Relief at Last!

[BlueWolf]

Today started out horrible, but I feel soooo good now. It's ending wonderfully. It's funny how earlier I was ready to end everything. Everything seemed to be falling apart and I crumple at such little things. Yeah, things are rough, there's no denying it, but something made me soo happy that no matter what, I just can't stop smiling.

I haven't talked to my dad in MONTHS. He was very depressed without having a job and such and was very cruel to me. His words hurt me and I was always angry at him, but I missed him sooo much and I just HAD to say Happy Easter. So I called my Grandparents, which he was there celebrating with them and talked to everyone. He sounded so good. He still was sarcastic with me and made his usual jests, but... it wasn't like he was putting me down as usual and he was laughing, just joking with me too. It really loosened me up and lifted my spirits. My grandparents were telling me how well he's been doing lately and what a great job he has found. College really has me down, but I could transfer to Florida and be a resident there since I have so many family members there. My family there would pay for everything and they are so encouraging. I am much more stable there, at least compared to here.

I think it would be best for me emotionally and all. I think I could recover better there. However, it pains me to think about leaving my mom. It's always just been the two of us and niether of us like change. My mom is not very nice, but hey, she has her moments and she's still my mom. I don't want to just abandon her when that's what I fear the most. I like knowing that I am close by. It's a very comforting feeling, but staying here, I'm a wreck. I think it would be best for me to make this transition. Maybe not yet, but in the near future.

So I'm like in tears of relief right now. I haven't felt this relieved for as long as I can remember. I feel so light right now and not at all upset although slightly worried, but that's normal for me. I miss my dad soo much too, I know I must sound like a little girl, but... I haven't seen him in ages. I'm so excited that he's doing well and that takes a lot of stress off of me, and with knowing a new option for school has been opened up. THERE IS STILL HOPE!!!! Of course I'll miss my boyfriend, but I'm not going anywhere yet, I still have to get the credits to transfer if I do go, which means at least another year to see where the two of us get. That too makes me happy.

For today, all the demons and shadows that lurk around me are at bay and I can be at peace. Thank you God for this wonderful day and taking my pain away even if it is only for a day. That means more than anything to me, and thanks for helping my dad. Today there is peace and happiness.


I just really felt like posting this because I am THAT excited!

[Thirteen]

Hey Jess,

It's great that you're happy today, though things aren't perfect. Hope the good mood keeps on going, and you get everything figured out. You'll be seeing your dad this summer, right? At least you know since he's happier, it'll be a good time for all, right?

[BlueWolf]

I don't think I'll see him this summer and that does hurt, but your right he's happier and I can tell when I talk to him. It makes me feel sooo much better. For a few hours today I felt wonderful, like nothing was wrong with me for the first time since I can't even remember. I'm still thankful for that relief. I was starting to think it was impossible, but that taste of what can come back again was very encouraging.

I'm just sad it ended so soon. It didn't last all day, but for awhile. I mean pretty much all the pain for a brief time had vanished. It's all rushing back now.

Thanks, and I hope I get to feel better like that again soon. At least now I know it's possible.

[MegaMadness]

That's great to hear

[Kitty.]

I am so glad that you are peaceful now and happy.