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ThePunkAlien Offline
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Name: Josh
Age: 31
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Location: Hollywood USA

Posts: 777
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Join Date: January 5th 2009

Arrow Are you cursed? - December 17th 2009, 02:39 AM

DO YOU FEEL CURSED?

I was wondering if anyone might feel like their life is cursed and what that curse is.

Me? I have a darkness inside me that I've been fighting my whole life. My worst nightmare is that one day I'll lose control and completely lose my mind and become the bad guy.

In kindergarden my teacher once told me that I had two choices in life. I could either become the next Lex Luthor or Steven Spielberg.

Eight years later I almost killed someone. I was left at the home of a disturbed teen with my sister - their parents were friends with my parents. He chased after my sister. I confronted him and if it wasn't for my sister holding me back - I would have killed him. I wanted to kill him and part of me liked it... having that power.

When I was sixteen I threatened to kill somebody who was bothering me, to scare them away. It just came out. I've had similar thoughts of killing people when they harm or come close to harming anyone I care about and have to struggle to restrain myself - but, I'm afraid one day I won't be able to.

I've always felt like I was cursed, like I had something wrong with me. Coursing through my blood. Then last year I found out about where I come from - crime and murder capital of the world. My father had run away, just like I ran away away once when things were getting two intense. That's when I realized - what's in me, this 'bad blood' that I can never escape. Him.

My curse? The possibility of one day becoming my father. A criminal. I relate it back to Anakin Skywalker: his mother was killed = he slaughters the tusken raiders, he wants his wife to live = he goes to any lethal lengths to try to ensure she does. Or Harvey Dent in TDK. That noble man who if given the right push can plunge from sanity. I was there when I was thirteen, who says I won't be again? And that curse - it terrifies me every day.

I even have a screenplay based around my curse that I'm working on with an academy award winners son. A son with an absent criminal murdering father who's worst fear is becoming him. He gets bitten by a werewolf and is thrust into the battle of nature and nurture. The "curse" being how biology can seriously fuck you up.

"You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."




So, does anyone else ever feel cursed?

Last edited by ThePunkAlien; December 17th 2009 at 03:01 AM.
   
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