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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
pinkhole Offline
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I'm a failure - January 25th 2009, 09:50 AM

School used to be so easy for me. I would get my studying done and make good grades. Once I got to college, everything changed. First semester went good. Then the second and third, I started having problems.

In high school, I took a few college classes. Around test time/finals I would get really stressed. I'm not the best to be around when I'm that stressed. It's best to just leave me alone. At the time I was taking 2 classes. My mom told me if I couldn't handle 2 college classes with high school classes there was no way I'd make it in college. Since my first semester she has been telling me if I mess things up in school I will have to pay back loans myself.

This makes me feel like I can't do it. I feel so bad about it that I just don't care anymore. I don't study as much as I should. I don't try as hard. I tell myself I'm stupid and I won't remember things. The last two semesters, I have gotten a D in a class. That's not like me. I'm not used to making anything below a B.

My twin sister spends much of her day studying. People tell me I need to be just like her. My mom says my younger sister is smarter than I am because she doesn't have to study for tests to get an A. Yeah, when I was in high school I didn't either.

This semester I thought I'm going to prove her wrong. I started out keeping up with reading/homework. But now I'm getting back into the same pattern.. not caring. I want to do good, but it just seems impossible for me. I can't concentrate on anything. I don't know how to make myself feel good about school and that I can actually do it. I feel so stupid.
   
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Re: I'm a failure - January 25th 2009, 10:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkhole View Post
School used to be so easy for me. I would get my studying done and make good grades. Once I got to college, everything changed. First semester went good. Then the second and third, I started having problems.

In high school, I took a few college classes. Around test time/finals I would get really stressed. I'm not the best to be around when I'm that stressed. It's best to just leave me alone. At the time I was taking 2 classes. My mom told me if I couldn't handle 2 college classes with high school classes there was no way I'd make it in college. Since my first semester she has been telling me if I mess things up in school I will have to pay back loans myself.

This makes me feel like I can't do it. I feel so bad about it that I just don't care anymore. I don't study as much as I should. I don't try as hard. I tell myself I'm stupid and I won't remember things. The last two semesters, I have gotten a D in a class. That's not like me. I'm not used to making anything below a B.

My twin sister spends much of her day studying. People tell me I need to be just like her. My mom says my younger sister is smarter than I am because she doesn't have to study for tests to get an A. Yeah, when I was in high school I didn't either.

This semester I thought I'm going to prove her wrong. I started out keeping up with reading/homework. But now I'm getting back into the same pattern.. not caring. I want to do good, but it just seems impossible for me. I can't concentrate on anything. I don't know how to make myself feel good about school and that I can actually do it. I feel so stupid.
My college professor told me the other day of a study that was done with teachers. They had a class, which was tested, and the tests were graded by another person. What the teachers did not know is that they were given back fake results- if a teacher got tests that told that her class was above par, and was intelligent and hard working, she would then raise the bar in her classroom, and the formerly under-par, and not hardworking students would become what she thought they were in the first place. And, vice versa.

The moral of this story I am telling you is (while I am a bad student and don't take my own advice) to be good you must believe you are good.

I understand where you are coming from with the not caring, and not studying. I don't do it, either. Infact, I should be studying right now, but I am not. It is difficult when there are seemingly other things to do.

But it comes down to this- ignore your mother. You are intelligent, and you have the capabilities to do this. You mother is obviously putting you down, and you need to tell her that she is only making your situation worse. Tell her you need support. It's like having a plant, but giving it no water or sunlight, the plant is sure to whither.

I'd suggest contacting people in your classes, and seeing if you can start a study group. If you're surrounded by people who's goal is to study, then you are more likely to work- and get help in things you don't understand. You can all take turns in reading certain parts, and then discussing what you have learned. Believe me, it would be good for you. If a study circle is not available, address your concerns with your professors and get their advice on the situation. I'm sure your university have a lot of different ways to get all of this squared away, you may have to do some digging, but they are there.

And lastly, don't feel bad if you need help getting on tract. Study circles should be implimented in all school, in my opinion, because as a group understanding is easier. You must tell yourself every single day that you are intelligent, and you can do this. There is nothing wrong with you, you prooved it in high school, and you can do it now. You are smart, never think that you aren't. The materials are just different now.

Good luck!
   
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Re: I'm a failure - January 25th 2009, 10:22 AM

Ignore your mom for now, she probably assumes college is not too different from high school which is completely wrong. Comparing you to your sister is wrong as it is - you two are different but it does not mean you're not your own person.

It sounds like you have a problem with self-esteem, does this occur outside of college? Like not feeling good enough to do something. I know it's hard but you have to believe you can excel and whatever you turn your hand to.

You could try setting yourself a definite timetable, ie: setting aside a few hours for work and some for play and sleep, detailing objectives for each study period is good too
   
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Re: I'm a failure - January 25th 2009, 10:25 AM

I have a major problem with self esteem. It just keeps getting worse.
I have tried making study schedules, but I find it hard to stick to them. I will start out ok, but then I just feel like why bother..
   
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Re: I'm a failure - January 25th 2009, 10:27 AM

Have you seen someone about your self esteem? Your college is bound to have counselling, just email them or ask at the student onion if you do not know. (I emailed my personal tutor when I needed help and was referred to counselling). Apathy is also a problem when it comes to getting work done, you could always try setting up a rewards system for yourself (If I complete this part of the essay by 9 then I will eat that chocolate bar for example).

It'd also be best if you made a topic about a low self esteem in Mental Health (Clicky) as you'll get better advice there :]


   
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