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Can you hear the silence?
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Would someone be able to help and tell me if this makes sense - June 11th 2018, 10:42 PM

Hi everyone I have dyslexia and I would like to know if this paragraph i have wrote make sense. I am concerned about these , I don't really understand what they do I was hoping you guys could see if I have used them correctly!

I am an experienced retail professional. I have a passion for providing a very high level of service and building positive relationships with customers. I like to work in a fast paced environment target driven and enjoy new challenges. I have experience in store setup, visual merchandising, Working as part of a team and team building exercises, working towards targets and KPI. I am someone who has a drive to progress and work my way up and learn new things everyday. I am driven by customer focus I want to do my best for the customer and business.


Thank you!

Last edited by Fading Light.; June 12th 2018 at 09:36 AM. Reason: Moving to a more appropriate forum.
   
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Re: Would someone be able to help and tell me if this makes sense - June 12th 2018, 01:31 AM

*I like to work in a target-driven, fast-paced environment and enjoy new challenges.
*working as part of a team and in team building exercises,
*I am someone who has a drive to progress, work my way up, and learn new things everyday.
*I am driven by customer focus, and I want to do my best for both customer and business.

That's all that I could see, but they're all small grammatical errors. Also, I'm not completely certain about the dashes in the target-driven and fast-paced parts, so if someone else could check me on that....?

Otherwise it looks like you did a good job. hope you get the job.
   
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Re: Would someone be able to help and tell me if this makes sense - June 12th 2018, 09:44 AM

Hi Thank you I would love more opinions too can someone who's good with spelling and stuff please help me out I would highly appreciate it! thank you for responding!
   
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Re: Would someone be able to help and tell me if this makes sense - June 12th 2018, 07:32 PM

I agree with Jo's corrections, and think that the dashes are fine

Adding on to that, how would you feel about slightly rephrasing this sentence: "I have experience in store setup, visual merchandising, Working as part of a team and team building exercises, working towards targets and KPI."

It seems a bit long and list like so maybe split it up a bit? For example : I have experience of working in a team, and have done team building exercises. I have worked towards targets and KPI. I also have experience in store setup as well as visual merchandising.

Other than that, it looks fine


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Re: Would someone be able to help and tell me if this makes sense - June 13th 2018, 02:15 AM

I am not sure how to help with English lol, it sounds fine for me.

But I just want to wish you best of luck in getting the job!


Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

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Re: Would someone be able to help and tell me if this makes sense - June 25th 2018, 02:18 PM

Holly How do I put that all together what you said it's not for a job it's for linkin you know the professional job website for professional people. I really need it to make sense in case someone contacts me regarding job offers. Thank you!
   
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Re: Would someone be able to help and tell me if this makes sense - June 26th 2018, 01:01 PM

If it's for LinkedIn then you can phrase it however you want. You can make it longer and add examples of what you did/your responsibilities, or just keep it in short sentences as you have done or even bullet point it if you want.

It makes sense to me


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