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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
LucyLouWho Offline
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I'm trapped. - November 18th 2009, 12:32 AM


Well, now that our son is here and we're pretty much able to live on our own, hubby and I were wanting to move out around January/February. I told my family this (who we're living with now) and they completely flipped. I know that I can do whatever I want, but I do have a conscience.

My mom has pretty much told me that she's gotten attached to our son now and that if we leave she might as well kill herself. And I take it seriously because she used to cut herself and she's been depressed/bipolar for as long as I can remember and is on meds for it.

Not only that, but my grandfather got upset because he added on the two rooms that we're staying in now. And when he found out that we wanted to move, he got pretty upset and literally cried.

And... My grandmother told me that if we're going to move, she's got to rethink her will because she's not going to leave me this house (as she's always planned to) if I'm just going to live somewhere else.

What am I supposed to do? Live here depending on them until they die? I hate to think of it like that, but that's pretty much what it is.

I'm not unhappy here... I just really want to have a place with my family. I want my husband, myself, and our kids to be able to live on our own, have our own family time, etc. We don't have that here... We don't have our own kitchen, bathroom, etc.

I want so badly to move out into our own place, but not if it means that I'm going to have to live with a guilt trip that my mom might kill herself, my grandfather will be heartbroken, and my grandmother is constantly pissed off. I don't know what to do...

I know it's extremely immature of them to guilt me into staying... But there's nothing I can do about it... Anytime it's brought up, I get the guilt trips. I feel like I'll never get out of here. And I'll bet anything that if I were to get pregnant again, since there's not enough room for another child in our part of the house, they'd want to build on another room and dish out another 10,000 just so we don't leave. FML.

I can't wait until Kaden is a year old so we can try for another... At least then I'll have an excuse to leave. I'm planning on refusing another room being built. I WANT TO LEAVE.


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Re: I'm trapped. - November 18th 2009, 02:21 PM

Sometimes you just have to do what makes you happy. I know I've made decisions that have upset my family, but it was right for me and they got over it.

Are you planning on moving far way? If not, I don't really see what the big deal is. Atleast they'll still be able to see him. I mean I can kinda see why your grandparents would be upset since they built the extra rooms, but they can't expect you to stay there forever...

Maybe consider staying there a little longer? Until Kaden is a few months old... My husband and I do it on our own with barely any help and it is really really hard. We pay our own bills and maybe get one night every two weeks to go out to dinner by ourselves. It's more than alittle stressful and I hate being alone all day long while he's at work.

On the otherhand, I LOVE living on my own and having my family in our own place. Even though it's tough I wouldn't trade it for anything.
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Re: I'm trapped. - November 18th 2009, 02:44 PM

I think like Kristi said said maybe you just have to go against your family here, to be honest if it were me I'd probably be immature myself and return guilt trips with guilt trips. If you could sit them down and talk to them seriously without them just going off on one, point out the benefits and your longer term plans and its what you want... Maybe say what you said here, do you have to stay there till they die??

I'm 18, and have no family of my own and I'd love too move out xD, so I can't imagine what it must be like to actually be trapped in a house!

Also I'm sure you know this, but don't get pregnant JUST to get out the house... :/

I'd keep pushing though, parents are different I know but I find if I push hard enough long enough, most people give anyways

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iHEAVENn Offline
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Re: I'm trapped. - November 19th 2009, 11:03 PM

See I'm kinda different.. If my family had built two extra rooms onto a house just for my husband and my son I would stay.. Take the help while you can is the way I'd look at it..
My husband and I were told right from the start (before baby came along) that if we wanted to be together and get married we had to do it on our own..
My parents weren't trying to be mean.. they were just trying to help us build a better life..
We DID struggle for the first year (during pregnancy and for our sons first year of life)

We wont have a house left to us from someone's will.. so if staying there till they died was all it took.. I'd probably do it just because I know how much of a struggle it's going to be for us to save up our own money to buy a house.

all that being said...
It does seem like your mom and grandma are trying to guilt you... but I can see why your grandpa is upset and I do think he has every right to be upset.

I know you want your own space for your new family and I do see why you feel trapped.. but maybe you should try looking at this from a different view? Decide in a few months whether or not you guys will be leaving. Take the extra help now while it's being offered.

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