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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Imperfection..... - July 21st 2012, 11:09 AM

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood evening all . I had the school Open Day today, I was volunteering and we actually got paid for doing the work, giving everybody tours of the school and being Ancient History experts, yours truly .

We got six dollar Cafeteria Vouchers . Literally working for food haha .

Anyway, I was on my shift doing tours of the Department of Welfare, showing everybody around and showing the guys the Counsellor's Office, introducing the Careers Adviser to everyone and getting my vouchers worth of work done .

When everyone wound down and people were going home, I was with a couple of other volunteers and our Coordinator talking and one of the girls was talking about how she was going to fail her exams and the Coordinator was comforting her, saying "never tell yourself you are not good enough, I used to do that".

A rush went through the room and it was quite touching what he said.

Anyway, we kept talking and the Coordinator began sharing his story. He was talking about how he has Anxiety Attacks and how he gets nervous when presenting and stuff and we were contradicting him, going "but you're this awesome guy, you're Doctor Presentation, have you seen yourself?"

And then he said something which moved me slightly:

"You never see me in my darkest moments and when I have them, they are very dark moments."

It made me think. It made me think about how many other reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaally confident people have a hidden insecruity, have hidden stories of adversity, have hidden Depression.

What happens behind the scenes? Rhetorical question LOL.

But this is my real question. Are you a secret imperfect? Do you wear some sort of facade over adversity, do you cover up what happens "behind the scenes"?

I know heeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaps of people who are explicitly Depressed and explicitly are going through MAJOR adversity but I have met one secret imperfect, my friend Xav.

I had a councelling sesh yesterday and in this councelling sesh, I came to realise that there are probably people in our year group who have been through soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much and you would never guess it.

But are you a secret imperfect and why do you choose to hide it?


“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place,
But believe that there is much more good in it than bad.
All you have to do is look hard enough,
And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

~My Childhood Friend.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Imperfection..... - July 21st 2012, 12:03 PM

Hi Hamed

I hope you're having a dandy day.

An interesting message. I enjoyed reading it.

I am a 'secret imperfect'. Although I'm not nearly as 'secret' these days. When I was in high school there was a small gathering of people sitting at a big table in the library. I knew most of them. Someone brought up the topic of 'faults' - who has them - and what are they. Not sure how it started - but all of a sudden 'they' were going around table and dissecting each person. "She has this fault and he has that fault", etc. Everyone had several faults. And some of those faults were glaring! [As in 'obvious to all'!] When it got around ME - nobody said anything for about half a minute. Then someone laughed and said, "He's PERFECT! He has no faults!" The others nodded their heads and they went on to the next person.

Keeping something a SECRET?

It's the only thing I can do 'perfectly'!!

From my book, "The Bathroom Mirror', there is a chapter called, "Compassion for the 'have-it-alls;" Here's what it says..... [in part]

"We often assume that IF someone is good looking - talented - smart - wealthy or popular [Or all of the above] that everything else about them is OK. But that's not fair. We have NO IDEA what's going on in their heart. And we have NO IDEA what they have gone through in THEIR life. Which means - we have NO RIGHT to assume anything about them. In fact - our assumptions can often make it very difficult for some people to be open and honest about who they ARE and how they FEEL. And that can cause them to become isolated and alone."


Last edited by CanadaCraig; July 22nd 2012 at 02:14 AM.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Imperfection..... - July 21st 2012, 04:55 PM

I am. I don't keep it as much of a secret on TH, or to people I really trust, but even then there are things I hide. Like how much I hurt sometimes, how hard it is to hide who you are and the bad feelings you have as yourself when to others you either seem like something your not or that your proud of it.

I chose to hide it most of the time because I don't want to seem weak and worthless. I'm afraid that people will see how worthless I am and they'll leave me. So I hide it and pretend to be strong and nice and confident and proud.

What he said is really moving, I mean, everyone has dark moments, and I probably have really dark ones a lot.

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Imperfection..... - July 22nd 2012, 01:50 AM

Yes, I am.

Not on TeenHelp, because here I feel safe enough to express what's actually going on.

But - I am talented, both musically and artistically. I have a gifted IQ, and I can talk in front of an audience, and hold their attention.

The problem, is people see what I can do, and are then unlikely to listen to all the things I can't do. I regularly get told I should go back to art school and finish what I started - people disregard that the stress of art school combined with a mood disorder was nearly a lethal combination. They don't see what they don't want to see.

And I have issues with working memory. This means that although I have a very high retention of what I read, I find it very difficult to re-arrange it in such a manner that it is useful in an exam context - I have failed more than one tertiary paper as a result of this.

I also have trouble with expressing when I'm very depressed, because, I think, my emotional intelligence isn't very good. I find it very hard to communicate just how bad things are - and then I end up acting out, which people don't really understand. It's even harder to express when I might be getting high, because to me, it feels like having a good time, and to others, I just seem to be going a bit faster than normal.

I spent my teenaged years surrounded by a group of very good friends, who nevertheless could not understand my SH and suicidal ideations - they saw what was on the surface.

It's a common thing for people not to be aware of what's really going on, and we can't change that unless we open up the lines of communication and in doing so make ourselves vulnerable. For many people, including me, optionally becoming vulnerable is exceedingly difficult - and I think this contributes to, for example, suicides where the people left are completely lost as to the cause.

If we were more accepting of people's trials and faults, maybe we could make it easier for people to communicate what's actually going on, maybe help would become more available to those who need it. That would be good.

Thanks for an interesting post, Hamed.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Imperfection..... - July 22nd 2012, 11:14 AM

A lot of people can see things about me on the surface. They see the depression, they see the anger, they see all of that. But people think I'm attention seeking because I don't explain it to them (as dumb as that sounds, I would have thought that the 'attention seekers' would be the ones who would explain everything in great detail). I wouldn't say I'm a 'secret imperfect' because everybody knows I'm imperfect. But it's all on the surface, they don't know what's really going on and how hard things really are.

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Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless.
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Imperfection..... - July 25th 2012, 08:47 AM

I'm pretty sure everyone has imperfections. I simply refuse to believe that there's a perfect human out there... As for me, I choose to hide my insecurities/imperfections for personal reasons. No one in my non - digital life knows about anything I post on TH for example. It would tear me to shreds if someone found out.

On the outside, I'm always happy, friendly, and I just try to be as outgoing as I can. Deep inside though, I, like many others, have my insecurities, some of which I've seeked help on here on TH. I know I'm not alone though as I'm sure everyone has some form of insecurity if their own.

BTW, you make great thread topics! I look forward to more!

Carpe Diem: Seize the Day/Moment. -Horace

Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered -Julius Caesar
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Imperfection..... - July 25th 2012, 03:57 PM

Hey Hamed!

I loved your question. I think it's a really good question to ask. For me, I tend to have a problem with wearing my heart on my sleeve too much actually. I'm a really insecure person but when it comes to important facts about myself, I'm much quicker to share them. For me, it's sharing my emotions that I can sometimes have a more difficult time with, depending on who I'm talking to. If I'm going to hide something, I'm going to hide the way something makes me feel. Usually though, to the people closest to me, I share my emotions for the most part. It really just depends on what's going on that day and what I feel comfortable with. Most of the time, unless I'm really upset, I don't cry in front of people. I usually do that behind closed doors. But yeah, that's me.


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Re: Imperfection..... - July 26th 2012, 01:23 AM

I think everyone is imperfect in some way. We all have chips on our china, but some are simply more easily hidden than others.

At least, I know I myself am grossly imperfect. I have such little understanding of anything, and no practical skills or talents. My main problem is a complete lack of life experience doing anything.

- Justin

"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Imperfection..... - July 27th 2012, 08:56 PM

My imperfections may be a bit odd but here goes.

First, I have a very strong memory and memory recollection but it's made other features limited. Basically, I could draw a map (or have someone else draw because my art skills aren't good enough for this) of how many houses are on a street, where they're situated, how many cars they each have, cracks in the road and every single feature EXCEPT the street names. Even when I was at campus, I had to think not of the names of a certain lab or even a street, but of how the landmarks looked, names of landmarks, how everything else looks and I can imagine a mental map where I'll go to the destination and everything will be as it is in actuality.

Second, again related to my memory, I'll memorize important details, key concepts, irrelevant details. For example, when I'm studying for a test, I'll memorize the lecture notes, textbook chapters, class discussions, past tests and any labs. It becomes a chaotic mess and I get stuck trying to sort out what I already understand with everything else.

The problem is I'll often include many fine details, which even though they're sometimes relevant, they're too narrow-focused and I'll have wasted precious time as I haven't answered the entire question. I've managed to somewhat overcome this by creating a shit-load of flowcharts for a certain topic and it looks like an utter nightmare but to me it makes sense. Instead of trying to re-organize the chaotic mess, I recall the flowcharts and all the fine details I wrote in them. If my flowcharts are a bit off though, then I'm SOL.

My last imperfection is not wearing my heart on a sleeve and trying to understand highly emotionally-related things. For as long as I can remember, I'll feel the correct emotion but not as long as everyone else around me, whether they're family, friends or strangers. In order to continue feeling it, I have to re-examine what happened from a different angle. It's great for things like science and math but things like relationships or even certain TV shows I usually find myself puzzled and try to figure things out empirically and rationally, even though emotions in most people aren't quite rational. I've also found that during this, my facial expressions hardly change because I'm busy focused on something, it unintentionally drives the other person mad.

I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Imperfection..... - July 28th 2012, 03:52 AM

I love this, I REALLY love this. I'm new here and this was the first thing that I came across and it really touched me, because I am a "secret imperfect".

Honestly, I feel as though I am such a "secrete imperfect" that people actually know it, inspite of my efforts to conceal it. Occassionally my imperfet self has leaked itself into public view, like when I had a panic attack in the middle of class after failing a test (it shoulfdn't have been such a big deal, but to me it mattered) and everyone thought I was having a seizure. From then on in, I've made every effort possible to hide that side of me to others. i keep my imperfections locked inside because frankly I'm afraid that people won't still see me. It'll be like seeing your parents hide the christmas presents, whatever was special is gone.

I've had this "me" to live up to since my freshman year in high school with my good grades, the apparent quirkiness that people liked, and if people saw the true me, flaws and all, I don't think i could stand to know that they knew that i get depressed quite often,or even that my home life is below par compared to theirs.

Getting this out is liberating and I thank you for posting this.
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Imperfection..... - July 28th 2012, 04:00 PM

Hey there.
Sometimes people don't like showing their weaknesses. It could be the way they were raised or they don't wanna get made fun of. Everyones different and everybody can be scared. You have to respect why they'd keep it private you get what i'm saying? I hope I helped some! Take care & thank you for sharing this with all of us.
<3 Kelly "YOLO"

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Re: Imperfection..... - July 29th 2012, 04:40 AM

I like this thread. Maybe because i have secret imperfections

If you were to see me in school, i would be the happy-go-lucky girl. But im not happy on the inside. I have to much anger and sadness in my heart. I would seem like out of it. But of course i would be out of it, i have take care of my sick mother and my younger sisters

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Re: Imperfection..... - July 29th 2012, 09:54 PM

I do spend a lot of time putting on a mask when things get rough for a couple different reasons. For most of my life, I was trained not to show my emotions because they got played with when I did. I just learned that it's way easier if I don't make myself vulnerable to people. I've also kind of become that person that is expected to have it all together. The one time I showed people that I didn't, they told me that it freaked them out. So, I kind of have to keep being strong so other people are comfortable. Oh, and it's just easier for me at this point.

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