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View Poll Results: What should I do?
Go to Virginia and try to make things work. 2 66.67%
Go to Texas and get a fresh start. 1 33.33%
Voters: 3. You may not vote on this poll

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Solitaire Offline
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My heart is torn; I don't know what to do. =[ - December 23rd 2009, 04:12 AM


Okay so here is the deal-yio.

I graduated from high school earlier this year (class of '09, whoot!) And of course, the whole big college decision was to be made.

I was living with my mother, and she had decided she was moving out of state during the summer after my graduation.

So basically, she left me with two choices.

I stay where I was at and go to college (Virginia).
OR
I go with her (to Texas).

And at the time, I was dealing with a horrible relationship, and with dealing with all the nasty aftermath, I decided that I was going to leave and go to Texas.

I was really happy about my decision. I was looking forward to it.

I applied to a college with nothing much known about the school other than it was in the vicinity of my parents (my parents are divorced and my dad already had lived in Texas for a couple of years).

But then I got scared.

I thought, "Am I sure?"

So I applied to a school in Virginia.

Once again all I knew from the school was online research, but I liked it from what read and saw.

In the end, I decided to stay in Virginia.

This situation would mean I was basically relying on friends and my boyfriend.

I knew what I was getting myself into, but I thought:

1. I want to get away from my parents -and-
2. Prove to them I can go to school and be on my own and handle it -and-
3. Prove it to me myself I can handle it.

I thought it would be good for me to teach myself how to do this and not go running to my mother for help every day.

See I've suffered from depression on and off since I was 13, so I thought it would "toughen me up".

So I come late August, I get situated into school, and my mom leaves.

It's pretty much dark after that.

I relapsed into depression and got suicidal thoughts.

I didn't make friends, and my did poorly on my academics. (I will probably be put on academic probation for not meeting the 2.00 gpa minimum)

I hated being there.

I wanted to leave.

I felt trapped.

But I didn't have anywhere to go.

I thought a smaller school might be for me, but I realize how small the campus is, and I'm not sure if I'm into that anymore.

Basically, I was so happy to finally be able to go to Texas for winter break, and be away from my college environment.

And I'm enjoying myself, and I really like Texas.

I like the hot weather.

I like how there is much more to do here.

And I honestly like being close to my mom.

Secretly, I've been looking up colleges in the area, wondering if I could see myself happier there than my current college.

I mean, my first semester went badly due to my depression flaring up, and not having much support, other than my boyfriend and the counselor I was seeing on campus.

My heart is torn and I don't know what to do.

On one account there is my pride.
I said so much stuff about how I was able to handle going to college on my own and being away from my mom.
I said I could do it.

Possibly, there could a chance for things to get better at the college I am currently attending.

But I don't know, I didn't do a lot of college research.
Maybe I could have picked the wrong college for me.
It's supposed to be a place you want to spend the next four years right?
Well I'm not sure if this college is it.

Plus another thing (I know I may be criticized for this), but I have a very awesome loving boyfriend, and it'd be hard to leave him. Honestly, I don't want to, but we both said before we can't do long distance relationships. If I were to leave, I would have to break up with him.


So here I am, sitting in Texas, and instead of being able to FULLY enjoy my time here, I keep thinking about how each day is closer to me having to go BACK. Is that a sign?

Any advice would be helpful about what I should do.
One possible solution I've thought of is going back for the spring semester at the college in Virginia, and basically seeing how things turn out by the end and make a decision.
   
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Re: My heart is torn; I don't know what to do. =[ - December 23rd 2009, 04:51 AM

I like your last thought. It'd give you a change to even out your GPA (better fro transfer anyway) and weigh your options. It could get better.

But in case you decide to go to college in texas, maybe take advantage of your time in the area and visit around? You can be near your mother but on a different campus, you know?


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Re: My heart is torn; I don't know what to do. =[ - December 23rd 2009, 05:37 PM

My advice to you would be to first help yourself, you need to get some support for your depression, and address it before you can move on with your life and reach your true potential. I hesitated in getting help and it was negatively reflected in my exam grades, making it a useless year of my school education. I suggest you get yourself some support from a professional, start with the school counselor, they will be able to determine if you need to seek further help, which I would recommend anyway from my experience - it's well worth it.

As for your school decisions, make the decision that will be better for you in the long term, yes you have a great boyfriend, but there are times when you have to face a big decision, and as relationships aren't set in stone, you need to look at them differently. That is, to ignore your feelings and be more objective about it, I know that isn't easy, but it will help you in the long run.
You seem to be somewhat settled in Virginia, so in a way I think your mind is already made up, if you're comfortable with where you are, why move?


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and wiser, that in itself, is worth the fight.

The best way to predict the future is to create it - Peter F. Drucker

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Nelson Mandela


   
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Re: My heart is torn; I don't know what to do. =[ - December 23rd 2009, 06:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CompassionateSoul View Post
My advice to you would be to first help yourself, you need to get some support for your depression, and address it before you can move on with your life and reach your true potential. I hesitated in getting help and it was negatively reflected in my exam grades, making it a useless year of my school education. I suggest you get yourself some support from a professional, start with the school counselor, they will be able to determine if you need to seek further help, which I would recommend anyway from my experience - it's well worth it.

As for your school decisions, make the decision that will be better for you in the long term, yes you have a great boyfriend, but there are times when you have to face a big decision, and as relationships aren't set in stone, you need to look at them differently. That is, to ignore your feelings and be more objective about it, I know that isn't easy, but it will help you in the long run.
You seem to be somewhat settled in Virginia, so in a way I think your mind is already made up, if you're comfortable with where you are, why move?
I got myself on anti-depressants, and I seeing a counselor on campus during most of the semester. I've been off and on depression for six years, I go through the same routine.

I'm not really settled in Virginia. I don't have a home there. I live on campus. I have no where else to go.
   
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Re: My heart is torn; I don't know what to do. =[ - December 23rd 2009, 07:38 PM

Also class of 09

But yeah just do what you feel is best for you. As said before help yourself. If the meds are going okay and your on anti-depressants then that's a good start
Just take in all your options. Don't get too stressed.

Good luck




   
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Re: My heart is torn; I don't know what to do. =[ - December 23rd 2009, 08:46 PM

You have to first do what's best for you. It's a really difficult decision to make. If you don't like the weather in Vermont, or the campus, and have nothing that really ties you down there, then my advice would be to 100% move to Texas. But with your boyfriend and your poor academics, what I would recommend you do is finish out the year and work constantly to get your grades up so that if you did decide to leave, you would have more options of what schools would accept you. As for your boyfriend, you have to decide yourself if your relationship is really going to be long-term. I'm really sorry that you have to go through so much. Never give up on yourself.



   
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