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Chaos Theory Offline
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Am I a failure, ultimately? - March 8th 2010, 10:05 AM

I came here to U.S. from Hong Kong at the beginning of 8th grade, having one purpose in my mind- to get into a top college, receive an elite education, and prosper with a high-paying career. I abandoned everything, my friends, my culture, and my home, to take this gambit. That, in some sense, is the American dream.

I worked tirelessly over these years, learning a new language and adjusting to a whole new world. I was immediately aware of the cruel college admit process and I tried to prepare myself as best as I can. I took summer classes every summer in high school to make myself more appealing. I took the standardized test and tried for as high as possible (31 ACT). I also took so many APs to the point of strangulating. And I did reasonable amount of extracurricular (leadership involved, drama club, and such).

I applied to 13 schools to maximize my chance of succeeding.

In the end, I only was accepted to 2. I was waitlisted to Carnegie Mellon, Northwestern, Tufts, NYU, and RPI. I was so close, but yet so far.

And now, here I am, in this god-forsaken party school at UMass. Sitting at my desk, always wandering what if I have worked harder? Would I be in a different dorm at my dream school? The people here only cares about getting drunk, getting laid, and getting high. I hate these people. I don't belong here. Why am I stuck here? My inability has brought me at this pathetic state.

Am I a failure? Have all these years all come to waste?

Yeah, it is kind of long, but whatever. I ask myself this question every day.


To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To give of one's self; To leave the world a bit better...; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - This is to have succeeded. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Re: Am I a failure, ultimately? - March 9th 2010, 09:33 AM

No Marco, you aren't a failure. Not at all. It sounds like you have worked so hard and you don't deserve this. As you said, the application process is cruel. Sometimes people are instantly overlooked if there are too many applicants - some aren't even considered. I think this is really unfair and unjust, especially to people like you who work so hard for a place.

They have only come to waste if you let them come to waste. If you keep working hard and suceeding like you have done, they won't have come to waste. You are still capable of getting your dream job - keep that in mind. Work towards that goal yea?

Is there any chance you could transfer to a different place if you hate it so much? Although, in most places you will find people like that. I found that at my current sixth form and I wasn't really expecting it. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. Just try to keep focusing on your work and your lifestyle, don't worry about there's. You have worked so hard to get there, keep going.

Here for you,
Take care.
Anna
   
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Chaos Theory Offline
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Re: Am I a failure, ultimately? - March 10th 2010, 06:49 AM

I really think I deserve a place in my dream school, because I have really given everything I could offer into it. But I still couldn't get in. The only way to make me feel better is someone to answer me this question: Why? Why am I rejected? Why do I have to be stuck in UMass with drunkards and potheads?

I have failed. I am not doing great at all comparing to other people, like my cousin who got into Tufts and doing awesome there. My failure keeps haunting me ever since I was rejected.

I really hate it, and I have really consider transferring one day. But what is the likelihood I will be accepted to my dream school anymore? I will just quite frankly get waitlisted again and that will be the end of my pursuit. I fully expect there will be drunkards and potheads in even places like Harvard or MIT. But at least 95% of the population will probably not be drunkards and potheads, unlike in UMass.


To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To give of one's self; To leave the world a bit better...; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - This is to have succeeded. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

http://www.formspring.me/ToucheTurtle <-- Ask me a question
   
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survivor. :)
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Re: Am I a failure, ultimately? - March 10th 2010, 02:13 PM

The only reason is because the world isn't fair... But there isn't anything we can really do about that. You need to pick yourself up again, reapply if you can. Try not to compare yourself to others - it only causes more harm than good, regardless of what you are comparing. You will always end up feeling worse about your own situation. Keep going and you can still achieve.

Take care.
Anna
   
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