this inconvenience and it hurts so bad because I've never failed a class in my life...I feel like such a failure and it makes me want to die because my depression got so bad and caused me to possibly fail my last semester of college...I don't know how to break it to my mom but shes going to be so disappointed in me for letting myself fail like this and itll be hard on her that she'll have to help pay for the failed classes... and I cant possibly tell anyone else about this other than my mom..more like I don't want to because itll make me even more depressed if they know...

"I'm not a piece of cake for you to just discard
While you walk away with the frosting of my heart
So I'm taking back what's mine, you'll miss
The slice of heaven that I gave to you last night
." - "Cake" by Melanie Martinez

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Honeybadger40 Offline
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Re: I feel like a failure... - March 16th 2018, 03:30 PM

First of all, don't be ashamed. Nobody succeeds at everything the first time they do it. The fact that you've never failed a class before is pretty impressive. You should also be really proud of yourself for continuing with your classes despite suffering with depression. The fact that you haven't given in despite everything you're going through right now is something you definitely deserve to be patting yourself on the back for.

I understand your frustration that you have to take some classes again and finish later than expected but all isn't lost. You can still finish this. It might take a little longer than expected but ultimately you're still going to finish it and have a great qualification at the end. It might be annoying that you'll be six months behind on your plans because of it, but in reality, six months is nothing at all. It feels like a lot of time right now, but in a few years time that six months really won't be the end of the world.

In terms of your concerns about financing your education because of this, does your school have any hard ship funds or offer any bursaries for students that are having difficulty paying for their education or anything like that? Do you have any savings or any family members you could turn to for help? Perhaps you could organise to loan some money from a family member and pay it back when you start working if that's possible and you didn't feel comfortable simply taking money as a gift. Just make sure to discuss it fully, make agreements and draw up a contract if you decide to do that.

In terms of your mom, I understand you want her approval, but so what if she's disappointed. It's your life and your education and the main thing is that you're proud of what you're doing and achieving. Just tell her that you're doing your very best and that you can't do any more that.

Keep going and message me if you need anything.

Good luck
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