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Education and Careers Work of any kind can get stressful at times. Ask in this forum if you need help with coursework, applications, and more.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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stressed girl makes me stressed - October 6th 2010, 05:45 PM

Its the tiny little things that annoy me. The big things can just say I don't care, but the small things I will go nuts about.

My friend Suzanne came into the lecture hall last week or the week before, announced to the group of us 'Guys, I'm feeling really sad today' and burst into tears. Its final year and we're all under a lot of pressure with deadlines and trying to keep high grades. Suzanne has been complaining about not being able to meet deadlines, even though she does, and not having time to study on the weekends because she's working.

I walked Suzanne to the bus stop that time so I could talk to her and calm her down. I explained the amount of work I've got - 2 extra modules than her. I explained that I am running the boxing club and I'm captain - I have no time in the evenings because I have to be at the bexing club, plus all the paperwork I have to do each week for it. She's not the only one who's under pressure and she should stay focused. Suzanne told me I can just leave the boxing club - now I'm still annoyed about that, because the crux of her problem is that she works 9-6 Saturdays and Sundays when she doesn't need the money. I am using the boxing club for my CV and application to another university - I am doing work for that club that people with degrees do. It is skilled work and will speak volumes on my CV.

I am ina worse position than Suzanne time-wise and work-wise. Yet, I spend 4-8 hours in the library each day. I work fucking hard and I get the grades and meet the deadlines. Suzanne will sit in the library, go on facebook, fuck about reading the core textbooks, give up and go and meet the girl's for coffee. I get all the required reading and exterior reading done by the midterm. I turn about 150-200 pages altogether each day of various books for my modules.

Anyway, I've been in a bad mood due to having to manage a lot of delicate things in my social life - thats another thread altogether; on top of the work I have and then the training and working for the boxing club. I met Suzanne and the girls today when they were having coffee and Suzanne asked my how my annotated bibliography was going. I told her I've about 25 books and I just had a meeting with my supervisor who told me its on an A grade - I was in a really good mood because I was worried about it and I was feeling a lot less pressure than I had.

Suzanne told me her's was going shit. She only started yesterday thinking she could do it in a day - and I had told her it'll take about a week to do it last Friday. She said she only had 8 books and the minimum is 10 secondary plus X primary sources. She then got cross with me for just having so much done and she went off with her friend for a walk around the lake. I was left with one of the girls who told me 'they've gone off talking about you now.' And we just sat there and gave out about how Suzanne just takes everything far too seriously, because its driven both of us mental.

I was not showin off or presented the work I'd done in the way I have here, it was all in relation toa series of questions from Suzanne.

I don;t know how to deal with her, because I'm on a short fuse and over the last couple of weeks I have been avoiding her and those girls purely because of the way she's been behaving. This has resulted in a backlash from one of the girls who likes me and is constantly asking if I'm hanging out with this other girl...so its added this whole other dimension of problems for me - not to mention what I have going on at home at the moment.

So all of this equals a stressed out Joe.
   
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Re: stressed girl makes me stressed - October 7th 2010, 03:07 AM

If she's stressing you out, you need to focus on YOU. Your well being is important. You tried to help her, but she didn't want to hear any of it. Just let her whining go in one ear and out the other until she realizes that you've tried to be there for her.


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Re: stressed girl makes me stressed - October 8th 2010, 09:20 PM

I think maybe you're being a bit patronising, trying to make her feel better by explaining to her why your situation is worse? Seriously?

You clearly find her infuriating enough to write a mini essay on this site so why not just stay out of her way or not get into discussions with her about work? General life skill: don't like someone, stay out of their way.


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Re: stressed girl makes me stressed - October 9th 2010, 12:48 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by her_beautiful_mistake View Post
I think maybe you're being a bit patronising, trying to make her feel better by explaining to her why your situation is worse? Seriously?

You clearly find her infuriating enough to write a mini essay on this site so why not just stay out of her way or not get into discussions with her about work? General life skill: don't like someone, stay out of their way.
thanks.

(apparently more words equals a better post?)
   
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Re: stressed girl makes me stressed - October 9th 2010, 04:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by her_beautiful_mistake View Post
I think maybe you're being a bit patronising, trying to make her feel better by explaining to her why your situation is worse? Seriously?

You clearly find her infuriating enough to write a mini essay on this site so why not just stay out of her way or not get into discussions with her about work? General life skill: don't like someone, stay out of their way.
I agree with the first half of this, it does seem like you're being a little condescending. The feeling of being overwhelmed isn't necessarily a function of workload or external stresses. A lot of it is emotional; when I was severely depressed I literally could handle no outside stresses -- I had to leave school and remove myself entirely from things I perceived to be overwhelming. And yeah, I spent a lot of time on facebook, sleeping, just doing pointless shit. I obviously don't know Suzanne or her mental health history, I'm just saying that stress isn't necessarily something you can objectify.

The second part of herbeautifulmistake's post seems like a worthless generalization to me, after all the OP did refer to the girl as a friend -- it's not as simple as "staying out of her way," especially considering the other relationships involved. It seems to me that you (Dedalus) care about Suzanne, just not enough to sacrifice your work and personal life for what's really not your concern. Which is perfectly understandable and characteristic of most friendships. And really, I think it's rude of her to ask you to sacrifice something you're passionate about simply to...do what exactly? Listen to her bitching without being able to do anything about it?



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Re: stressed girl makes me stressed - October 9th 2010, 11:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghost On The Highway View Post


I agree with the first half of this, it does seem like you're being a little condescending. The feeling of being overwhelmed isn't necessarily a function of workload or external stresses. A lot of it is emotional; when I was severely depressed I literally could handle no outside stresses -- I had to leave school and remove myself entirely from things I perceived to be overwhelming. And yeah, I spent a lot of time on facebook, sleeping, just doing pointless shit. I obviously don't know Suzanne or her mental health history, I'm just saying that stress isn't necessarily something you can objectify.

The second part of herbeautifulmistake's post seems like a worthless generalization to me, after all the OP did refer to the girl as a friend -- it's not as simple as "staying out of her way," especially considering the other relationships involved. It seems to me that you (Dedalus) care about Suzanne, just not enough to sacrifice your work and personal life for what's really not your concern. Which is perfectly understandable and characteristic of most friendships. And really, I think it's rude of her to ask you to sacrifice something you're passionate about simply to...do what exactly? Listen to her bitching without being able to do anything about it?

Well, perhaps part 1 is right, but I hadn't presented it like that. I walked her back to the bus and she was complaining about everything and I told her everyone is stressed. I'm stressed, Kate's stressed, Amy's stressed. Its final year, its not a walk in the park. Amy's grandad is dying, how do you think she feels - it only adds to the stress. You know, I've got 2 more modules than everyone else, I'm running the boxing club; but like Amy I find the time to get the work done, because I put the hours in.

It went like that, but I certainly did not launch into a tirade of why my life might be worse than her's - and a large proprtion of not doing that was because she could very easily not be telling us about a big major thing and covering it up with little things - though Suzanne does get stressed about everything since I've first known her 3 years ago. Its like this a lot of the time with her. But its only now that I'm suddenly feeling the pressure that I'm not in the mood to put her in a box and stuff it with cotton wool - I wish she'd just face up to the problems instead of avoiding them, making them worse and then just talking about it.
   
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Re: stressed girl makes me stressed - October 9th 2010, 04:44 PM

I didn't mean stay out of her way completely, just avoid those conversations. I have friends like that -- constantly talking about work -- and when it's brought up say something supportive and then.. idk.. mention X factor. Or football. or the weather. You catch my drift. but along the same lines I have given up on relationships I determined to be unhealthy for me, this could be such a situation for Dedalus. Hence I gave both options, depends on the severity! Thank you for taking apart and analysing my post though, rather than add something constructive yourself .

But from your last post it seems like you don't actually know what you want to do? Do you want to help her or have you tried enough? Make that decision because obviously the course of action is different depending.. if you want to help her maybe go for coffee and have a chat about her time management techniques and how she deals with stress.


(RAH) + (AH) + RO(MA + MAMA) + (GA) + OOH + (LA) = Bad Romance

Religion is like a penis.
It's fine to have one.
It's fine to be proud of it.
But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
And PLEASE don't try and shove it down my throat.
   
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Re: stressed girl makes me stressed - October 10th 2010, 07:01 AM

What I'm about to say is you're probably going to disagree with me...but fuck em'. You got your own shit to worry about, and you don't need to hear other people's bitching and complaining. You have your load, they have theirs. They need to understand that they aren't doing what they're supposed to, and that isn't your problem. You are in control of your life, just like they are in control of theirs. If you allow them to vent, you allow them to use you. This is nice and thoughtful of you to be concerned about others, but now isn't the time to be a gentlemen and listen to people complaining. You need to let them know that when they complain about their problems, you get stressed out too. You've got shit to deal with, and you don't want to hear it. If they get upset over that, then they simply don't understand and it's not your job to take care of them. Simple as that.
   
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