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august22 Offline
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Question opening up - November 8th 2015, 11:50 PM

hey everyone im need help getting out of my shell and opening up ive always been a very to myself person aand never speaking

i need help engaging in conversation and opening up to people can someone help me please
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Re: opening up - November 9th 2015, 05:31 AM

Hi there.

First off, welcome to TeenHelp! I'm glad you're reaching out here. Socializing and opening up can be so difficult and many people can probably relate to that.

Is there anything specific that causes you to keep to yourself? For example, are you worried of what that person may think of you if you speak about a certain topic or are you just very shy and that causes you to stutter during conversations? Many people have difficulties socializing and opening up but the reasons as to why can differ in each individual. Knowing what causes your issues with opening up and being talkative could help you tackle the problem(s).

One important thing is to learn how to ease out of your comfort zone. Say, your friends are engaging in a conversation and you feel more relaxed simply being in the room not speaking. Speak to them, contribute to the conversation when you get the feeling you'd like to share something even if it feels scary. Then you can begin doing other things such as talking to strangers (store clerks, people at parties, people at school etc) but start small. Wish them a good day, ask them how their day is currently going and so on. Practice communicating about trivial things first and work your way up from there. Slowly you will begin to find socialization easier and easier.

For opening up about issues you're going through, you can write what you want to say on a note if that'd make it easier than verbally talking about it. That can be a good way to ease you into talking about sensitive issues and difficult feelings. During conversations regarding emotional difficulties or even conversations in which you feel anxious, you could use simple methods to calm yourself. Sipping a glass of water or fidgeting with a piece of jewelry or a button on your clothing can make it a bit easier. Sounds weird but it allows you to keep your hands busy and have a little something else to focus on. Not so much that it blocks the conversation out though!

To develop conversations with your friends or family, you can start with your passions and interests. Who knows? Maybe they share similar interests with you and that can turn into a conversation both of you can get into. Talk about what you're passionate about and ask questions about them as well, what they're interested in, what they've been up to lately, how they are doing today etc. Taking an interest in their interests could create more conversations as well. Listening to a band they're obsessed with or watching a show they follow. Not so much to change yourself, but just to gain insight on what they like, you know?

Has there been anything you are interested in that can require lessons and classes? Such as dance and/or yoga for example? That and volunteering can be a wonderful way to meet new friends and practice socialization. If you are interested, you could learn a new language(s) or travel someplace both for your interests and to have extra things to make conversation about. Explore, do new things and meet new people and it'll be difficult to run out of things to say.

Hope this helped a bit. I wish you the best of luck in making progress towards opening up and being more social. Take care.
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Re: opening up - November 10th 2015, 01:13 AM

Welcome to TeenHelp!!
Ellie gave you some fabulous and very helpful suggestions.

I would just like to add that it can take time to open up especially if you have reasons why opening up is challenging (ie. you live in a family where openness is frowned upon, you are shy Etc.)
None of those things are "bad", it just requires motivation to overcome them.
Even if you find starting out with a letter to seem like a useless suggestion, it really is not. You deserve to be heard and if writing is a way you can articulate it than that is what you can use.
Hope this helps and that things improve for you.
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Re: opening up - November 11th 2015, 08:18 PM


You've been given some really great advice by Christina and Ellie. I thought I'd add my two cents.

Sometimes I find it helpful to go into conversation with a 'script' of sorts. So, I'm not so great with small talk but I know that that's how a conversation starts, so I know that if someone says hello to me, I can say 'hi, how are you doing?' and that'll keep the conversation going rather than just saying 'hello' back and leaving it to the other person to continue.

The advice about doing activities and finding friends with similar interests is really helpful. I tend to go on and on about things that people get bored of, and that ends the conversation pretty quickly but when people have the same interests, you can talk about things for a while because the other person is also interested in it.

Take care

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