I think about money and economic status 100 times a day

[energy]

The one thing I am reluctant to talk about, yet think about maybe 100 times a day, is money and economic status. I'm not bragging because my parents are well-off, but I don't want people to think I am bragging so I don't talk about it.

All day long it is all about money. If someone's telling me something my mind goes to a bad place and wants to insult the person. "Poor! Poor!" I want to shout. The worst part is that I don't want to hurt any feelings so I do not express myself.

I have other prejudices as well. Sometimes I see people who look different and want to say, "They don't belong here". Like when I saw Hispanics at a fancy shopping center. Meanwhile, the whole time I'm there I worry I don't belong there and the rich white folk would be happier without me there.

I wanted to fit in in middle school so I would dress like the cool kids. They didn't want me though, perhaps because I was overweight. I tried to spike my hair all around like a popular kid did. In homeroom another boy who was semi-popular said, "There's a poser".

My biggest mental pitfall is thinking that I want enough money to never work again. That is pretty much what my dad has, and he isolates himself. He doesn't have any real friends, and nor do I. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I read that the things you keep secret will eventually destroy you, so I decided to put my inner thought processes out on the table. Thank you for taking the time to read this.