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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
AmberS9109 Offline
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What do you think? - July 31st 2010, 08:23 PM

Is it a good idea to make good with my boyfriend's baby's mom? We're not on the greatest terms right now, and my boyfriend doesn't care beyond paying child support, but I'd really like to know how his little girl's doing and I feel it would just eliminate so much unneeded drama.
Even if we wouldn't hang out in person, just being friends on Facebook/MySpace... so we can communicate and see pictures and stuff.
What do you think? Is it a good idea?

Edit: Before you say it, he's not a dead beat. It's just that they had it too young. When he wanted to talk about other options with her, she was set on having it, with or without him. Don't get me wrong, he cares about her health, etc. He pays child support. He bought her a stroller and clothes. But he hasn't seen her since the hospital (8 months ago) when she was born. I'd really like to see her, since she's like my "step child" in a sense.
He doesn't "like" children. By "like", I mean he doesn't really know how to care for them, show them affection. He still acts like a young adult, which he is. He didn't want the baby, he wanted to do adoption. And in his mind (since he's so stubborn), his logic says "I can't care for something I never wanted." as harsh as it sounds.
He's not a deadbeat. He's just stubborn and doesn't know what to do with the situation.



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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Tara. Offline
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Re: What do you think? - July 31st 2010, 08:28 PM

You're not married, but you seem close to it. It's the right thing to do, so that the kid has some kind of relationship with her father. Regardless of whether he wanted her, she's here.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What do you think? - July 31st 2010, 08:50 PM

I don't see why you can't make good with her.
You should talk to him about this, tell him he should really be a part of the child's life and see her at least every now and then. It is still his child after all.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: What do you think? - July 31st 2010, 08:57 PM

I have talked to him about it. Over and over again. But it just ends up starting arguments because he likes making his own choices and doesn't like when people try to point him in a specific direction. I'd rather just avoid it and not talk to him about it again. We don't need another argument at this point.



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Re: What do you think? - July 31st 2010, 09:16 PM

So you're fine with him abandoning his kid.



Do you already know the mom, does she want a relationship with you?


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
AmberS9109 Offline
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Re: What do you think? - July 31st 2010, 09:24 PM

O.O No, I'm not fine with him abandoning his damn kid. I just said I've talked to him about it over and over again but he doesn't want to listen. And if I was fine with him abandoning his kid, I wouldn't want a friendship with his kid's mother!

And, to answer your questions...
We've fought in the past, in the beginning of mine and my boyfriend's relationship because we started dating a day after his kid was born and his ex was pissed off about it for some reason. We don't have much against each other, but I'm not sure if she wants a friendship with me.



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Re: What do you think? - August 3rd 2010, 08:20 PM

He should have thought about not wanting a baby before he went and had unprotected sex.

I don't think it's a bad thing to keep in touch. I definitly think he should be seeing his baby though. It might spark something inside him. Facebook friend sounds good and send her some messages occasionally or something




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Re: What do you think? - August 4th 2010, 12:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmberS9109 View Post
O.O No, I'm not fine with him abandoning his damn kid. I just said I've talked to him about it over and over again but he doesn't want to listen. And if I was fine with him abandoning his kid, I wouldn't want a friendship with his kid's mother!

And, to answer your questions...
We've fought in the past, in the beginning of mine and my boyfriend's relationship because we started dating a day after his kid was born and his ex was pissed off about it for some reason. We don't have much against each other, but I'm not sure if she wants a friendship with me.
Well, the two of them are connected in a very very strong way. Now, she was angry, the kid's mom that is, and seemingly cause it seems she wants him to be devoted to her. This is a really bad situation. Don't get me wrong, i mean its good that that young lady wanted to keep the child, but those two have a really strong connection and the fact that the two of you fight about it just proves that this situation connects with your boyfriend very emotionally. Now you say he's not a deadbeat. Is he a good guy ? If he so is truly a good person that means he will be there for his kid, and since he is young, his heart might change in a second. Do you know what I mean ?

I don't want to scare, but this is the truth. Getting mixed in this situation doesn't seem a good idea. Someone, it seems will likely get hurt here.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: What do you think? - August 4th 2010, 12:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by niente_ View Post
He should have thought about not wanting a baby before he went and had unprotected sex.
.....
Very well said, but now it has already happened.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: What do you think? - August 7th 2010, 12:15 AM

If you have some way to communicate with her, it would be a good idea to explain to her that you care about the child and that you would like to have a relationship with both her and the child. I'm sure it would be nice for her to hear and if she gets angry at you then it's her problem.


Heaven is high and earth wide. If you ride three feet higher above the ground than other men, you will know what that means. ~Rudolf C. Binding
   
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Re: What do you think? - August 7th 2010, 02:22 AM

I doubt he's abandoning his kid entirely, it's probably just difficult since the entire thing is connected to his ex and there is probably a lot of bad feelings there he would rather avoid. He's making sure his child has the money to be cared for and things might turn out better in the future given time.

Being friendly with anyone will always be better than having them as an enemy or being on bad terms. It can't hurt to be on good terms with his ex, it will mean less arguments and less hassle in the future regarding anything to do with his child. Becoming a very close friend to her might cause complications with your boyfriend, but adding her on facebook and simply being friendly can't hurt at all. If she truly doesn't want to be friends, then it's no loss and at least you tried.

Hope things work out.


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Re: What do you think? - August 7th 2010, 03:09 AM

I would tell your boyfriend that you'd like to be on at least good terms with her. After all, she's a part of his life and he's a part of yours. It makes sense. Besides which, is always better to have neutral acquaintances than enemies.

Were I you, I'd send her a message stating simply that you don't have any bad feelings at all towards her and you'd like it if the two of you could be--if not on friendly terms--at least without so much animosity. It's not too pushy, and it lets her know that you're not seething or anything.



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