How Can I Be Less Rude?

[HopelessVictim]

It's not that I'm upset over this, but two different people have already told me that I am rude...However, I'll be honest here, I am afraid of being nice and opening up to others because I did that in the past and opened a door that allowed access for people to step all over me and take advantage of me, then push me out of their lives. And they did. That's why I'm so rude to people because I fear that if I am nice I will be stepped on because that is how most people are in this selfish world we live in.

Thing is, I really want to be nice. But I'm afraid that if I start being nice again people will take advantage of me and I will have to re-live everything that I had to go through in the past. I don't want to be used again for another person's selfish wants. But I don't want to keep being ruse and pushing people away from me. I don't know what to do.

Help?

[PSY]

Originally Posted by HopelessVictim

I fear that if I am nice I will be stepped on because that is how most people are in this selfish world we live in.

Well, for starters, you have to change the way in which you view the world as a whole. Yes, life is cruel, and there are many people who will take advantage of you; however, there are just as many, if not more people, who aren't that way. You won't know until you take the time to get to know someone. It's easy to make premature judgments and brush people off. It's not so easy to learn more about them, and to share a little bit about yourself in return. It only takes a few seconds to dismiss someone as an idiot. It takes weeks, months, or even years to develop a strong relationship with someone. Basically, you can't just start acting nice... you also have to decide that you want to see people as potentially "good". You have to change how you behave toward others, but you also have to give people the benefit of the doubt, until proven otherwise.

[Singing to the starlight]

Just because you're not being rude doesn't mean you have to be nice, it just means you have to not be rude. Be civilised.

[Justin Bieber]

The past can really change how we view things- for better or for worse. Seems like you need to do some reflection? I think it's okay to be wary of people... people DO try and step on others to get ahead. Sometimes though, it's better to welcome everyone with open arms- then they can be looked upon as the rude/selfish ones, rather than you looking like 'the bad guy.' What about saying nothing? Instead of saying something rude, or something overly nice, you can choose to pass the opportunity as a whole. Sometimes if you answer/respond to something too quickly, you are more apt to say something you'll regret- or say something you really didn't mean to say.

I hope that made a little sense

[HopelessVictim]

Sitting on the shitter-I would like to be nice though. It's just that whenever I go out and make friends they take advantage of the kindness I offer to them.

PSY-I'll try to change my view of how I see the world but it will be difficult being as I've been rude to others for so long. I guess it's some kind of "don't bother me" thing I naturally do, because alot of the time I'm either rude without meaning to be or I'm rude without realizing it until I get a sarcastic remark thrown back me. Most of the time it's a little of both.

[HopelessVictim]

Originally Posted by Ronald Weasley

The past can really change how we view things- for better or for worse. Seems like you need to do some reflection? I think it's okay to be wary of people... people DO try and step on others to get ahead. Sometimes though, it's better to welcome everyone with open arms- then they can be looked upon as the rude/selfish ones, rather than you looking like 'the bad guy.' What about saying nothing? Instead of saying something rude, or something overly nice, you can choose to pass the opportunity as a whole. Sometimes if you answer/respond to something too quickly, you are more apt to say something you'll regret- or say something you really didn't mean to say.

I hope that made a little sense

Hey thanks
However, I'm not just wary of people, I actually push them away with my rudeness even though most of the time I don't even mean to I think saying nothing is a good idea, however I can't really go around being absolutely silent all the time. But still, a good idea it is. I'll try it.

[Justin Bieber]

Hmm, do you almost try to push them away? Cause you're afraid they'll hurt you first or something? Have you let anyone in close to you?

Obviously I don't want you to become a mute That would be quite a scene. But maybe using the 'let's not say something right now' technique could be beneficial in a few situations Trying is the best you can do!

[HopelessVictim]

At first I pushed people away on purpose to avoid you know, a friendship that could potentially turn into me being stepped on. But then I started doing it unknowingly, probably because I had beem doing it for so long and was used to it.
Yes, I am still afraid that people will hurt me...but I do want to let at least one person out of the family close to me. However, that's a problem because most of the teens my age in this town are much too immature and they don't take anything seriously. So I'm at a loss of who I could really be friends with, if I can even make friends.

[Toast]

Try to start out by being polite. You can find many practical ettiqute books that are for your everyday life. My rule of thumb is to be generally nice and polite to people unless they are rude to me or otherwise don't deserve it. You don't seem to realize that there is big difference between being nice and being passive. You can be nice and assertive at the same time.

[teen spirit]

Be the mirror image that you wish to see in others. When you are rude...that's the kind of people you are attracting into your life.
Like Ghandi said: "BE" the change you wish to see in the world."
"Like attracts Like" it is a simple universal rule. I "get it." I understand that you have put up your "rudeness" as your defence mechanism so you won't be hurt again but it doesn't sound like it has been working for you. So, when something isn't working...try another approach...you want to see kindness and kind people around you..."be" that kind and approachable person and when you feel someone is around you that may be taking advantage of your kindness...wish them well and let that friendship go. Don't wait until they have taken advantage of you so you can get mad and resent them...or be straight with them and let them know that you feel they are taking advantage of your kindness and you don't appreciate it and at that point you decide to if you want to continue the friendship or say BYE!
I used to think that the world was a horrible place and that it was full of greed and nasty people...then I changed my perception because I chose to notice the "good" in people, their thoughtfulness, their generosity and the people I chose to surround myself with changed~honestly!
It's quite apparent that you are not enjoying being rude...so make a conscious effort today to change your rudeness back to kindness. When you find or catch yourself going back to mistrust or someone is out to get me...just change your thoughts to how you do want people to treat you...with kindness, respect, etc...
I hope this helps!

[DeadlySin]

Be nice, just don't be too nice? =P
You just have to learn when its okay to be nice, and when you feel you will be taken advantage of.
Try to learn to get in touch with your gut feelings.
Then you will know.

[Cosmo]

Originally Posted by HopelessVictim

Sitting on the shitter-I would like to be nice though. It's just that whenever I go out and make friends they take advantage of the kindness I offer to them.

PSY-I'll try to change my view of how I see the world but it will be difficult being as I've been rude to others for so long. I guess it's some kind of "don't bother me" thing I naturally do, because alot of the time I'm either rude without meaning to be or I'm rude without realizing it until I get a sarcastic remark thrown back me. Most of the time it's a little of both.

What other people said. You have to change your perspective on life. Some people will take advantage of you, but most people won't, and by trusting them not to, you make your life a lot richer.

Also, think before you say something. I know that sounds obvious and sarcastic, but do. Think before you make a little off-hand remark, a joke or a little jokey-jab at someone. Think about whether that person might actually take offense at it, eg. maybe don't make a dead-baby-joke to someone who had an abortion; you know?

[Abigail Joy]

Opening up to people can be a big deal for some people, but opening up to people isn't particularly the nice or socially pleasant thing to do. Before you say something take half a second to think, "If someone said this to me, would it stop me opening up, or being nice to them?" Think before you say, see the positive effects, and then maybe you will be able to open up to people, because you know they won't be rude to you.