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Nutty Nat Offline
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Unhappy maybe triggering but please help - December 1st 2009, 11:27 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

well im at college in the uk and im 17 but im just worried because i need to report something but not sure what will happen,well basically this lad at my college but on a different course keeps hugging me but like touching me inappropriately which is bringing up memories,he hugs everyone and either feels there bum or somewhere else but if i ask him to get off he wil be like your self defence isn't working is it.well i don't know what to do ive had a word with my friends about it and there just like he does it with everyone.


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Re: maybe triggering but please help - December 1st 2009, 01:05 PM

Maybe you can change the way you give him hugs. Try giving him side hugs instead. If he says anything about why just say you don't feel comfortable with regular hugs. If he's doing this with everyone then someone needs to tell him to stop or campus security needs to be alerted to the situation. It's your body, don't let someone else use it for their own greed.


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Re: maybe triggering but please help - December 1st 2009, 01:12 PM

It's very possible he really does just do it with everyone, so he may not be aware that it's going to make some people uncomfortable.

If you can get him off to the side, just ask him to not hug you, that there have been some issues and it just makes you uncomfortable. Just make sure he doesn't feel like you want him avoiding you completely.
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Re: maybe triggering but please help - December 2nd 2009, 12:02 PM

Hey Natalie.

I agree with Steph. This guy probably doesn't realize how extremely uncomfortable he is going to make some people by doing this. But that doesn't mean he has any right to do this, and you certainly don't have to put up with it.

Next time he goes to hug you, just say tell him politely that you don't like anyone hugging you and you'd really appreciate it if he didn't, because it makes you feel very uncomfortable. Keep telling him not to until he listens to you. He sounds like a nice guy so hopefully he'll understand!

Good luck, Natalie. I hope it works out all right for you.
   
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Re: maybe triggering but please help - December 2nd 2009, 02:55 PM

hey nutty

just tell him u dont like it and ask him to stop touching u like that and if he doesnt then tell him u dont want him to hug u anymore.
   
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Re: maybe triggering but please help - December 2nd 2009, 09:16 PM

Hey there Natalie,

Like the others have said he may not realize that its affecting you the way that it is.

I have a problem with being touched I cant stand it especially to be hugged unless im like close friends with them. Almost everybody around me knows that know and leaves me alone but the people who dont if the try to hug me I just move and say I dont like hugs. Then they stop if they dont I tell them not to hug me it makes me feel uncomfortable in a nice voice and if they still dont do it I sa it in a firm voice and they back off.

If you have no problem with hugs you could try the side hug thing that was suggested. He just seems like a nice friendly guy and prolly dosent mean anything like that.


Goodluck


   
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Re: maybe triggering but please help - December 3rd 2009, 05:26 PM

well i had a word with him well my friend did and shes explained ive had issues in past that are related to what he is doing and he has stopped but il tell on monday if it has stopped


Love you Naomi R.I.P i miss you loads but i will never forget you
08/11/92 - 10/11/92

R.I.P Gill - I love you as a second mum,will never forget you and all your advice,oh and i will keep smiling like you wanted see
Going to try continue helping people like you wanted and you did,hope i'm making you proud
   
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Nutty Nat Offline
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Re: maybe triggering but please help - December 8th 2009, 10:52 AM

hes started again


Love you Naomi R.I.P i miss you loads but i will never forget you
08/11/92 - 10/11/92

R.I.P Gill - I love you as a second mum,will never forget you and all your advice,oh and i will keep smiling like you wanted see
Going to try continue helping people like you wanted and you did,hope i'm making you proud
   
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Re: maybe triggering but please help - December 8th 2009, 01:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by nutty View Post
hes started again
Aw no, I'm sorry to hear that.
Perhaps the next time he does it, just push him away and say ''I said don't do this anymore''.
At this point, I personally wouldn't even be bothered being all lovely and polite about it, since he's already been told once. Just be firm with him, and hopefully he'll get the point the second time around.
   
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